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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

loan

Dec 23rd 2012 new

I didn't know if this was the appropriate place to post this but since my husband divorced me I thought it might be OK. Single parenting didn't seem entirely right either. Neither does.

I feel like my children are on loan to me (I know they are from God but that's entirely different from human). It seems wrong and I know I wouldn't have had them had I known what would happen. I thought marriage and children were Holy.

I married thinking we would be a family and any children would be that. It wouldn't be an I, it'd be a we. Anyhow, he has "remarried" and our children are constantly juggling 4 families instead of 2. Which could be richer but it isn't. It's adversarial.

It seems wrong that my children are on loan. It puts a damper on what should be a joyous season. I selfishly dread it but the kids like it because they have 2 x-masses.

This is just wrong to me.

Dec 23rd 2012 new

I know what you mean. My daughter is with her father til Monday at noon. It just makes my heart sink down to my toes.

Thank heavens for womenkind he has not found a new "target" yet. But, give him a few years and he'll have set his predator eyes on
someone new.


My daughter has actually asked me, "Mom, if you knew you and Daddy were going to get divorced and ruin my life, why did you
have me?". (Yes, she did use those exact words.) Beyond that, I feel guilty also that I have come to
realize with professional help that I was married to either a true sociopath, or at a minimum, a very borderline
one. I feel like I should have known what he was...Maybe I did, but didn't want to, or could stand to, see it.

Gosh it's painful and disappointing to see my mistake so clearly. And, what's worse is to know that it is
affecting my child adversely. He didn't just hurt me. He hurt her. Even now, if he wants to hurt me, he
does that by hurting or upsetting her.

If I had a conclusion, it would be that, when my daughter comes home on Monday, she will know, for sure, that
this is her home. As Moms, we are supposed to strive to be as good of a mother as Mary was to Jesus (tall order)
....if we are seeing Jesus when we see our children, they know it. The other thing that I have thought is that
I can also help her by doing whatever it takes to move past this. She needs to look at me and see
a Mom and a woman who is confident, happy and most of all whole.

It's hard, I know, but, they are lucky that at least they have mothers who ARE concerned, and who see them as on "loan"
and who at least try to see them as the gifts from God they are. :)

Dec 23rd 2012 new
Julie, I like what Celia said, and maybe I shouldn't be posting in this forum, but I really wanted to encourage you. All of us wish we had a crystal ball to see into the future, but God doesn't give that to us. I would have made different choices if I had known how things would turn out for me. But you do have lovely consolations from God that I do not have. Every parent wants their children to have a wonderful life, but in spite of your very best efforts and intentions it is not what you had hoped.

Our lives are not what the Heavenly Father hoped for either. We were made for heaven and not earth, which is why we are called a pilgrim church, because we are travelling to our home. The purpose of mankind is to populate heaven, and you have help contribute lovely children to that effort.

I assure you, through prayers and loving guidance, your children will grow in spirit and strength and one day use their challenges to help others. That is what a family does, and we are all family.

how old are your children? Are the old enough to make their own decisions about how to spend their Christmas? I would hope that your ex and his current wife would put the needs of your children above their own. Nobody wants the kids to hate Christmas because of all the turmoil. There has to be common ground.

Prayers and hugs
Dec 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Julie, I like what Celia said, and maybe I shouldn't be posting in this forum, but I really wanted ...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Julie, I like what Celia said, and maybe I shouldn't be posting in this forum, but I really wanted to encourage you. All of us wish we had a crystal ball to see into the future, but God doesn't give that to us. I would have made different choices if I had known how things would turn out for me. But you do have lovely consolations from God that I do not have. Every parent wants their children to have a wonderful life, but in spite of your very best efforts and intentions it is not what you had hoped.

Our lives are not what the Heavenly Father hoped for either. We were made for heaven and not earth, which is why we are called a pilgrim church, because we are travelling to our home. The purpose of mankind is to populate heaven, and you have help contribute lovely children to that effort.

I assure you, through prayers and loving guidance, your children will grow in spirit and strength and one day use their challenges to help others. That is what a family does, and we are all family.

how old are your children? Are the old enough to make their own decisions about how to spend their Christmas? I would hope that your ex and his current wife would put the needs of your children above their own. Nobody wants the kids to hate Christmas because of all the turmoil. There has to be common ground.

Prayers and hugs
--hide--

If you were not permitted to post in this forum you would not be able to post. :)

Dec 23rd 2012 new
(Quote) Brian-278516 said: If you were not permitted to post in this forum you would not be able to post. :)
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:



If you were not permitted to post in this forum you would not be able to post. :)

--hide--


Thanks for the clarification. Maybe I have misread a prior post about not posting in forums that I am not "classified under" IE widowed, etc.
Dec 23rd 2012 new

I know you're right Celia.

