I am sorry if I am too frank. I am European (hope it excuses me). In my house lives another girl from same nationality than me. I do not know exactly how her ilness is called, but the symptoms are that activ periods alternate with depression periods. She moved away from her home to little room and left her man and three little children alone. Everyone are suffering, she , young husban who is alone with small children and herself. She cant just hadle normal family life anymore.
In Norway there is good social security. The state will soon give her state owned appartment, she is getting monthly money support from state what is equal to small salary in Norway (1642 USD neto). She dosent have to pay for her medicaments, she has free health insurance. Her future meetings with children will be supervised by medical workers. if it goes well she can have her children up t0 50 %. This is Norway, here it is possible to go back to track finally as social support is big.
I do not know how it is in US, but I would be careful before having family. Talk more with your doctor. If doctor dosent recommend children you could waite with marriage until you are little bit older and cant have som many children anymore (trust me the time goes by very fast).
To have on child on end of 30-s is not so bad at all. Then you are also more mature and stronger emotionally to raise the child. There is also lot what you could do inside Church and voluntary organisations, so you will not be alone meanwhile.
The fact what talks in you favor is that you have faith and connection with G-d. She dosent have it. G-d can make miracles, what dosent mean we should lose reasonable thinking.
I hope everyone will not start hating me writing about my experience. I do not want you to feel down or bad. Every situation is different and as I mentioned before, you have G-d who will not leave you, no matter what life will bring to your way.
I have worked in the field of disorders and the question you should be asking is: Can I handle the husband needs, the children needs, the in-laws, etc? There are lots of stressors that our society imposes on wives and mothers, unlike the single life or even that of being a girlfriend.
Also, life is less stressful when you add a partner who is heavily involved with you and your disability. And he must be one to be totally supportive of you and your alone time, your bouts that this disorder poses upon you, and your needs.
Its important to be a member of a support group that works with this disorder so that you will learn to accept its shortcomings. And you never know if you'll meet somone involved in this group as well.
How amazingly brave of you to share your story! My daughter is young, but has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She is usually in the psychiatric hospital a couple of times per year. That being said, I have often wondered how she will cope with marriage and kids. Most of the research that I have done indicates that it is a possibility, no matter what the disorder, but it may take counseling on a regular basis with your husband to be, additional planning for times when you need help with your child or children, and maybe a few other "safety nets" in place. I wouldn't be confused at all. This is something you want, and most women do want. So, perhaps the next step would be to pray and plan how you will go about working out these issues so that, when you do meet the right guy, you will already have some ideas in place as to how you will handle the situation. :)
(((Marissa))) You are a miracle in progress. The Holy Spirit is working in you for a complete healing. Mother Mary and myself shall include you in our prayers every night. Know that you are much much soooo much loved, my sweet.. Try to focus on yourself with HIM. Exert effort to know Him more.. Your worries in the future will not happen, because you will beperfectly healthy in mind, body, soul and spirit.
Praising God for making such a beautiful masterpiece in you, my sweet.
I am awed.
Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have considered myself as barely suffering from this. Now I am not so sure. In fact, I have begun to doubt if, for me, marriage is even an option. I like to think it is an option. Frankly, I'm petrified of the opposite being true, but I'm going to ask the question anyway.
My illness is schizoaffective disorder. Which has symptoms of schizophrenia and depression(so yes, if you think you have trouble attracting the opposite sex, just wait until you say THAT on a date ) However, it has been a very long time, over a year and a half since I have had schizophrenia symptoms). I thought I could tell what was a symptom and what was "me". but now I'm not so sure what I'm fighting....sometimes I'm not even sure how to fight things. Last night....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but didn't sleep. My medication is soooo strong that usually it knocks me out an hour after I take it....so clearly this is not something that happens. But for me to stay on top of my disorder, I have to ask the question..."Is this me simply not able to go to sleep?" "Am I starting to exhibit symptoms of something else?" "Am I experiencing anxiety?". If I eat and I feel sick, the answer isn't always either you "Ate to much" or "you have food poisoning".....it could be...."Are my levels of potassium to low? Did I accidently overdose?" I keep potassium and magnesium EVERYWHERE. I can't be in the sun for a long time. My life is sooo tightly regulated. If it gets over 90 and I'm outside I'm prone to fainting(being a farm person and a horse person you can imagine how careful I am). Of course, I'm really pretty good at regulating it, but really, all it takes is for me to mess up once, and I can end up in the hospital. I keep improving, but I keep thinking....will I really ever improve enough to be able to have a family depend on me?
