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This room is for discussion on entertainment, movies, television, jokes or light-hearted topics. Please keep discussion clean and appropriate for a Catholic site.

Saint Vitus is the patron saint of actors, comedians, dancers, and of entertainers in general.
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It seems to me that we are getting way too serious around here. So I thought it would be a good idea to start a joke thread. My brother sent me one that I laugh at everytime I read it and I hear on good authority that some good K of C gents are passing it around, too. Looking forward to reading many more.


- Elizabeth



About five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your #$%$ and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."


When Roosevelt introduced Welfare he said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your #$%$, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your #$%$, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land to China. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy and my retirement that I called the suicide hotline. I was routed to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got excited and asked if I could drive a truck!

12/31/2012 new
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 'So, where were you all these years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
12/31/2012 new
A man was telling his neighbor in Mesa, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'
12/31/2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult comm...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said: A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?' He replies, 'I lived here years ago.' 'So, where were you all these years?' 'In prison,' he says. 'Why did they put you in prison?' He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.' 'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
--hide--


Is he anyone we know, Pete? You know, I think we should be warned or at least let Admin know. rolling eyes wave


- Elizabeth

12/31/2012 new

Roosevelt was overheard one day telling a four star general.......

I've been in war, and I've been in Eleanor.....Frankly, I prefer war!! shocked laughing laughing

12/31/2012 new
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and
friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw
the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: July 19, 2010

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you
are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S.- Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

12/31/2012 new

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a great huge, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

12/31/2012 new

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I
like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

''They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''

12/31/2012 new

Sobering info …

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock a year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

12/31/2012 new

I won't mention any names Elizabeth, but I'm posting this for somebody else:

www.youtube.com

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