My son (he's been in trouble since he was 14-now he's 17) has degenerated since the divorce so much that he's in trouble with the law My 9-yr olds told me that they don't feel that they have a home and my daughter twin wants us back together (my ex has been with with this woman- I didn't know it-since 2005). I still love my ex which is awful. Jesus (and I mean that literally)! I desperately want to get over it. It's not gonna change and I know it. I disgust myself because I don't. Yet considering how many people have suffered because they found their "true love"(a lot more than 6 children), I know they're incredibly selfish at their age (I could have understood if they were in their 20's or early 30"s).

Six cildren were involved but mine seem to be screwed up the most. I'm ashamed too because I had no idea what divorced people went through.

Dec 23rd 2012 new

Joanna! What happened in your situation? I want to feel like you do because I think I'm lucky to have my kids.

Dec 23rd 2012 new
(Quote) Julie-909449 said: Joanna! What happened in your situation? I want to feel like you do because I think I'm lucky to have my ...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

Joanna! What happened in your situation? I want to feel like you do because I think I'm lucky to have my kids.

--hide--


I married the wrong guy at a young age, divorced at a young age too, but instead of returning to Holy Mother church, I lived the next 10 years for myself and making bad/selfish choices. By the time I started making better choices and living for God, there was no marriage and no children. The clock stopped ticking. I had always wanted children. That is sort of it in a nut shell.

What your ex did was unfair and incredibly selfish. Relationships like that are built on a lie. It must have killed you to find out about them and then to watch them marry. That is the worst kind of betrayal and pain. I spent over 4 years in a relationship with a man I loved waiting for his annulment. It did not come, we broke up, he married someone else a short time later. It took another 4 years before I was over him and emotionally available for someone new.

Why is that do you suppose? Men being able to attach to another woman so quickly? I would not sleep with him, I felt she did. What a price to pay.
Dec 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: I know what you mean. My daughter is with her father til Monday at noon. It just makes my heart s...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

I know what you mean. My daughter is with her father til Monday at noon. It just makes my heart sink down to my toes.

Thank heavens for womenkind he has not found a new "target" yet. But, give him a few years and he'll have set his predator eyes on
someone new.


My daughter has actually asked me, "Mom, if you knew you and Daddy were going to get divorced and ruin my life, why did you
have me?". (Yes, she did use those exact words.) Beyond that, I feel guilty also that I have come to
realize with professional help that I was married to either a true sociopath, or at a minimum, a very borderline
one. I feel like I should have known what he was...Maybe I did, but didn't want to, or could stand to, see it.

Gosh it's painful and disappointing to see my mistake so clearly. And, what's worse is to know that it is
affecting my child adversely. He didn't just hurt me. He hurt her. Even now, if he wants to hurt me, he
does that by hurting or upsetting her.

If I had a conclusion, it would be that, when my daughter comes home on Monday, she will know, for sure, that
this is her home. As Moms, we are supposed to strive to be as good of a mother as Mary was to Jesus (tall order)
....if we are seeing Jesus when we see our children, they know it. The other thing that I have thought is that
I can also help her by doing whatever it takes to move past this. She needs to look at me and see
a Mom and a woman who is confident, happy and most of all whole.

It's hard, I know, but, they are lucky that at least they have mothers who ARE concerned, and who see them as on "loan"
and who at least try to see them as the gifts from God they are. :)

--hide--



Sociopaths, by definition, are adept at hiding their condition. You probably didn't know about sociopathy back then and/or certainly didn't expect to actually tmeet one. True, there proably were some 'signs' of something but how could you have known, back then?

Dec 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I know you're right Celia.My son (he's been in trouble since he was 14-now he'...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

I know you're right Celia.

My son (he's been in trouble since he was 14-now he's 17) has degenerated since the divorce so much that he's in trouble with the law My 9-yr olds told me that they don't feel that they have a home and my daughter twin wants us back together (my ex has been with with this woman- I didn't know it-since 2005). I still love my ex which is awful. Jesus (and I mean that literally)! I desperately want to get over it. It's not gonna change and I know it. I disgust myself because I don't. Yet considering how many people have suffered because they found their "true love"(a lot more than 6 children), I know they're incredibly selfish at their age (I could have understood if they were in their 20's or early 30"s).

Six cildren were involved but mine seem to be screwed up the most. I'm ashamed too because I had no idea what divorced people went through.

--hide--


God bless you and your's. Praying sad

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