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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 30th 2012 new

I'd like to give you the politically correct answer "that is doesn't matter or it is even a good thing" but whether most men are willing to admit it or not, I think they would prefer to date a woman without kids. Now, you are 44, so I imagine there are other men on this site that may be single with kids of their own, so those men would likely be good matches for you. Or, there may be men who figure now they are in there 40's so having kids of their own wouldn't be ideal anyways, so those could be good matches for you as well.

As for me, I am 34, so I am at a age where I see a mix of women around my age who are single both without kids and with kids. I have to be honest, there is so much that goes into a relationship, so for me, although I wouldn't rule out dating a woman with kids, I do tend to seek women without them. Also, I tend to prefer to date women in their mid to upper 20's, than in their 30's, so the whole "biological clock" thing is less of a factor. ( I know that is another taboo that men get bashed by women about, but it is just reality.) I just want to tell it like it is....

God Bless,
Patrick

Dec 30th 2012 new

Michelle, for my own part, I have no reluctance what-so-ever to consider a woman who has children; in fact I hope that it is so, when I finally join the one that God intends for me.

I love my sons, hoped for more children from my prior marriage, but that hope was thwarted. I coached elementary and Jr High sports (CYO & Little League) for several years and cherished the opportunity to interact with the young and show them that an adult could show them respect and treat them as an equal (excepting 'teaching' moments - which were still done with respect and the mindfullness of Christ's particular care children.) I still interact with youth in my participation in musical theater - it is such a privilege to have even the slightest positive influence on a young person - and I always pray that God never lets me do otherwise.

This is what I would, and already have brought to a relationship. As a 'step-child' and 'late orphan', I know what it's like to have a strange adult step in and try to take charge of my life without even attempting to get to know me or lend just a little respect.

I've even been faced with the consideration that I may 'have' to participate in the raising of a potential, future partner's grandchildren. I was actually surprised by how quickly I concluded, "Yeah! I'm okay with that!"

I believe a prospective companion would also come to be comfortable with the possibility once she met my sons, too. I have been blessed with a challenging life that God has used to make be a good father/coach/confidant. Mind, I'm not perfect, but I have managed to live through the examples of what NOT to do or be.

Michelle, I hope this eases your concern over an important question. I would suggest that you pay attention to the reactions of your children as well. Sometimes they sense what may be obscured by your own hopes. I know (and somewhat reqret) that I hid my deepest feelings from my father - didn't feel I had a right to interfere with a relationship that seemed to make HIM happy; yet he might have taken a moment to step back and notice that I stayed as far away from his 'girlfriend' as I could.

God Bless!

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been &qu...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single" even during my marriage raising our kids and just want to know how guys feel about getting involved with a woman who has children where the father has basically "checked out" and not in the picture for sometime now.

--hide--

Having been married to a woman before who already had a child, I can comment on this one from experience.

I love children and have no problem with taking on responsibilities as a step parent, but my experience was that HER child came before the marriage, and there wasn't a feeling of "us" during the course of the marriage.

So, in considering ladies to date once annulled, I would struggle with women who say "my children come first". Yes, children must be cared for and loved, but as a potential husband I would pray that our marriage would come first and that I would be my spouse's hero... and also able to participate fully in raising her children and setting an example as a Catholic father/dad to them when they're not in the care of their natural father. It is a major turnoff for men seeking to establish relationships with "single mothers" to be told "my child comes first." As a guy, I'd have to say to them, " What am I? Chopped liver? Thanks for letting me know how you value me... guess this shows where you'll place our marriage on your priority list..."

Father or mother, it is important that ALL "single again" parents seeking remarriage (not just moms) with children are careful to place their priorities in the correct order. I believe that, behind our Lord, our spouses come first. Children come second. As stewardesses say, put your own oxygen mask on first, then your child's. In other words, build and maintain a loving marital relationship where both people know they are loved and valued, and then use the blessing of that love to care for the children.

Certainly, children must take priority from time to time... but if a spouse feels undervalued then resentments can develop that will destroy a marriage.

I cared for my (ex) wife's daughter as if she were my own... to the point of putting her through a few years of private school at my own expense due to poor public schools where I was stationed (schools were dangerous, actually...) The financial aspects of caring for another man's children, when that man isn't paying child support, can be an issue. However, I strongly believe that if the wife loves her husband, lets him know he is her hero, and allows him to actively parent his stepchildren, that the financial aspects of raising another man's children aren't necessarily showstoppers. Your mileage may vary... and other men may believe differently...

Enough for now... 'tis late for this very early riser and I'm rambling.



Michael

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: How do we help men overcome that fear. Do we put in our profile that the children's father is...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

How do we help men overcome that fear. Do we put in our profile that the children's father isn't involved? That just seems awkward and over-reaching to me.

--hide--
That is another very good question to get information on! Yea, but I think they would not rather have to feel threatened or compete with the ex....

Dec 30th 2012 new

Thanks to all the guys who took the time to share their thoughts on my topic question. I am more enlightened and will take all in consideration. Also, the annullment process (which I am doing right now) is so hard and painful that I have to put down the reasons for it...I want to forget it all happened and will be glad once it has been done and agreed to be given to me.

Dec 30th 2012 new

Mine took 8 months from start to finish. Hang in there.

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been &qu...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single" even during my marriage raising our kids and just want to know how guys feel about getting involved with a woman who has children where the father has basically "checked out" and not in the picture for sometime now.

--hide--


Michelle - clearly your children are an important part of your life, so the quest is to find the right man, in a comiitted relationship, who will cherish both you and your children. The right guy is out there, patience and you will meet. Speaking for myself, a dad of three boys, I'm looking for that special woman, and her and I will become us. My boys are part of that equation, but I'm not looking for a mom for them. If she has her own children - that would be wonderful. If she does not, that is ok, too.

Dec 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: That is another very good question to get information on! Yea, but I think they would not rath...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

That is another very good question to get information on! Yea, but I think they would not rather have to feel threatened or compete with the ex....

--hide--

Can a guy answer this for Michelle and myself?

Dec 30th 2012 new
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single&quo...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

I am a single mother who is just now trying get in the dating field. I basically have been "single" even during my marriage raising our kids and just want to know how guys feel about getting involved with a woman who has children where the father has basically "checked out" and not in the picture for sometime now.

--hide--


I have to flip the question. I've seen profiles of women who absolutely refuse to get involved with a guy who has children. No matter divorced with annulment or widower, WHY?

Such a relationship is more difficult, but the children should not receive the punishment. God gives us the tools to handle the situation rosary
Dec 30th 2012 new

Thanks Shara! You are a beautiful young lady!

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