Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hmm I think I made a mistake in what I was asking, I wasn't so much looking for how to get o...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hmm I think I made a mistake in what I was asking, I wasn't so much looking for how to get over the feeling. I was more so looking at how to embrace the feeling, and basically come to terms that I just shouldn't date. You make interesting points, but perhaps I should elaborate further in that I don't really socialize anywhere except aat church or school. Even when I do socialize it is not with people my own age (at church), and at school I only speak on school related subject material. I don't really venture outside of that area. Quite honestly other than that I do not really socialize with anyone else other than my family. My life is basically school, work, church repeat. Now, before you say I should get out more, I used to go out and do stuff like that but was always uncomfortable, and quite frankly it never really helped.

--hide--
Oops -- pardon my manners. I meant to say "Welcome" to the CM forums. This will be a good place for you to pick up some helpful tips about dating, and a score of other subjects. A lot of wisdom, knowledge, and experience is shared here. As you can see, if you are experiencing a personal situation, you will receive helpful hints from others.

Dec 8th 2012 new
Great advice Andrea. Steven, put it all in God's hands. Never forget that you are AWESOME, as we all are, made by God, a son of Our Lady. She can help immensely through difficulties. Don't fear anything. I have to believe that many introverted people do marry and can have good holy marriages. But the timeline and the path are unknown right now, so as Andrea advised, be a friend. Deep abiding friendship is the roots that sustain a marriage, so it can begin there. Best wishes and God bless.
Dec 8th 2012 new

Steven, I think my answer is somewhat off, because I read some of your profile. You have yourself designated as a choleric/sanguine - which is typically an extrovert scenario. I don't think you are introvert. Where do you get your energy from? From being with people or alone?

Also it says you are 75% Italian - that makes me think extrovert, gregarious for some reason - may be a poor generalization.

If I had to make another guess, which is a guess - perhaps you are "emotionally stuck" instead ? ie. like you need to move through or express some personal emotions related to the past before you are ready to give to someone else? Just a thought.

Dec 8th 2012 new

Steven,


I totally hear what you are saying and am right there with you. I too was bullied in high school and didn't have much social skills when I thankfully left. My social skill developed in my 20's--and it's an ongoing project. On the other hand I will always be an introvert myself, no matter how well I handle myself in a social situation--and I like it. We are awesome at concentrating on and completeing tasks--many introverts have advanced degrees in many fields. I have my Master's degree. Still waters run deep. Many of my extroverted friends appreciate the way that I contribute to a conversation--and many appreciate the fact that I LISTEN. Women also like that as well. I have to be me and I have to see where my "Davidness" fits in with the grand scheme of things. I spend many days alone in golden solitude. Those days are filled with a ton of things that I've been wanting to do all week long.


When I a date, I mostly end up being the one asking questions and she does the talking. Many women find it a turn on when I ask them about themselves. It's flattering when that happens rather than a man going, "Well enough about me, let's talk now on what you think about me." God loves us introverts. That's why we are such a rare find. Hope this helped. Don't give up. I know about the desert you are in--I know it's not a dry spell, it's a desert. I've been there, too. Thank you for your post.

Dec 8th 2012 new

Believe it or not, I was the same way - bullied in school (short and small = easy target), alcoholic dad, not much of a social life/outlet. People even told me that when I enlisted in the Army, I wouldn't survive Basic Training.

Now, fast-forward to the present, and I've been a student senator (college), become an officer, COMMANDED a basic training company, ran an emergency operations center covering the SE U.S., and my last evaluation stated I should be promoted as soon as possible to lieutenant colonel and would be an excellent battalion commander (comments from a two-star general). Every time I try to stay put and be satisfied with life, God comes along and takes me for a ride.

But unfortunately I've had no success with relationships. My last serious one was in 1997, the woman I planned to marry. I've concluded that God wants to bless my efforts, but needs me to work on me first and quit obsessing over the hope/dream of marriage and family. So for the time being I just relax and enjoy the ride.

And, like you, my only two existences in life were the military and church communities. Since then, I've expanded my horizons, joining social networks with like-minded people (try meetup.com). Living solely in the Church community was wearing me out; sometimes it can be unhealthy depending on the environment.

Although I'd like to marry a Catholic woman, I won't limit myself any longer, and will go out and enjoy life no matter what. Having been deployed overseas really changes your perspective. I'm no longer going to be concerned about what Mass is correct and whether or not my attire is good enough. Others can judge me and have their opinions. I only care what God thinks.

And I'm not ashamed to admit that I've sought counseling to deal with my issues. Everyone knows that there is a stigma to that, especially in the military, but it's worked wonders for me. And I truly believe God led me to that point because He loves me and wants me to be happy and whole.

One last note: I attended Mass at St. Joseph's in Marietta, GA two years ago, and there was this older gentleman, mentally challenged (I hope I used the correct respectful term), who saw me in the hallway afterward. He was high on life. He and I had never met, but I'll never forget what he told me, out of the blue: "Don't give up; don't ever give up." I felt he was relaying a message from the Father, an angel in real life. I hold on to that memory whenever I get discouraged. I hope you will, too.

Dec 8th 2012 new
(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Believe it or not, I was the same way - bullied in school (short and small = easy target), alcoholic dad, not muc...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Believe it or not, I was the same way - bullied in school (short and small = easy target), alcoholic dad, not much of a social life/outlet. People even told me that when I enlisted in the Army, I wouldn't survive Basic Training.

