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Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that live out of state. I said in my profile that I am staying here in St. Louis. Also, a lot of out of state people or even out of the country people are looking at my profile-I guess I just find it odd because I am only searching within a driving distance.


The other thing I am kind of wondering is why are non widows/widowers posting on this forum? I feel like there are very specific issues that we face. I was really looking forward to being honest about how I feel but I really do not need someone divorced coming in here and high jacking my posts saying that their loss is just as hard. It is not an issue of who has it harder-it is an issue of looking for some support from those that have walked this path after losing a spouse. I really look to the support of other widows/widowers because most of the grief support groups are for much older people and not necessarily just for the loss of a spouse.


Just some random thoughts thats all.

LOCKED
12/29/2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that ...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that live out of state. I said in my profile that I am staying here in St. Louis. Also, a lot of out of state people or even out of the country people are looking at my profile-I guess I just find it odd because I am only searching within a driving distance.


The other thing I am kind of wondering is why are non widows/widowers posting on this forum? I feel like there are very specific issues that we face. I was really looking forward to being honest about how I feel but I really do not need someone divorced coming in here and high jacking my posts saying that their loss is just as hard. It is not an issue of who has it harder-it is an issue of looking for some support from those that have walked this path after losing a spouse. I really look to the support of other widows/widowers because most of the grief support groups are for much older people and not necessarily just for the loss of a spouse.


Just some random thoughts thats all.

--hide--


To your first question, it has been said that because the matching system is still in its relative infancy the distance parameter has not yet been implemented, but would likely be at a later time. However, distance parameters can still be applied in searches.


To your second question, it was recently discussed in another thread. www.catholicmatch.com


theheart

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that ...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that live out of state. I said in my profile that I am staying here in St. Louis. Also, a lot of out of state people or even out of the country people are looking at my profile-I guess I just find it odd because I am only searching within a driving distance.


The other thing I am kind of wondering is why are non widows/widowers posting on this forum? I feel like there are very specific issues that we face. I was really looking forward to being honest about how I feel but I really do not need someone divorced coming in here and high jacking my posts saying that their loss is just as hard. It is not an issue of who has it harder-it is an issue of looking for some support from those that have walked this path after losing a spouse. I really look to the support of other widows/widowers because most of the grief support groups are for much older people and not necessarily just for the loss of a spouse.


Just some random thoughts thats all.

--hide--


I don't know the answer to your first question, Theresa. As for your second question, I agree that we have to restrict our discussions here because widows and widowers are not the only one who can post here. I, like several others, have found it to be a loss of a potential support system. Until Admin chooses to provide the widows and widowers the same security they provide divorced Catholics, I suppose we post at our own risk of adding to our grief rather than relieving some of it or do not post at all on widows and widowers issues. I have chosen to try to avoid the widows and widowers room since we were last told how we should feel or act by persons who have not had our experience.


With that being said, Victor represents some of the nice guys.


- Elizabeth

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: I don't know the answer to your first question, Theresa. As for your second ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:


I don't know the answer to your first question, Theresa. As for your second question, I agree that we have to restrict our discussions here because widows and widowers are not the only one who can post here. I, like several others, have found it to be a loss of a potential support system. Until Admin chooses to provide the widows and widowers the same security they provide divorced Catholics, I suppose we post at our own risk of adding to our grief rather than relieving some of it or do not post at all on widows and widowers issues. I have chosen to try to avoid the widows and widowers room since we were last told how we should feel or act by persons who have not had our experience.


With that being said, Victor represents some of the nice guys.


- Elizabeth

--hide--


After thinking about my response for a while, I thought it prudent to clarify my remarks about persons who are not widows and widowers posting on this site. Several of those individuals who posted when this issue was discussed in a past thread did so in a kindly and considerate manner and did not try to tell widows and widowers how we should think or act. It is the few that were not that kind or considerate, but rather were judgmental of something of which they have no experience, that ruined the experience for me and a few others who look to this room to gage our own experience and seek advice from those who have walked the path that we are on.

I continue to look at this issue in the same manner that I deal with other challenges with my favorite Bible quote. "All things work for good, for those who love God and are called to His purpose."


- Elizabeth





LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that ...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

Just a few questions I guess. For one I find it very odd that I keep getting sent matches that live out of state. I said in my profile that I am staying here in St. Louis. Also, a lot of out of state people or even out of the country people are looking at my profile-I guess I just find it odd because I am only searching within a driving distance.


The other thing I am kind of wondering is why are non widows/widowers posting on this forum? I feel like there are very specific issues that we face. I was really looking forward to being honest about how I feel but I really do not need someone divorced coming in here and high jacking my posts saying that their loss is just as hard. It is not an issue of who has it harder-it is an issue of looking for some support from those that have walked this path after losing a spouse. I really look to the support of other widows/widowers because most of the grief support groups are for much older people and not necessarily just for the loss of a spouse.


