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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

My Christmas Miracle

Dec 25th 2012 new

Or, maybe it is more like a series of miracles, all rolled into 2 tidy days called Christmas Eve and Christmas Day... theheart


I suppose the first miracle would be that I am currently here writing this, rather than sitting on my kitchen floor in a puddle of tears. Heck even that might be good, cause the floor COULD use a good cleaning.


My word! What a couple of days. Yesterday I picked my daughter up from the place where I exchange my daughter with her father because there are cameras - just in case he decides to do his impersonation of a psycho nut. That's one he does very well! No, don't say "bravo", please. :) She got in the car and from the word go was yelling at me, all kinds of lies he fed her for lunch that day, like that I am keeping her from him, that HE is afraid of ME (um, hmmm...really? Last time I checked he was the one who appeared in my living room uninvited, threatened to kill me over the retirement money, drives past my house at 2 AM...), and, of course being a bipolar child, she concluded with many "I hate you's" and kicking my seat....It could have been bad. Thank God for giving me a aster's in teaching and training with autistic children. It helps me deal with her so much better. wide eyed


Miraculously, we were headed straight to the forensic psychologist I have hired to help me get out of the "post divorce era of terror" from aforementioned psycho nut. It was good, because he got to see how she is when she returns to me after a visit. So, I guess in retrospect having my daughter screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates me and I am the worst Mom ever might have been a good thing at the time. But, it still hurt. sad Sometimes, even the things that are good for us can hurt. We have to see past the tears and at Him to know there is a Purpose, and we have to trust that. That's what I've learned.

Moving right along to the 4 hours psych eval on Christtmas Eve to make sure I am, in fact, sane. Heaven knows, if I am still sane at THIS point after raising a bipolar daughter and a son with cerebral palsy on my own, and managing to somehow have a symblance of a career and urstwhile dealing with severe health issues caused by all this stress, well, then folks, we see a REAL miracle. I'm not being flippant. It must be God's hand.


After the psych eval and interviews with both kids, which cost me 2,000$, we went home...At which point I began my infusion - that's where I takes the medicine that keeps this my energizer bunny self going. You stick 3 needles in your stomach, hook up to a small pump with the medicine, and spend the next 2 hours wondering if your tummy is going to explode, because it burns THAT much when it goes in. That was time 1 for the week. My second dose comes Thursday. Maybe I should have a fire extinguisher on hand. Ya think? The miracle is that I HAVE the medicine at all, because my crazy ex stopped paying the COBRA, so it has cost me over 10K to pay for the medicine out of pocket while I got on a high risk insurance policy that would cover it.


And you think that's the last miracle? No. More came after that. While I was infusing (aka hooked to the pump'o fire), I managed to cook a turkey and get Christmas dinner ready for today. Aha, luckily, while that was cooking and I was still hooked up, it gave me time to spend with my daughter. She decided she no longer "hates me", and, instead, chose to use her candy colored nail polish to paint my toenails in every color known to man. I don't know how she got all these colors on my toes, but she did. And so, as I stumble my way through today, I look down and see ten toes of sheer love. They are beautiful. heart


If that wasn't enough, after all that, I had doubts I would make it to Midnight Mass. Somehow, someway, after all of tat, I spotted this dress I bought special for Midnght Mass. I managed, with the kids' help, to get the zipper and tiny button done, get them dressed and get to church. Next miracle: My ex did not show up anywhere last nigt. No lurking of any kind. Mass was beautiful. Luckily we had a whole pew to ourselves, cause the kids stretched out and fell asleep. And, I, in all my pretty dress and Peace, turned to concentrate on the birth of Our Lord....which is when I spotted this rather tall, handsome yet arrogant doctor I was dating for a while. (Note: the arrogance totally negates the tall and handsome)


What a miracle that was, because, last time I saw him, I was wearing a giant hot dog costume and running (yes running in a hot dog costume) after my lovely bipolar angel of a daughter who was having the fit that was, well, not from heaven for sure). Funny how some guys snub you when you are in a hot dog costume. Well, I wasn't dressed like a hot dog last night. Nor was I interested in him any longer. It felt great to know that I can take care of myself and my kids, choose who I date according to my values AND how they treat me, and be dressed to "the nines", in spite of the difficulties. He did come over to say a warm hello. I shook his hand, turned (and did not trip - another miracle) and took my angels home. hug Maybe i should have sprinke some Holy Water on him before I left. Naw...


Today, we went to Adoration, then to play on the playground at church. My children were happy and at Peace. Well, right up until I put the turkey on the table. Oh my - I should have cooked it longer. The blood was the first sign that we were being saved from food poisoning by NOT eating it. And, so, we had Christmas dinner, together, peacefully, and happily. Just without the turkey. Which, as I type this, is back in the oven for a second go 'round. Thank God for ovens and sight, especially for sight. I think I see more clearly now than ever before.


And, again, as I wrap this up, I glance down at my toes and see the many rainbow colors of love, right there on my toes to remind me how lucky I am. I look out my window and there is no crazy ex staring in, and I listen and hear happy, playing children. Oh, I may still shed a few tears, yet, but they will be tears of joy for all of these miracles...Things I might not have seen before. It really HAS been an incredible Christmas!


Well, time to go get that turkey out of the oven and see if it got baked enough to be any good....

Dec 25th 2012 new

Praying hug theheart


What a beautiful writing of the miracle of God's love! Your ability to see the rainbows in the thunderstorm! Beautiful lady, I will keep you in my prayers.

Dec 25th 2012 new

whew! God bless you! you have the perseverance, strength and patience of a saint. here are some sweet smellingrose rose for you. you are going through so much tribulation, may we pray to Jesus to make your family whole. in Jesus's Name. Amen.