Now, fast-forward to the present, and I've been a student senator (college), become an officer, COMMANDED a basic training company, ran an emergency operations center covering the SE U.S., and my last evaluation stated I should be promoted as soon as possible to lieutenant colonel and would be an excellent battalion commander (comments from a two-star general). Every time I try to stay put and be satisfied with life, God comes along and takes me for a ride.

But unfortunately I've had no success with relationships. My last serious one was in 1997, the woman I planned to marry. I've concluded that God wants to bless my efforts, but needs me to work on me first and quit obsessing over the hope/dream of marriage and family. So for the time being I just relax and enjoy the ride.

And, like you, my only two existences in life were the military and church communities. Since then, I've expanded my horizons, joining social networks with like-minded people (try meetup.com). Living solely in the Church community was wearing me out; sometimes it can be unhealthy depending on the environment.

Although I'd like to marry a Catholic woman, I won't limit myself any longer, and will go out and enjoy life no matter what. Having been deployed overseas really changes your perspective. I'm no longer going to be concerned about what Mass is correct and whether or not my attire is good enough. Others can judge me and have their opinions. I only care what God thinks.

And I'm not ashamed to admit that I've sought counseling to deal with my issues. Everyone knows that there is a stigma to that, especially in the military, but it's worked wonders for me. And I truly believe God led me to that point because He loves me and wants me to be happy and whole.

One last note: I attended Mass at St. Joseph's in Marietta, GA two years ago, and there was this older gentleman, mentally challenged (I hope I used the correct respectful term), who saw me in the hallway afterward. He was high on life. He and I had never met, but I'll never forget what he told me, out of the blue: "Don't give up; don't ever give up." I felt he was relaying a message from the Father, an angel in real life. I hold on to that memory whenever I get discouraged. I hope you will, too.

--hide--
hey Carl,.. out of curiousity, how tall are you?
Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have be...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

--hide--


Steve ,

there is a great book out there called " How to win friends and influence people " by Dale Carnegie

Check it out , great food for the soul.

Dec 8th 2012 new

I knew enough was enough when I got laughed at,.. for the fourth time.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Steven-381635 said: Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have bee...
(Quote) Steven-381635 said:

Hello, so I just wanted to ask this question and get some advice, so here it goes. So I have been tossing around this idea in the back of my head for quite awhile, at first I just thought it was just me being me when I was in a bad mood. However, lately I have started to realize that it seems to be there quite a bit more. The idea is that I am just so introverted, that I cannot have a real relationship and that I should just stop looking and trying. Now before you all say hey whats with the pitty party just hear me out. I was bullied all the way up to high school this left without the ability to be able to socialize very well, especially amongst my peers. My parents liked to take me to their parties and such, so it is very easy to talk with people my parents age. Anyway back to what I was talking about, this has lead me to feel much more comforable when I am by myself, not out with others and especially when I am in a social/dating scenario. This has left me with the belief that dating and relationships are not for me, however, this is the conumdrum. My mind is saying this is better option. My heart, atlhough, feels this is not the case and continues to want me to try these types of things. Now to it's credit I have tried I have put myself out there many many times, I have definitely felt butterflies before, however, my introvertedness and social awkwardness has just messed it up. So much so that if I am lucky enough to go on a date or meet someone face to face, I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a date two.


So guess my question to all of you out there is how can I get my heart to agree with my mind? As I believe in doing so it will make me a much happier person. Thank you all, sorry if this is so long.

--hide--


Hi Steven!


Having been a very quiet, introverted person and having become more on the outgoing side, I can tell you that practice makes perfect! Halfway through college I started FORCING myself to go out and spend time with groups of people.... I would force myself, even stumbling over my own words due to shyness, to converse with both men and women. I NEVER dated until after college. I thought I was called to the religious life, so that had something to do with it.... but I was also terribly shy! I have had more dates in the last year than I have had in ALL of my life. The majority of them didn't go beyond a first date... A few of the men still keep in contact as friends. Even now, sometimes I have to force myself to go out and about, making sure I have made plans. I could so easily stay at home with a good book! laughing Stretch yourself! Keep putting yourself out there. It toughens your skin and you learn to think and talk on your feet! Plus, and I know I am only 4 years older than you BUT, you mature SO MUCH in the next few years! I feel more myself and more comfortable in my own skin now than I did at 25. I am sure that 30, next year's milestone, will be all the better!


Prayers and hugs! Praying hug

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi Steven! Having been a very quiet, introverted person...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:


Hi Steven!


Having been a very quiet, introverted person and having become more on the outgoing side, I can tell you that practice makes perfect! Halfway through college I started FORCING myself to go out and spend time with groups of people.... I would force myself, even stumbling over my own words due to shyness, to converse with both men and women. I NEVER dated until after college. I thought I was called to the religious life, so that had something to do with it.... but I was also terribly shy! I have had more dates in the last year than I have had in ALL of my life. The majority of them didn't go beyond a first date... A few of the men still keep in contact as friends. Even now, sometimes I have to force myself to go out and about, making sure I have made plans. I could so easily stay at home with a good book! Stretch yourself! Keep putting yourself out there. It toughens your skin and you learn to think and talk on your feet! Plus, and I know I am only 4 years older than you BUT, you mature SO MUCH in the next few years! I feel more myself and more comfortable in my own skin now than I did at 25. I am sure that 30, next year's milestone, will be all the better!


Prayers and hugs!

--hide--


Plus, I and a few other chicas I know totally dig the quiet, shy types.... It pleases me to no end to get a shy guy to talk to me... a flush a little in the process!



Posts 11 - 20 of 80