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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

12/06/2012 new

Best of luck to those seeking annulment. I have been annuled since 2007. True that it is a lengthy process - as well it should be. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. The tribunales have to ensure that the marriage was not legitmate to begin with before they can approve. But, I understand how frustrating it can be to play the waiting game. My suggestion would be to get a good advocate. The default advocate from my church never took an interest in my case and it stayed on the back burner for over a year. I was fortunate to get to switch advocates to someone my family knew. She got the wheels turning and it eventually got done.

Ultimately, it is in the Lord's hands. We have to do the footwork by filling out the questionaires, engaging witnesses, partnering with our advocate, etc. We have to trust that the tribunales are seeking God's will.

I do not feel that annulments are a cop out. There are several questions they have you prayerfully consider. You have to be honest with yourself.

If you are divorced or divorcing, I'd highly recommend looking into this, especially if you hope to remarry one day.

12/07/2012 new

HI Loretta,
thank you for writing me, appears we do have alot in common. May I ask - is your annulment completed? Do you have a verdict?

Have a good day :)

12/10/2012 new

Dennis,

Thank you for sharing your experience and the "timeline" of this process. I have to trust that my paperwork was turned and that it is now in God's hands. I'm not in a rush to have anything decided so I guess I will be patient and continue the healing process. I finally feel at peace with everything which is a blessing in and of itself.



12/17/2012 new

I am just at the beginning stages of the annulment process. I haven't even met with anyone yet to discuss it. I do also see annulment as a cop out and don't want to see my marriage made invalid. But I also don't believe in divorce and yet, I am divorced (something I had no say in if it happened or not). I fought for my marriage for 8 long years and none of it did any good. Although I do feel that we have valid reasons for an annulment, I still really question if they are biblically correct. So the Catholic Church says that our marriage have grounds to be nullified, but in God's eyes aren't we still one? This is the question that I have struggled with for so long. For many years I actually stood for my marriage and believed that I either needed to become reconciled with my spouse or remain single (according to the bible). After 8 years I'm so tired and completely drained of trying to live that way that I am not opening myself to the possibility of another spouse and starting a family. And the only reason that I am going through with the process is because otherwise I can not be married in my church.

Do others struggle with this - that when man and woman are joined (especially if both are Christians), they become one in the eyes of God and that no man should separate them. To me, that would mean the people of the Catholic Tribunal as well. So why is it ok for Catholics to get an annulment and then God no longer sees us as married? I know that most in the world live as if a divorce means they are free and clear, but there are hundreds of thousands of Christians out there that are living according to what the bible says about marriage - God hates divorce and that in the eyes of God you will always be married. So this is how I'm basing my question as I'm wondering why Catholics should be different.

For as desparately as I want to be with someone new, I'm really struggling with this. Hopefully I'm wording this correctly. If not, please ask.

12/18/2012 new

Dawn,

It might help if you read the msgs from Meg and Jerry above in response to my prior msg. It's perfectly OK for you to seek a decree of annulment. To use Jerry's word you are simply seeking to present proof/evidence which allows the tribunal to determine that you were never really married in the eyes of the Catholic church. They are simply checking the validity of your marriage; valid or invalid.

And I understand your waiting 8 years because of your doubts about the process. I waited almost 25 which included a subsequent civil marriage (ending with my civily married wife's death) for reasons similar to yours. I never really clearly understood the process of annulment. And now, not wanting to spend the rest of my life basically alone, I would like to be able to remarry within the Catholic church to a Catholic woman. So I filed a petition and will pray and wait to see how that works out.

I'll bet Jerry can help you a bunch with any other questions you have. He seems very knowledgeable and willing to share.

Good luck to you, Dawn, as you move forward. You will not be doing a disservice to anyone by checking the validity of your marriage and, if it is found to have been invalid by the tribunal, you will be clear to pursue marriage and wed again within the church. Talk to someone within your parish also. Maturity, honesty, and freedom to make that decision to wed at the time of your original marriage play into this a great deal. Go for it. You sound like a really solid Catholic and shouldn't let a feared and therefore unanswered or unevaluated possibility hold you back. Hope this helps you.

God Bless You. scratchchin theheart Praying

12/25/2012 new

Thank you so much for your reply Dennis. It makes me very sad to think that my marriage may not be valid in the Catholic church. I also said I would absolutely never get an annulment as that says that my marriage never happened. But it did. I still love him and I always will. I'm just finding it extremely difficult to remain alone and right or wrong I want to find a partner. I do still fight with my feelings about getting an annulment but want to proceed with it so that if God blesses me with another man in my life, I will be free to marry in the church.

Due to battling depression and anxiety (looking back now I know that I battled this since elementary school and just got worse the older I got) as well as my husband never being willing to have children, I do believe that there are grounds for an annulment. We were 19/20 when we became engaged and 20/21 when we married, so very young. Again looking back, I main poor choices to remain with him and should have called off the engagement but was too scared and embarrassed to do so.

Anyway, thank you very much for your reply. It is greatly appreciated.

12/26/2012 new

Your comment about "my husband never being willing to have children" might work well in your favor. Talk to your advocate and he or she will explain. Being willing to have children if God so blesses you is one of the expectations for a valid Catholic marriage.

