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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: I've chosen to quit posting in this room. I now reach out privately/and have been reached out...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

I've chosen to quit posting in this room. I now reach out privately/and have been reached out to privately.

Kind of sad that we don't feel comfortable sharing/supporting each other in this room in our unique struggles with grief. Which is what I thought this room was for......sharing with others who have walked this same road.

--hide--


"You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to plan Bob's funeral. It was also the last thing on my mind for several years after. If that difference is really not different than someone who has never married, why have a separate room at all?

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: "You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to pl...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



"You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to plan Bob's funeral. It was also the last thing on my mind for several years after. If that difference is really not different than someone who has never married, why have a separate room at all?

--hide--
I had a Priest who was doing our Parish retreat tell me the same thing a couple of months after Bob had passed. He told me I should take off my wedding rings because at the moment Bob passed, I was no longer married.

So you're right, Kathy, we do have differences.

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: I had a Priest who was doing our Parish retreat tell me the same thing a couple of months after B...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

I had a Priest who was doing our Parish retreat tell me the same thing a couple of months after Bob had passed. He told me I should take off my wedding rings because at the moment Bob passed, I was no longer married.

So you're right, Kathy, we do have differences.

--hide--


Then add the shock of the government taking away our married filing status and having to pay higher taxes on half our income. It was like adding insult to injury.

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: "You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to pl...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



"You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to plan Bob's funeral. It was also the last thing on my mind for several years after. If that difference is really not different than someone who has never married, why have a separate room at all?

--hide--
Thanks, Kathy. My second marriage ended with my husbands sudden death. The pain and loss was very similar. That is why I was surprised when I was blocked from posting in the divorced forum. Any whooo, I'll just stick with widows/widowers. I really enjoy meeting people and reading all the diverse subjects. This is all new to me, so I have to take care to not trample on peoples feelings by saying things that could hurt. If others get out of hand, I am sure I will not hesitate to set them straight. theheart

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: "You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to pl...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



"You are free to marry." That was Fr. Geno's words to me when he came to plan Bob's funeral. It was also the last thing on my mind for several years after. If that difference is really not different than someone who has never married, why have a separate room at all?

--hide--
Father Jack was in the process of conducting a huge church renovation appeal, and guess what my donation was? Since he accepted gifts in kind, I gave him my marriage ring set with a certified appraisal. The marriage was definitely over.

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Dec 30th 2012 new

This is exactly why I think this forum should be for widows/widowers only. I mean why even title it that way? There are HUGE differences between divorce and death. I am in no way saying that one is easier-but we are talking about two totally different things here. My boys lost their Father when they were 5. They will never see him again. I do not get child support for my boys-I get social security survivors benefits. My boys cannot call their Dad and tell him about their soccer, baseball, basketball game-ever. I never get a break from my kids unless they go to a friends house or I get a sitter. I am not mad at an ex spouse-I am totally grief stricken. Losing a partner to death and losing a partner to divorce are two very difficult things but extremely different.


There is so little support for the younger widowed folks. You should see it. I meet someone and the conversation is going really well until they ask when I got divorced. You could honestly hear a pin drop from across the room it gets so quiet. I need to talk to people that get it in this specific way.


I do not even want to post in the divorced section-why would I? If someone wanted to meet me then they could just contact me directly.


Honestly, I would like to be able to candidly share my experiences here and learn from those that have travelled the same path. There is nothing more insulting to someone than to say "I get it because I got divorced etc." In the same regard, I would not think of posting in the divorced section saying I get what they are going through-all I could really say is that I am sorry.


Just my two cents

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: This is exactly why I think this forum should be for widows/widowers only. I mean why even titl...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

This is exactly why I think this forum should be for widows/widowers only. I mean why even title it that way? There are HUGE differences between divorce and death. I am in no way saying that one is easier-but we are talking about two totally different things here. My boys lost their Father when they were 5. They will never see him again. I do not get child support for my boys-I get social security survivors benefits. My boys cannot call their Dad and tell him about their soccer, baseball, basketball game-ever. I never get a break from my kids unless they go to a friends house or I get a sitter. I am not mad at an ex spouse-I am totally grief stricken. Losing a partner to death and losing a partner to divorce are two very difficult things but extremely different.


There is so little support for the younger widowed folks. You should see it. I meet someone and the conversation is going really well until they ask when I got divorced. You could honestly hear a pin drop from across the room it gets so quiet. I need to talk to people that get it in this specific way.


I do not even want to post in the divorced section-why would I? If someone wanted to meet me then they could just contact me directly.


Honestly, I would like to be able to candidly share my experiences here and learn from those that have travelled the same path. There is nothing more insulting to someone than to say "I get it because I got divorced etc." In the same regard, I would not think of posting in the divorced section saying I get what they are going through-all I could really say is that I am sorry.


Just my two cents

--hide--
Theresa, I couldn't agree with you more. We do need to be able to share our feeling and experiences candidly with others who have walked this same path.

I remember one of my first post in the widows room was jumped on by a woman who was divorced. I simply stated that I pray to my husband daily for guidance (on the advice of two Nuns) and help to get me through the day. Well this woman came in and jumped all over me for praying to my husband. She was finger wagging about not praying to others, that I should be praying to God. I was very gracious in my response to her, but I can tell you it was a long time before I ever posted in here. I went away crying and licking my wounds.