Dec 25th 2012 new

Celia, you have an awful lot on your plate. I'm glad you can see the blessings in all that you have to deal with. It seems like your family has a lot of healing to do. May I ask how long you have been divorced?

Cat

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: Celia, you have an awful lot on your plate. I'm glad you can see the blessings in all that you ...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:

Celia, you have an awful lot on your plate. I'm glad you can see the blessings in all that you have to deal with. It seems like your family has a lot of healing to do. May I ask how long you have been divorced?

Cat

--hide--



We moved out Sept. 25, 2011, and the divorce was final April 3, 2012. He has had some serious issues his entire life, and I thought I would play "Saint Celia" - you know that whole thing about 1 "good woman" can make a difference.


Very untrue. Either the guy is stable and healthy from the beginning, or he never will be. Things since the divorce only escalated times about 100 to heights I never would have dreamed possible.


But, I have learned a lot. I think I am well on my way to healing. But there are some legal ends that eeds tied up, such as getting supervised visitation for him, and a lifelong restraining order. Recouping the financial losses would only be icing on the cake. But, it is what it is.

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: We moved out Sept. 25, 2011, and the divorce was final April 3, 2012. He has had some...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:




We moved out Sept. 25, 2011, and the divorce was final April 3, 2012. He has had some serious issues his entire life, and I thought I would play "Saint Celia" - you know that whole thing about 1 "good woman" can make a difference.


Very untrue. Either the guy is stable and healthy from the beginning, or he never will be. Things since the divorce only escalated times about 100 to heights I never would have dreamed possible.


But, I have learned a lot. I think I am well on my way to healing. But there are some legal ends that eeds tied up, such as getting supervised visitation for him, and a lifelong restraining order. Recouping the financial losses would only be icing on the cake. But, it is what it is.

--hide--


Ok, I just saw that you were annulled on your profile and from what you said in your original post the whole family has a lot of healing to do still. Knowing that getting an annulment can sometimes take a while, I was wondering why some of the other issues were still being worked out, like the visitation since that is usually done in the initial divorce decree. I see that you must be amending the initial courts decision, thus the requirement of the psych evals? Not judging, just trying to understand the timeline since you have revealed quite a lot in your post.

If I may make a suggestion? I understand that your daughter is bi-polar, based on your calling her that numerous times. But in her interest, you might want to refrain from labeling her that so liberally? My heart goes out to her, and anyone who is bi-polar or deals with a loved one who is, but no one wants to be referred to that as a "label".

Cat

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: Ok, I just saw that you were annulled on your profile and from what you said in your origin...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:



Ok, I just saw that you were annulled on your profile and from what you said in your original post the whole family has a lot of healing to do still. Knowing that getting an annulment can sometimes take a while, I was wondering why some of the other issues were still being worked out, like the visitation since that is usually done in the initial divorce decree. I see that you must be amending the initial courts decision, thus the requirement of the psych evals? Not judging, just trying to understand the timeline since you have revealed quite a lot in your post.

If I may make a suggestion? I understand that your daughter is bi-polar, based on your calling her that numerous times. But in her interest, you might want to refrain from labeling her that so liberally? My heart goes out to her, and anyone who is bi-polar or deals with a loved one who is, but no one wants to be referred to that as a "label".

Cat

--hide--



Thank you for your response. Let me re-phrase. She has bipolar disorder. You are certainly correct - her illness does not define her, but it does further define some of the issues being dealt with, and how they must be approached.

My marriage was annulled, but the annulment has not, unfortunately, altered his poor decision makig ability.

Thank God, we were on our way to healing the minute we walked out the door and got out of the house. We have all been in counseling for well over a year both with professional counselor as as well as wonderful people from my parish.

At this point, the situation has to be further resolved legally to prevent future harm from being caused by an extreme lack of judgement on my ex's part. Having the finances to do so is yet another miracle. :)

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Thank you for your response. Let me re-phrase. She has bipolar disorder. You are cert...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:




Thank you for your response. Let me re-phrase. She has bipolar disorder. You are certainly correct - her illness does not define her, but it does further define some of the issues being dealt with, and how they must be approached.

My marriage was annulled, but the annulment has not, unfortunately, altered his poor decision makig ability.

Thank God, we were on our way to healing the minute we walked out the door and got out of the house. We have all been in counseling for well over a year both with professional counselor as as well as wonderful people from my parish.

At this point, the situation has to be further resolved legally to prevent future harm from being caused by an extreme lack of judgement on my ex's part. Having the finances to do so is yet another miracle. :)

--hide--


I understand the financial and legal mess you are dealing with to put in place the restrictions needed to keep your children safe. My advice to you is to just give them as much love, understanding, peace, and stability as you possibly can to counter any negativity, anger, and pyschological abuse they may be submitted to while they are away from you. It sounds like you are doing that, as well as professional and spiritual help that you are receiving. I pray that the new year will offer much peace for you all.

Cat

Dec 25th 2012 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: I understand the financial and legal mess you are dealing with to put in place the restrict...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:



I understand the financial and legal mess you are dealing with to put in place the restrictions needed to keep your children safe. My advice to you is to just give them as much love, understanding, peace, and stability as you possibly can to counter any negativity, anger, and pyschological abuse they may be submitted to while they are away from you. It sounds like you are doing that, as well as professional and spiritual help that you are receiving. I pray that the new year will offer much peace for you all.

Cat

--hide--



Thank you! theheart Honestly, that is the conclusion I have come to. I just have to trust my research - I have hired professionals who are good at what they do. Then let them do their jobs while I do mine - my job as being their Mom. When this is over, I plan to take a good vacation, though!!!

Dec 26th 2012 new

I really hope you find peace in 2013. As time goes on, I realize that peace in my life has more to do with my reactions than anything. I hope things get better for you. Let go and let God where you can. God bless you.

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