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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Duane-917052 said: Well, here is an interesting statistic - According to my message logs, only 6% of contacted women...
(Quote) Duane-917052 said:

Well, here is an interesting statistic - According to my message logs, only 6% of contacted women on CM ever try to return a contact, even with a "no thanks". Ergo, the beating we take. It is tough! And I have never "not returned" a contact. It's just not proper. Is there a double standard?

--hide--


What do you call a 'contact'?..You browsed my profile the other day and didn't even say Hi.. I reply back to everyone that bothers to leave me a message..

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Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) William-848056 said: Yes, the analogy of the bridegroom and bride is accurate. However, as mentioned earlier the con...
(Quote) William-848056 said:

Yes, the analogy of the bridegroom and bride is accurate. However, as mentioned earlier the consequences of the woman refusing causes much strife. For example, I have gone dancing at a county bar attending 2-3x a month in South Carolina = not many Catholics. I gained the trust of men and women regulars twice my age since they knew I was not chasing women, even to the point of not staring. I would go up to a table of women and ask one to dance. If the first said "No" then I had almost zero chance of getting a "Yes" on her friend ( and no it was not a bachalorette party; those are off limits). I then walk down the floor and ask another woman. If she noticed the rejection, then she too had a high probabilty of giving rejection unless she saw my proficiency of dancing already. Then I go back and dance with a woman who has a son older than me.

Another aspect I have witnessed is that if I ask a woman out for a date or an innocent coffee trip after she would in my opinion flirt heavily (may be she is just generous), she would act horrified, then leave the social event never to come back to that dance club or social group. It has happen to my friends before; it appears some women are being fake and enjoy flirting until you call her out.

Another point is many women enjoy playing games like "Come closer so I can hit you" or "Pickin' on poor me?" or even "I knew you were like the others". Us men like to gauge the woman in the social setting to first see if she is friendly. To me if she wants to date immediately with no time in building some sense of friendship then I suspect her of something.

I just read a long list (40+ items of characteritics of a misogynist) You know what the women seemed to endorse the characteristics of five of the first ten listed! Ahhh...now I know I have poor luck...I am not a misogynist...shucks.

I agree with one comment earlier that a woman should heavily consider accepting that first date to give the man practice and confidence and for her to practice revealing and learning about a man. If a woman believes that she should not let a man have the practice, then I may know why she is reading this post. :) I have no problem asking everyone single woman out on a date at a party until I get a "Yes". It just I like to see if the group will support our dating...I don't want to "rescue" her from the group....which is the first listed trait of a misogynist. Just search that term with armor and rescue to see the list. Peace.

--hide--


"Then I go back and dance with a woman who has a son older than me." You have a 50/50 chance here that she will have a daughter your age that's looking.. Don't sell her short.. wink

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Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: What do you call a 'contact'?
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

What do you call a 'contact'?

--hide--

I'm only counting those to whom I write and initiate a message, not counting emoticon-onlys. I don't really like to just send an emoticon. In my opinion, looking at someone's profile is like window shopping on a street mall. You don't go inside, but just look at the display. It doesn't mean there is no interest, it just means I need to think about it for awhile and reflect on what I've read. I'd never leap without doing some praying first.

I have my suspicions that many of the no-returns are long-gone ex CMers. CM does not cull out old profiles. I know of one person on CM who was given a one-month gift subscription many years ago, and their profile is still here. I think forums are a good indicator of someone's active participation in CM.

I do agree with the premise that men "should" do the initiating. But women should do their part in saying "no" too.

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Dec 6th 2012 new

FANTASTIC article Pat. Thank you for sharing! hug

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Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Duane-917052 said: Well, here is an interesting statistic - According to my message logs, only 6% of contacted women...
(Quote) Duane-917052 said:

Well, here is an interesting statistic - According to my message logs, only 6% of contacted women on CM ever try to return a contact, even with a "no thanks". Ergo, the beating we take. It is tough! And I have never "not returned" a contact. It's just not proper. Is there a double standard?

--hide--


I'm really sorry for all those rejections. I have ALWAYS replied with a sincere Thank You. If I do not wish to persue the interest, I either explain that I'm interested in someone else - which I am - or not answer to the second emoticon. I cannot persue more than one lead at a time - but that's just who I am.


As for initiating, I was here in CM one month, then just joined for another month after a trail went cold. embarassedI have gone above initiating: I have proposed a F2F, traveling & taking in all the expenses...


SOOOOO... dear, wonderful men out there lovestruck! , don't go generalizing about men asking for a dance and women saying "no"... we get plenty "noes", too. Hard to take? Nah... I learnt how to ride a bike by scraping my knees, how to swim strong waves at sea - with a lot of sand on my bathing suit to prove it! -, how to horseback ride CowGirl with a lot of bumps all over (no saddle, please)... and also to divorce, get an anullment... A simple no ain't gonna to freak me out!



LOCKED
Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: We're so beat up from the hiding you women give us when we do approach. You ladi...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


We're so beat up from the hiding you women give us when we do approach. You ladies have succeeded at cowing us, so we back off.


Help us out. If you're interested in a guy LET HIM KNOW. We're clueless. You'll wither on the vine waiting for him to realise you like him and come after you.