Just some random thoughts thats all.

--hide--
I am not sure why that is the case scratchchin . Perhaps admin's first and foremost goal is to try and match people regardless of the reason they became single. If this is true, than widows and widowers should be allowed to post on the divorced formum. rolling eyes

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Nilda-834707 said: I am not sure why that is the case . Perhaps admin's first and foremost goal is to try and ma...
(Quote) Nilda-834707 said:

I am not sure why that is the case . Perhaps admin's first and foremost goal is to try and match people regardless of the reason they became single. If this is true, than widows and widowers should be allowed to post on the divorced formum.

--hide--


Actually, an exclusive room is probably the safest place for divorcees to speak about their divorces/annulments with others who have experienced similar. If you've spent any time in this fora you likely are already aware of the benevolent albeit minority of fora participants who waste no breath or moment of time in casting their judgement upon any sinner who as much as sneezes into the wind. Divorcees are among their favorite targets and are often the subject of the most harsh criticisms you will see posted anywhere in this fora.


That's where, I believe, admin has drawn the distinction between the widowed and divorced, and why one room is open and the other is restricted, as criticisms directed towards those who are widowed are extremely rare and propagated by those with very extreme views, whereas criticisms directed toward divorcees is very commonplace.


Just my two cents


theheart

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

My first marriage (age 20) resulted in divorce. I can honestly say the trauma of a divorce is as painful as the loss of a spouse especially when you're left alone to support a child/children. We catholics need to be more charitable towards our divorced brothers and sisters. It's always the case -- a few make it bad for the rest. I am fairly new to the fora, and thank God have not read meanness towards others. Thanks for clarifying, Victor.

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Nilda-834707 said: My first marriage (age 20) resulted in divorce. I can honestly say the trauma of a divorce is as ...
(Quote) Nilda-834707 said:

My first marriage (age 20) resulted in divorce. I can honestly say the trauma of a divorce is as painful as the loss of a spouse especially when you're left alone to support a child/children. We catholics need to be more charitable towards our divorced brothers and sisters. It's always the case -- a few make it bad for the rest. I am fairly new to the fora, and thank God have not read meanness towards others. Thanks for clarifying, Victor.

--hide--


I attended a Beginning Experience retreat for Catholics that had lost a spouse through death or divorce. While the majority of groups were mixed, we were still given time to meet specifically with those in similar situations. Both losses are painful and unfortunate. Both share similar challenges, but it was still beneficial to be with people that "got it" because they had walked in your shoes. I feel like having rooms designated on CM that are closed to one group but open to the other puts widows/widowers at a disadvantage. There is a chance for real supportive sharing here, but instead we are told our loss is not unique. It's too bad, because to us it is not only unique, but life changing and having that support from others who have gone through it is essential.

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Actually, an exclusive room is probably the safest place for divorcees to speak abo...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


Actually, an exclusive room is probably the safest place for divorcees to speak about their divorces/annulments with others who have experienced similar. If you've spent any time in this fora you likely are already aware of the benevolent albeit minority of fora participants who waste no breath or moment of time in casting their judgement upon any sinner who as much as sneezes into the wind. Divorcees are among their favorite targets and are often the subject of the most harsh criticisms you will see posted anywhere in this fora.


That's where, I believe, admin has drawn the distinction between the widowed and divorced, and why one room is open and the other is restricted, as criticisms directed towards those who are widowed are extremely rare and propagated by those with very extreme views, whereas criticisms directed toward divorcees is very commonplace.


Just my

--hide--


I don't know, Victor, there are probably some widows willing to kiss before walking down the proverbial aisle that also face some pretty severe criticism, too! Just saying.

LOCKED
12/30/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I attended a Beginning Experience retreat for Catholics that had lost a spouse through de...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I attended a Beginning Experience retreat for Catholics that had lost a spouse through death or divorce. While the majority of groups were mixed, we were still given time to meet specifically with those in similar situations. Both losses are painful and unfortunate. Both share similar challenges, but it was still beneficial to be with people that "got it" because they had walked in your shoes. I feel like having rooms designated on CM that are closed to one group but open to the other puts widows/widowers at a disadvantage. There is a chance for real supportive sharing here, but instead we are told our loss is not unique. It's too bad, because to us it is not only unique, but life changing and having that support from others who have gone through it is essential.

--hide--
I've chosen to quit posting in this room. I now reach out privately/and have been reached out to privately.

Kind of sad that we don't feel comfortable sharing/supporting each other in this room in our unique struggles with grief. Which is what I thought this room was for......sharing with others who have walked this same road.

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