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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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Anyone else feel like this? My married friends are great-have been such a help for me and it is nice of them to keep including me-but I am just sick of being the odd person out. I have a wedding reception tomorrow and I have to go by myself-I hate that. I only know the bride's family and they will be busy. I just hate walking into a big place by myself-I am kind of dreading this.

A lot of times I will be at a party and the conversation turns to complaining about how the husband doesn't help out at home much, is always working, etc. If they only knew what it was like for us-even just 5 minutes-although I would not wish this on anyone.

So just had to vent. I am so sick of doing things by myself or being the odd one out at the table.

Dec 28th 2012 new

Feeling like the "odd man out" is very normal for people our age. The feeling is probably even stronger for those who are widowed or coming out of broken marriages.


As for those who are complaining about their spouses... sometimes the lonliest place in the world is right next to your significant other. It's difficult to feel the void that is left from absence, but it can be just as difficult, and even more difficult when you can look and see the physical presence of that which is absent.


You feel the void of missing your partner, but as long as you have God and are surrounded by people who truly love you, you will never be truly alone... even when you're feeling lonely. hug


theheart

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Anyone else feel like this? My married friends are great-have been such a help for me and it is...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Anyone else feel like this? My married friends are great-have been such a help for me and it is nice of them to keep including me-but I am just sick of being the odd person out. I have a wedding reception tomorrow and I have to go by myself-I hate that. I only know the bride's family and they will be busy. I just hate walking into a big place by myself-I am kind of dreading this.

A lot of times I will be at a party and the conversation turns to complaining about how the husband doesn't help out at home much, is always working, etc. If they only knew what it was like for us-even just 5 minutes-although I would not wish this on anyone.

So just had to vent. I am so sick of doing things by myself or being the odd one out at the table.

--hide--


I know exactly how you feel, Theresa. It took me a while before I would go anywhere other than church by myself. And that third wheel thing...yikes...I hate it. I've also noticed that people want to marry me off, even to the point of arranging "surprise" encounters.


Don't know what the answer is, but thankfully I finally decided to find places I really wanted to go and then go there by myself or invite someone along. I got season tickets to TTU basketball games and that has been fun. It's just tough. I don't know the answer, but I think staying at home isn't it. I have a close friend who is an elderly widow (92) who is a bunch of fun and she's my "date" on occasion. When Fr. Fred was alive, he was kind enough to go with me to professional dinners.


I don't think people realize what it is like to be left behind unless it has happened to them. I know I didn't. Now I have much more understanding for someone who has become a widow or widower, especially in the first few years which is such an emotional adjustment. It just takes time to adjust and it isn't an easy road, but time does make it easier...and eventually the future starts looking pretty nice.


Hang in there and keep posting, Theresa. hug CM really is a wonderful Catholic community.


- Elizabeth

Dec 29th 2012 new

Thanks for the responses. I do everything by myself-well because if I didn't then I would be home a lot. I get out and play tennis which is fun because even though there are couples there sometimes-it is a good mix of single, married, young, older, etc.


I am really dreading this wedding reception tonight. It is in the city so I also have to park the car and walk by myself into a huge crowd of people I really do not know. I get a little bit intimidated parking and walking by myself at night as well and I will have to find someone to maybe walk out with me when the reception is over. This is not just about being a third wheel but feeling very uncomfortable as well. For some reason they did not invite any other neighbors so besides for the bride's family I will really not know anyone-yikes. I did not feel comfortable just inviting a girlfriend to this because I know how much receptions cost and I guess I am pretty traditional when it comes to formal events like this and would only invite a date.


Hopefully once I am settled I will be able to have a better time. I usually find things that I do not want to go to initally are the events that turn out to be the most fun. I just keep telling myself that I have to keep going and out and meeting new people even if I am the third wheel.


I just get mad sometimes that I am in this situation through absolutely no fault of my own.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: I am so sick of doing things by myself or being the odd one out at the table.
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

I am so sick of doing things by myself or being the odd one out at the table.

--hide--


I decided to own my singleness. I've joined several local groups, and raised my hand whenever something needed to be done. It wasn't long before I had new friends.

