Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
Let me tell you what I do. I would not have this ability to act when I was ten years younger.
It is a risk to ask a friend for a romantic relationship. I have retained a friend after a rejection....
however I did the following after the rejection:
I prayed. I did not seek her attention unless she knew of the reason...like no sudden changes in plans such as a group camping trip the next week that you spent two months preparing and she was going too. But if the group you two are participates goes to the movies, then I would avoid it. Let her become comfortable to her regular social settings without you at first. If she invites you to a tea party with many shared friends, then do go but keep an obvious distance from her in terms of conservation - act like you are 40 years older. She is taking a chance to reform your friendship, but albeit a lesser friendship-give her that chance even it will hurt you...better for you than her. Start praying for her happiness. Prepare yourself to be happy to meet her new boyfriend the next time you see her. Do not ask about her romantic life whatsoever - if she brings it up, keep it short and shallow. Unless you asked her out in a text message or email, then her rejection's tone and transmission by text message to me = stay away from me or I will hurt you. If you cannot avoid her such as you both are part of the same club, then start praising other single men to her in way to let you know you are over her....introduce another single man to her and mentioned something about him that will attract him to her. The sooner she is dating and one of your competion is too, then so much the better :)
Let her go. Be happy you are now free of her.
Thank you William, Lucia, & Marita for your kind words.
Good news to share with you all. After midnight, she sent me some text messages. Some of the messages included along the lines of apologizing for being mean to me. In one message she said "she does not enjoy hurting other people's feelings. " She also said "I was a great guy and she just wanted the best for me." I asked her if she'll take me back as her friend and she said yes.
Sometimes I don't know what to expect from women... One moment I find myself in hot water and feeling like I'm to be blamed for everything that can go wrong. Then other times I feel like the happiest guy when a woman respects me for who I am.
I'll keep your advice in mind, William :)! I did wish her the best too.
Thank you Marian and to all the beautiful comments. I feel the comfort in the words all you have said to my post. You're right I rather not feel bitter about this situation because it doesn't do me good.
Just a couple of things, Ezrah: Try not to personalize it, unless they say something cruel. Most Christians won't want to hurt you. Just accept what they say at face value. They may have an issue of their own they are trying to work out. We are each unique and special. I don't think it would hurt to be honest and say you felt more strongly for her, but thank her for her honesty. Next, don't call her too often. I had a guy calling me several times a day! He was too needy and it showed. Check in with her every couple of weeks just to see if things have changed and if she would like to meet somewhere, but don't be pushy. "Not now" means no. Perhaps over time her feelings or even yours may change. She may see the gift that you are, or you may meet someone that better suits you. Keep your mind and heart open and forgiving: remember 70 x 7!
That's a good suggestion to keep in mind, Laura :). I sometimes catch myself feeling too needy around woman I like. She messaged me after midnight apologizing as I've posted previously. I need to thank God for such a beautiful way for me to go to bed feeling comfort & warmth in my heart. I did keep my mind & heart open & forgiving throughout our messages. I'm thankful for her being honest with me & to me that is more than enough I can ask from a friend.
P.S. I don't know how to close this topic...but anymore comments & suggestions are welcomed :)!
I don't think you did anything wrong. Maybe the title of your e-mail should be "courage" rather than "rejection".
One day you will connect with someone who appreciates all you have to offer. As far as being "friends" with someone you are romantically attracted to few can do it. When I have been in your situation I never undervalue the reality of the "prayer connection". That means that I love the person in my heart and humbly let it a physical realtionship of any kind go. A "prayer connection" is very satisfying and real. I have never seen Jesus in bodily form, as in his human body, but think about how connected we are to him in our hearts through prayer.
Peace and joy!
When we are in the midst of hurt and rejection, it is hard to see the sunlight peaking around the corner or the rainbow that God has prepared for you. Try to realize that God has a much better and bigger plan for you. I know there have been many times in my life that I have thanked God for unanswered prayers. The New Year's resolution to "listen more/talk less" is a fantastic one! (I might even try that one myself!). My thoughts and prayers are with you as you deal with this situation. God Bless!
As I dunno much about the gal whom you like, I wonder what type of guys she is looking for and the reason why in this moment she is not sure tp advance more than friendship with you. But generally speaking, we appreciate guys keeping the friendship with us and return to the orginal status without much embrassment. So, dont be discouraged to regard the rejection as failure but got to find out the underlying agenda to fix it. Presistance worth praise as proof of how serious you are on her that she might change her mind later on. May God bless you!
hey Brother, don't worry. First and foremost thing to remember: you are a unique gift, unique with your awesome talents and gifts that God endowed you with as His beloved son. There is no man like you.
The woman that God wills you to be with will be attracted to you! It's funny how God's plan works...
but, you may meet a girl or two who will not be open to receiving your gift--and that is ok! She is beautiful even though she said no, and you are a man of God no less. As you part ways, God, in his infinate wisdom has someone amazing in mind for both you and her! God is that good.
Trust that God has it under control. Be confident by knowing this. Walk boldly.
Some day you'll meet her! and she'll be worth the wait. So be patient. In the mean time, reflect on the fact that the right woman, on God's time, will be open to receiving your awesome gift of self.
Ezrah, What I believe I read from you is that you liked a woman, she told you she wasn't interested and you continued to pursue herfor ra few months even though she said she wanted to be friends. I know this is hard to do, but the key to any woman's heart (I think, anyway) is by accepting her influence. Let her teach you what she likes, how he wants to be treated. Then respond that way. This is advice for the future, not this young woman who is a past relationship that you don't want to get trapped in.
Also, you need to develop your support system of women. What's your relationship like w/your mom, young aunts, your sisters? Interact with them, back and fort. Learn what they can teach you. And give back to them by helping, listening.
There's more to relationships than with only women your age. If you focus only on that, my fear is that you'll keep repeating the same mistake w/different woman until you are discouraged. So go out, broaden your experiences, keep your eyes open and enjoy life.
Ezrah, it is a great gift to say to someone "I care about you" "you are very special" so don't ever regret doing that. All love flows from the Father, and your regard for her was really His love passing through you to her. How could that ever be wrong?
But not all people see it that way, so I guess I would say that her not wanting to be friends anymore is her loss, it says more about her than anything.
I think guys would do much better if they were clear about their intentions with women from the start. If you had begun with this girl as a dating relationship, you would not have to have the difficult transition into "something more" which seldom works anyway. The concept that you can get in as friends and then try and work your way up to something more doesn't usually work, if you ask me.
Good luck to you!
Ezrah you are young so please do not be discouraged. Every time you tell a girl how you feel about her you are risking rejection. However, if you never tell someone you care about her how will you know if the feeling is mutual ?? Pray to find someone who is the right one for you. If you meet someone who you think you like and you are rejected do not be upset. Just think ok she is not the one and the one for me is still out there. Be thankful that you found out when you did. Isn't it a nice thought that while you are searching for the one for you she could also be searching right now for you. So just change your thinking and do not be sad. Keep positive.