On another occasion I've seen someone post in here about having to have the family dog put to sleep. As if that could possibly compare to the death of our spouse. Of course, we were once again gracious and prayed for him.

My point being.....we do come from a totally different place than others who have not had to live through the devastating loss of a spouse. When a person gets divorced, there's always a good chance they'll see that person again (whether they want to or not), I know I will NEVER see my husband in this life again. BIG DIFFERENCE.

LOCKED
Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: I remember one of my first post in the widows room was jumped on by a woman who was divorced. I simply s...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said: I remember one of my first post in the widows room was jumped on by a woman who was divorced. I simply stated that I pray to my husband daily for guidance (on the advice of two Nuns) and help to get me through the day. Well this woman came in and jumped all over me for praying to my husband. She was finger wagging about not praying to others, that I should be praying to God. I was very gracious in my response to her, but I can tell you it was a long time before I ever posted in here. I went away crying and licking my wounds. My point being.....we do come from a totally different place than others who have not had to live through the devastating loss of a spouse. When a person gets divorced, there's always a good chance they'll see that person again (whether they want to or not), I know I will NEVER see my husband in this life again. BIG DIFFERENCE.

--hide--
Linda, hug hug

I well remember that first post of yours, and the ensuing ill effects and injustices that were said....I recall the empathy between several widows/widowers that followed, and the private support that occurred as a result.... angel

I well know the dual face of Divorce and Widowhood...but I relate my identity with Widowhood--it has been FAR MORE compelling and life altering.

FOR THE RECORD, and not that it should matter to anyone but me, God, and a possible future spouse...like Nilda, I also experienced Divorce in my early 20's. It was a painful experience; it was a loss; it left emotional and spiritual emptiness; it impacted families, finances, and faith....I discerned and endured the agony of internal and external scrutiny, and the timelessness of the anullment process... I was later blessed to enter into a sacrimental marriage, and create a new family. I experienced the grave illness and death of my husband, and believe me, it was no where the same as the loss of my first marriage. The recovery process from the end of both marriages involved wounds of grief, anger, fears, and hopelessness, BUT THE DEPTH AND PERMANENCE were vastly incomparable from death to those from divorce.

I feel an immediate bond with those in the widowed ranks. However, unless you've walked that path, you may have empathy and words of wisdom and encouragement/support (which are very humbly and gratefully received), but it just isn't as complete of a union of feelings and experiences.

God bless each of you, who reads this. Let us offer compassion and prayers for ALL of us in our daily walk---we are different members, but ALL ONE BODY in Christ. rose

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Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Theresa, I couldn't agree with you more. We do need to be able to share our feeling and exper...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Theresa, I couldn't agree with you more. We do need to be able to share our feeling and experiences candidly with others who have walked this same path.

I remember one of my first post in the widows room was jumped on by a woman who was divorced. I simply stated that I pray to my husband daily for guidance (on the advice of two Nuns) and help to get me through the day. Well this woman came in and jumped all over me for praying to my husband. She was finger wagging about not praying to others, that I should be praying to God. I was very gracious in my response to her, but I can tell you it was a long time before I ever posted in here. I went away crying and licking my wounds.

On another occasion I've seen someone post in here about having to have the family dog put to sleep. As if that could possibly compare to the death of our spouse. Of course, we were once again gracious and prayed for him.

My point being.....we do come from a totally different place than others who have not had to live through the devastating loss of a spouse. When a person gets divorced, there's always a good chance they'll see that person again (whether they want to or not), I know I will NEVER see my husband in this life again. BIG DIFFERENCE.

--hide--


I'm going to inject a little humor here. I've always thought of eagles as my sign that Bob is okay. I don't go so far as to think they are him, but God's message to me that he is near. (I used to pray to Bob, also and over time I started calling on God as husband because he had mine with him.) Anyways, Bob's daughter ordered me a beautiful ornament with the same bible verse I have in my profile and a picture of an eagle. She doesn't know I have Isaiah 40:31 in my profile. When we turned it over, it is inscribed "Robinson Family souvenir ornament 2026." We were laughing through tears as it seemed as if Bob was screwing with us a little bit. All of us recognized it as something that he would have cracked up over. None of us are named Robinson!

LOCKED
Dec 30th 2012 new

I am so glad to see y'all posting again. I have avoided this room to avoid any new attacks. This is only the second time in my 59 years that I have been alone between Christmas and New Year's. I'm keeping a stiff upper lip and most of the time I am managing the silence. David's birthday is New Year's day. You would think that after 6 years, I wouldn't even think about it. If I were single because of divorce, I suppose New Year's Day would be different for me and truly I am not sure what it does mean now. I no longer wear my wedding ring and I have accepted the fact that I am single. What a shock that was. Oddly enough it took me 4 years before I wrapped my head around that one. I, too, pray to David and am thankful that he is praying for me and our children. But I am also very hopeful that one New Year's Eve in the future I will be dancing with a new love of my life.


The pain that we, both widows and widowers alike, feel is wrapped up in so many emotions. It can be a private anguish of mixed up feelings. I am thankful that I am able to read your stories and be comforted by the knowledge that I am, at least, semi-normal. And, my heart is mindful of the difficult road we walk. I am praying with you all that we can find the peace and the joy God surely has in mind for each of us. And, I am thankful for the private messages some of us have shared since the last postings that caused us to be wary of posting in this room.


- Elizabeth


PS So far, so good. no new attacks. maybe we can keep posting.



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