And I throw my own parties and invite both single and married friends. For some reason, very few people will go to the effort any more to throw a party, and so it's not hard to get people to attend. I had a chili cook off in November, and people liked it so much that they demanded I do it again in the winter. And so on.

Take control...and in doing so, you also create opportunities to meet other singles.....directly or indirectly.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Thanks for the responses. I do everything by myself-well because if I didn't then I would b...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Thanks for the responses. I do everything by myself-well because if I didn't then I would be home a lot. I get out and play tennis which is fun because even though there are couples there sometimes-it is a good mix of single, married, young, older, etc.


I am really dreading this wedding reception tonight. It is in the city so I also have to park the car and walk by myself into a huge crowd of people I really do not know. I get a little bit intimidated parking and walking by myself at night as well and I will have to find someone to maybe walk out with me when the reception is over. This is not just about being a third wheel but feeling very uncomfortable as well. For some reason they did not invite any other neighbors so besides for the bride's family I will really not know anyone-yikes. I did not feel comfortable just inviting a girlfriend to this because I know how much receptions cost and I guess I am pretty traditional when it comes to formal events like this and would only invite a date.


Hopefully once I am settled I will be able to have a better time. I usually find things that I do not want to go to initally are the events that turn out to be the most fun. I just keep telling myself that I have to keep going and out and meeting new people even if I am the third wheel.


I just get mad sometimes that I am in this situation through absolutely no fault of my own.

--hide--


I usually don't like to give advice, so here is a recommendation biggrin Have a glass of wine, introduce yourself to someone new, and then someone to dance. Next thing you know, you have two potentially new friends. biggrin

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Gary-918050 said: I usually don't like to give advice, so here is a recommendation Have a glass of ...
(Quote) Gary-918050 said:


I usually don't like to give advice, so here is a recommendation Have a glass of wine, introduce yourself to someone new, and then someone to dance. Next thing you know, you have two potentially new friends.

--hide--

Meant to say "...ask someone to dance." Guess you probably already figured that out anyway. biggrin

Dec 29th 2012 new

Well I made it back alive-OK that was a little scary. I had to park and walk 2 blocks or so by myself downtown at night-it was totally isolated down there. It was at the baseball stadium. At one point, I contemplated just getting back in the car. Whew made it. The reception was OK I guess. All couples at the table and a much younger crowd (my neighbor's daughter got married). Glad nobody asked the dreaded question of where my husband was at the table although someone asked if the other seat for my guest.


I left pretty early-it has been almost 5 years now since I was widowed-but for some reason it still hurts to be out at these things. I was a little surprised because sometimes out of the blue grief still hits me-obviously not as bad as before but I guess it is still there.

Walked out with another couple so at least I did not have to walk alone again. There were a few shady people walking around in the area so I am so glad to be safe and sound.


Got a text that my boys won their soccer game and my one son scored a goal and the other was goalie and they won 5-0-so all in all its a good night.


Survived another 3rd wheel event.

Dec 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Well I made it back alive-OK that was a little scary. I had to park and walk 2 blocks or so by ...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Well I made it back alive-OK that was a little scary. I had to park and walk 2 blocks or so by myself downtown at night-it was totally isolated down there. It was at the baseball stadium. At one point, I contemplated just getting back in the car. Whew made it. The reception was OK I guess. All couples at the table and a much younger crowd (my neighbor's daughter got married). Glad nobody asked the dreaded question of where my husband was at the table although someone asked if the other seat for my guest.


I left pretty early-it has been almost 5 years now since I was widowed-but for some reason it still hurts to be out at these things. I was a little surprised because sometimes out of the blue grief still hits me-obviously not as bad as before but I guess it is still there.

Walked out with another couple so at least I did not have to walk alone again. There were a few shady people walking around in the area so I am so glad to be safe and sound.


Got a text that my boys won their soccer game and my one son scored a goal and the other was goalie and they won 5-0-so all in all its a good night.


Survived another 3rd wheel event.

--hide--


I just remembered that we have a family wedding in April. My late wife's family is wonderful, they invite me to family weddings, events, etc...

Dec 30th 2012 new

Congratulations on making it through the event. Each step like that is huge! You done well.

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