I experienced a very difficult week. I struggle through it. But I finally have to ask....can your life be this regulated when you have a family? Will my problems be to much for a spouse to handle? I don't want my children to be those kids who were really the parent....of course, that's pretty extreme....I'm a mature person....but sometimes....I feel soooooo weak. I know that for ME to be married would be healthy. I improved so much in my parents house, and frankly, they almost never know when I am struggling. But children require extra time, extra attention. I do believe in families where one spouse stays home with the children. If it's a full time job, then one parent should try to be home at least PART time. And it's economically easier if that person is talented at domestics and cutting the budget. But I don't want to turn into a second child that my spouse has to take care of. I am very good at taking some criticism as long as it is on my ideas and not my person. And please remember that for me, this is a very difficult issue because I'm already confused as to where my illness ends and I begin. Even if you don't know the answer....I would appreciate some advice on how perhaps you have come through difficult periods. It seems all the things I learned growing up....such as who I am and understanding myself and how to regulate my own life have been drastically altered. Things which used to be "old hat"....such as finding a job.....now require me to do deep self-analysis and prepare as though I was a teen going in for their first job interview.
My doctors do not understand me....they say, "Well, marriage is fine, and if you are scared to have kids, then use contraception"....something I don't believe in.....I have actually been advised to live with a guy to "test it out".....so clearly, I cannot go to them for advice. I'm sorry if I sound a little depressive, but I've always wanted at some point to get married and so trying to work these things out is difficult for me.
Any information on what it "requires" to be married would be of help also....frankly anything would be of help since I'm pretty confused.
God bless you in your struggles, Marissa. You aren't the only one going through this, and I will keep you in my prayers. Others have offered good advice and comments. Please remember that sometimes God allows us to go through seemingly bad things but He will be able to turn these experiences into something greater than if we haven't gone through them. God will do something great with you. Have faith and trust and pray for good discernment. All will come to be as it should. Don't let your illness discourage you from a vocation to marriage and motherhood; if it be His will, it will happen though it won't be without challenges. I know really good mothers who have struggled with mental illness. It's not easy for them or for their families but they are all blessed by this. Greater things can come out of bigger struggles. God bless you.
Hi Marissa! I just wanted to write a short note to tell you how impressed I am with your posts, and the fact that you were so honest and open in the discussion of your illness. I am somewhat familiar with your disorder, as my mother's neighbor suffers from it. Yes, she has had difficulties; yes, she has had hospitalizations. She also held down a customer service job for 40 years. She just recently retired from it - with a pension and full benefits! She has many life-long friends who have been a complete support for her in her situation. She is much loved and is one of the sweetest women I know! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I believe you can have a full life - whatever that turns out to be! Please be patient with yourself and with God. Chelle
I know I'm late to responding, but I saw this and it hit really close to home. I too suffer from a laundry list of psychiatric disorders that has often led me to wonder if I am capable of living a normal life. One of the best things I ever did was go to my local Catholic Charities behavioral health clinic. I've had a number of doctors over the years and these guys are hands down the best doctors I've ever had. My family raves about the improvements I've made in a little over a year with them. One of the things that I like is that I am able to talk openly on how I rely on my Catholic faith to get me through life. It's not simply a case of "Well, it looks like that increase in your Abilify is working wonders!", although we certainly agree that that is part of it. I pray to St. Joan for strength, not the strength to throw off all my disorders entirely, but I accept that they are my crosses to bear in life and seperate from me and that I am allowed to seek help from my doctors, my friends, and my family to help me get back on my feet. My doctor has even told me at times that I need to go to Adoration to help sort things out, which has indeed been helpful. :)
I'll admit I am on birth control to help things out, but not as a contraceptive. We found out through a very happy accident when we were trying to get rid of some ovarian cysts that certain contraceptives have amazing anti-anxiety properties for me and help regulate my mood. (We also then found out that my hormone levels are out of whack and contribute quite negatively to my pre-existing disorders. We also found out through trial and error that some have no effect whatsoever and some have a very negative effect.) Since I can't take most traditional anti-anxiety medicines and have agoraphobia (which is downright crippling at times) it is a blessing for me and allows me to live a relatively normal life. The downside is that my mom had breast cancer, so my gyno (who also works with my psychologist and psychiatrist in terms of my mental health) gets a lot of phone calls from me about different concerns about being on them long term. Luckily for me she's very patient, understanding, and helpful!
I would necessarily worry about it being too much for a spouse to handle either. My ex-boyfriend was absolutely amazing with me in terms of my disorders. He'd literally hold my hand through the tough parts, help remind me to go to my doctor appointments, and just generally be all round supportive and understanding. I'd start crying and say that he should run for the hills because I was a "crazy witch" at times and he'd hug me and tell me that that was ok because I was his "crazy witch". So there are guys out there who will love you unconditionally regardless. :)
Also, in terms of kids... My mom also has anxiety disorders, although nowhere near of the same magnitude that I suffer from. It has actually been very helpful to me that she did at least have experience with them because I learned coping skills at a very, very young age. I honestly can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't learned those coping skills when I was that little, I probably would not be around to talk about it if she hadn't.