12/26/2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-927013 said: Thank you so much for your reply Dennis. It makes me very sad to think that my marriage may not be...
(Quote) Dawn-927013 said:

Thank you so much for your reply Dennis. It makes me very sad to think that my marriage may not be valid in the Catholic church. I also said I would absolutely never get an annulment as that says that my marriage never happened. But it did. I still love him and I always will. I'm just finding it extremely difficult to remain alone and right or wrong I want to find a partner. I do still fight with my feelings about getting an annulment but want to proceed with it so that if God blesses me with another man in my life, I will be free to marry in the church.

Due to battling depression and anxiety (looking back now I know that I battled this since elementary school and just got worse the older I got) as well as my husband never being willing to have children, I do believe that there are grounds for an annulment. We were 19/20 when we became engaged and 20/21 when we married, so very young. Again looking back, I main poor choices to remain with him and should have called off the engagement but was too scared and embarrassed to do so.

Anyway, thank you very much for your reply. It is greatly appreciated.

--hide--


Good luck in your process. It is long and paiful but what doesn't kill you will turn you stronger. Dawn I finished this process couple months ago after a little more than a year of waiting. For you Dawn, If you have proof of him not wanting to have kids then i don't think you need to find a ground for annulment, because this is enough to break your marriage. As Dennis said ask your attorney!


Prayers will always help you to have this peace of mind! I also suggest if you are not doing yet to see a therapist this will help you to get over those negative thoughts that you are having.

12/26/2012 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to get the process stared. Sometimes I feel like an annulment is a cop-out. I know our marriage was bad and we had significant issues since we started dating but I still struggle with this. Has anyone else felt this?

--hide--


Dana we all feel the same way i guess because we were raised that marriage should last for ever no matter what! I share with you prayers for this hard process! Be strong and leave it in the hands of God! Good luck!

12/26/2012 new
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I am frightened for if my former spouse finds out about the annulment ...if its anything how it was when I fi...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:

I am frightened for if my former spouse finds out about the annulment ...if its anything how it was when I filed for divorce and he was served - it was something I would NEVER want to relive. The comments,the harassment, anger, coldness, from him and the anxiety I had. He has a TERRIBLE temper, which is why it took me YEARS ( probably 10 to actually do it and file). But then again, this is a man who DID not even represent himself in court nor hire an atty. So his bark is definitely bigger than his BITE.

I also have a question, is there any biblical reference to annulments? I dont really know the history, besides its more or less a tradition/practice of the Catholic Church. I know in my heart it is a much needed, yet long and dreadfully emotional process -yet it is for the betterment of our soul, regardless if we remarry or not.

I often wonder as well, that feeling of WAS IT REAL OR NOT? Yes, I had the ever- so - cliched Shot Gun Wedding and I know I have grounds for this annulment, but boy, I have such pain, doubts, aches, and utterly feel my insides just so fatigued and beaten up . Dark Nights a-plenty. This is becuase of all that has transpired in the past 4 years since the breakdown began. From constant problems with the children, from now unemployment on both me and my ex spouses end. From my recent illness (asthma) and from his recent near death experience which has left him severly injured where it impacts his ability to find work ( he survived a terible motorcycle , no helmet of course, accident in July on his 43rd BDay and had bleeding on brain, lacerated finger, which was found and put back on, broken ribs, broken arm, and a knee cap that blew out and they put back in! Plus other issues as well) ..I went to check on him in the hospital that night 1opm and his new GF had some words for me and wouldnt let me see him to quote her "There is no need for you to be here! He is my responsibilty now!" I was informed (by a stranger who foud where I lived and was a good friend & paramedic of my ex that he was in serious condition and in I.C.U. OF COURSE im gonna see how he is for the sake of his children !!! Who does this 30 yr old chic think she is!!!

That experience that he had, has SHAKEN the ground I walk on. I mean he is LUCKY to be alive, but it still really hasnt motivated him to be more involved in kids lives. Meanwhile, like alot of us moms out there, I am left to hold the bag. My oldest 2 teens have pretty much committed every possible deviance out there! and I Look to St Monica for refuge...with this type of suffering, it's hard to convince myself that this Divorce now Annulment is the right thing to do..

I mean, I understand the basis for what a person needs at the alter - and to understand what a sacramental marriage is. Even after I filed, he said to me, "Isn't this what marriage is? For better or worse?" and I continued with the process. I have guilt, because he didnt want it, it wasnt mutual yet his BEHAVIOR was completely unacceptable and he was not remorseful and most of the abuse was in the form of LIES. I mean it was all about not coperating with the divorce ( I tried for MONTHS to settle out of court, but according to him, "it was cheaper to keep her!" END QUOTE!!

It's just so depressing, I wonder if I would do things different, there is a Katy Perry song that hits home with me. "WIDE AWAKE"...one on the lyrics says-
"if i knew then what i knew now"...

Thanks for listening -

--hide--


Rebeccaa thank you for sharing your pain! most of what you are suffering of is the result of abuse which leave you in the FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt!- I think you need to help yourself to heal from the abuse and do more positive things to yourself and your well being. My prayers go to you to help you in this hard decision and process. Good luck Rebecca!
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