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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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OK, this is for thoughts and general discussion. I've been single forever and have no idea what my mom does regarding gifts for me, my siblings and their spouses. However, I have a dear, dear divorced mom friend who frequently pointed out to me over the years that she was being shorted! Seems her mom spent x amount on her, the same on her sister, and then the same on her brother-in-law. So, to her way of thinking, she was getting less than her sister.

I've got two sons and it makes sense to keep things "even-Stephen," but now, I am faced with a similar dilemna. I'm joyfully buying gifts for one son and his girlfriend (who we all hope will become his wife in the near future) and then there's my other son. What's fair for him?

12/18/2012 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: OK, this is for thoughts and general discussion. I've been single forever and have no idea wha...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

OK, this is for thoughts and general discussion. I've been single forever and have no idea what my mom does regarding gifts for me, my siblings and their spouses. However, I have a dear, dear divorced mom friend who frequently pointed out to me over the years that she was being shorted! Seems her mom spent x amount on her, the same on her sister, and then the same on her brother-in-law. So, to her way of thinking, she was getting less than her sister.

I've got two sons and it makes sense to keep things "even-Stephen," but now, I am faced with a similar dilemna. I'm joyfully buying gifts for one son and his girlfriend (who we all hope will become his wife in the near future) and then there's my other son. What's fair for him?

--hide--
There's some unwritten rule about spending equal amounts for the younger set. It's more important to consider their wants and needs and get them something that is meaningful and useful to them. In the long run, even though different amounts will be spent each year, things will balance out. There's a natural tendency for some people to keep score, but in reality, it's not important. I'd rather receive something thoughtful, even though it's less expensive than what someone else in the family got.

Actually, at this stage, I'm not concerned about receiving gifts. There comes a time when a person wants to make more space as opposed to accumulating more stuff.

12/19/2012 new

Thanks, Ray, and yes, I agree! I think my sons will see it the same way. I honestly do not remember them even commenting on keeping score in the gift department. Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

12/21/2012 new
WOW!

In my family, once you are married (or very serious) my parents have a new daughter or son. We never kept track on what my parents gifted each other growing up. We were always excited for each other. We have carried it on as adults. I can't imagine worrying about what was spent on my family. It is the thought that counts.

I can't believe a grown woman is worried that she didn't get enough spent on her. Frankly, what her parents do with their money is none of her business!

I am sure your family will bs grateful for their gifts.
12/21/2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-857196 said: WOW! In my family, once you are married (or very serious) my parents have a new daughter or so...
(Quote) Theresa-857196 said: WOW!

In my family, once you are married (or very serious) my parents have a new daughter or son. We never kept track on what my parents gifted each other growing up. We were always excited for each other. We have carried it on as adults. I can't imagine worrying about what was spent on my family. It is the thought that counts.

I can't believe a grown woman is worried that she didn't get enough spent on her. Frankly, what her parents do with their money is none of her business!

I am sure your family will bs grateful for their gifts.
--hide--

OK, so, it sounds like my post hit you the wrong way. Sorry. It sounds like your own personal experience is similar to mine. I think gifts are more important to some people than others just like having one's birthday remembered means more to some of my friends than it means to me:)

I posted in a moment of panic and wanting to do the right thing. I thought some other folks experiences might help me. You know, gifts and money, well, it sounds petty, but they can represent underlying feelings of neglect in one's family of origin. Anyway, it sounds like you will have a very Merry Christmas with your family! Cheers!

12/21/2012 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: OK, this is for thoughts and general discussion. I've been single forever and have no idea wha...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

OK, this is for thoughts and general discussion. I've been single forever and have no idea what my mom does regarding gifts for me, my siblings and their spouses. However, I have a dear, dear divorced mom friend who frequently pointed out to me over the years that she was being shorted! Seems her mom spent x amount on her, the same on her sister, and then the same on her brother-in-law. So, to her way of thinking, she was getting less than her sister.

I've got two sons and it makes sense to keep things "even-Stephen," but now, I am faced with a similar dilemna. I'm joyfully buying gifts for one son and his girlfriend (who we all hope will become his wife in the near future) and then there's my other son. What's fair for him?

--hide--


When it comes to gifting children what is most important is the children themselves. Children have no concept of cost or value of a gift, nor do they care. They're kids. They see something and they either like it and want it, or they don't like it and would never even look at it if you gave it to them regardless of how little or how much you spent on it.


Look at the most popular toys during any Christmas season. Most of them are on the lower end of the price scale.

A child will cherish a $10 gift that they really wanted and will never forget that it came from you. If you gave that same child a $1000 gift that they didn't like or want, by New Year's Day they'll have forgotten that they even own it.


theheart

12/21/2012 new

Hi Victor! Nice to hear from you! And, oops! I did not make clear that my sons are both grown and out of the house. I want to think about how to be fair to both of them. It's not the first time this thought has crossed my mind. I've had discussions with both of them directly. They are wonderful young men and quite self-sufficient! I am truly blessed and grateful biggrin

It sounds all greedy and materialistic when I bring up this topic, but trust me, I live a rather sparse existance as do my sons and we are all completely happy about it!

The super good news is that Son1 is now engaged and I'll be gaining a daughter-in-law!

12/21/2012 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: Hi Victor! Nice to hear from you! And, oops! I did not make clear that my sons are both gr...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

Hi Victor! Nice to hear from you! And, oops! I did not make clear that my sons are both grown and out of the house. I want to think about how to be fair to both of them. It's not the first time this thought has crossed my mind. I've had discussions with both of them directly. They are wonderful young men and quite self-sufficient! I am truly blessed and grateful

It sounds all greedy and materialistic when I bring up this topic, but trust me, I live a rather sparse existance as do my sons and we are all completely happy about it!

The super good news is that Son1 is now engaged and I'll be gaining a daughter-in-law!

--hide--


They're still children... just a little older! wink


theheart

12/21/2012 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: They're still children... just a little older! <...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


They're still children... just a little older!

--hide--

Exactly, Victor! And I'm still a kid at heart, too! I was disappointed earlier this week when the dollar store was sold out of fake mustaches. I thought those would be a useful item all four of us could enjoy!

12/21/2012 new

(Quote) Lisa-572677 said: Exactly, Victor! And I'm still a kid at heart, too! I was disappointed earlier this w...
(Quote) Lisa-572677 said:

Exactly, Victor! And I'm still a kid at heart, too! I was disappointed earlier this week when the dollar store was sold out of fake mustaches. I thought those would be a useful item all four of us could enjoy!

--hide--


And you probably would have enjoyed those silly $1 mustaches more than a $500 dinner! biggrin


theheart

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