--hide--


Well David......the whole point is, clueless or not, your gender is being called to step up to the plate.

The author of the article points out:

"I don’t think you should need to know in advance that a woman is interested before you ask her out. I think it is part of our job as men to risk rejection and be the initiators of dates and dating relationships, and if you wait until she has gone out on a limb and made her interest known, you’re asking her to take the risk instead of taking it on yourself."


...just sayin'

LOCKED
Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) William-848056 said: Yes, the analogy of the bridegroom and bride is accurate. However, as mentioned earlier the con...
(Quote) William-848056 said:

Yes, the analogy of the bridegroom and bride is accurate. However, as mentioned earlier the consequences of the woman refusing causes much strife. For example, I have gone dancing at a county bar attending 2-3x a month in South Carolina = not many Catholics. I gained the trust of men and women regulars twice my age since they knew I was not chasing women, even to the point of not staring. I would go up to a table of women and ask one to dance. If the first said "No" then I had almost zero chance of getting a "Yes" on her friend ( and no it was not a bachalorette party; those are off limits). I then walk down the floor and ask another woman. If she noticed the rejection, then she too had a high probabilty of giving rejection unless she saw my proficiency of dancing already. Then I go back and dance with a woman who has a son older than me.

Another aspect I have witnessed is that if I ask a woman out for a date or an innocent coffee trip after she would in my opinion flirt heavily (may be she is just generous), she would act horrified, then leave the social event never to come back to that dance club or social group. It has happen to my friends before; it appears some women are being fake and enjoy flirting until you call her out.

Another point is many women enjoy playing games like "Come closer so I can hit you" or "Pickin' on poor me?" or even "I knew you were like the others". Us men like to gauge the woman in the social setting to first see if she is friendly. To me if she wants to date immediately with no time in building some sense of friendship then I suspect her of something.

I just read a long list (40+ items of characteritics of a misogynist) You know what the women seemed to endorse the characteristics of five of the first ten listed! Ahhh...now I know I have poor luck...I am not a misogynist...shucks.

I agree with one comment earlier that a woman should heavily consider accepting that first date to give the man practice and confidence and for her to practice revealing and learning about a man. If a woman believes that she should not let a man have the practice, then I may know why she is reading this post. :) I have no problem asking everyone single woman out on a date at a party until I get a "Yes". It just I like to see if the group will support our dating...I don't want to "rescue" her from the group....which is the first listed trait of a misogynist. Just search that term with armor and rescue to see the list. Peace.

--hide--


I looked up characteristics of a misogynist and it is important to take this into account. If a man has these thoughts about women, it will be more than difficult to approach them.

LOCKED
Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Duane-917052 said: I'm only counting those to whom I write and initiate a message, not countin...
(Quote) Duane-917052 said:

I'm only counting those to whom I write and initiate a message, not counting emoticon-onlys. I don't really like to just send an emoticon. In my opinion, looking at someone's profile is like window shopping on a street mall. You don't go inside, but just look at the display. It doesn't mean there is no interest, it just means I need to think about it for awhile and reflect on what I've read. I'd never leap without doing some praying first.

I have my suspicions that many of the no-returns are long-gone ex CMers. CM does not cull out old profiles. I know of one person on CM who was given a one-month gift subscription many years ago, and their profile is still here. I think forums are a good indicator of someone's active participation in CM.

I do agree with the premise that men "should" do the initiating. But women should do their part in saying "no" too.

--hide--


They actually do cull out inactive accounts.. After about 18 mos of not visiting the site the profile goes Bah-Bye.. The no returns could simply be unpaid members.. I also agree that any kind of site activity is a pretty good indicator of paid status..Chat room activity also.. I rarely have to say No, because it's usually the man who stops writing, or he sends me a communication that requires no response.

LOCKED
Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: (Quote) Duane-917052 said: I'm only counting those to...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

Quote:
Duane-917052 said:

I'm only counting those to whom I write and initiate a message, not counting emoticon-onlys. I don't really like to just send an emoticon. In my opinion, looking at someone's profile is like window shopping on a street mall. You don't go inside, but just look at the display. It doesn't mean there is no interest, it just means I need to think about it for awhile and reflect on what I've read. I'd never leap without doing some praying first.

I have my suspicions that many of the no-returns are long-gone ex CMers. CM does not cull out old profiles. I know of one person on CM who was given a one-month gift subscription many years ago, and their profile is still here. I think forums are a good indicator of someone's active participation in CM.

I do agree with the premise that men "should" do the initiating. But women should do their part in saying "no" too.



They actually do cull out inactive accounts.. After about 18 mos of not visiting the site the profile goes Bah-Bye.. The no returns could simply be unpaid members.. I also agree that any kind of site activity is a pretty good indicator of paid status..Chat room activity also.. I rarely have to say No, because it's usually the man who stops writing, or he sends me a communication that requires no response.

--hide--

PS.. I also don't prescribe to the idea that one must wait a period of time before responding as it seems some people do..The Reply button is right there.. Strike back while the iron is hot is my motto..

LOCKED
Dec 6th 2012 new

It would make sense if you were very young but it seems that adult women should be able to do some initiating.


To be honest, many women seem to enjoy the chance to turn a man down.

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