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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Tom. I was trying to hold back before but your blatant attack on the Church imp...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Tom. I was trying to hold back before but your blatant attack on the Church implying that has introduced words that Jesus never spoke is so theologically inaccurate that I need to address it. Please not that what makes us Catholic is divine revelation that comes to us in the form of Scripture and Tradition ( Capital T) as confirmed in the scripture by St Paul. He says take to heart not only that which is written down but that which is handed down to you by your brethren. Divine relvelation is God's reveling of himself to us which started with creation. Public revelation ended with Christ as God could not reveal himself anymore than by becoming man. However private revelation which is the peeling back of the beautiful mystery that is Christ is an ongoing process. It comes to us in the form of sripture and Tradition. Both are equally inportant and with equal levels of validation. If you are coming from the school of thought of Sola Scriptura, then that is catechically and theologically in accurate. ( But that is a whole other discusssion)

I admit that I am extremely defensive when it comes to my faith ( even though the Church needs no defending) but do not DARE to come on a CATHOLIC forum and try to challenge the Church's authority in Tradition. Tread very carefully I ask you dear sir.

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Thank you for lecturing me on Scripture and Tradition. I don't know how many times I've taught that lesson in Catechism classes, and no one would even hint they'd thought I was a Fundamentalist. You should read more carefully what I have said about "annulment" and you'll see I do not reject the Church's position on it. I think you should also re-read my reflection and witness the pain that the culture of easy divorce and remarriage (when it's outside the Church) can do to a person. You'd get a lot more respect from me discussing those salient points than being a cheerleader for such a casual intermixing of families.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: Pray for wisdom, guidance, and the will of God. Keep all of your senses, including the supernatural...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

Pray for wisdom, guidance, and the will of God. Keep all of your senses, including the supernatural one that will be sent to you, on what is best for your children, and his as well. This is a tougher gig than people here are letting on. I will offer you a Rosary this evening.

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Thanks for the prayer theheart

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Tom-919560 said: Thank you for lecturing me on Scripture and Tradition. I don't know how many times I've tau...
(Quote) Tom-919560 said:

Thank you for lecturing me on Scripture and Tradition. I don't know how many times I've taught that lesson in Catechism classes, and no one would even hint they'd thought I was a Fundamentalist. You should read more carefully what I have said about "annulment" and you'll see I do not reject the Church's position on it. I think you should also re-read my reflection and witness the pain that the culture of easy divorce and remarriage (when it's outside the Church) can do to a person. You'd get a lot more respect from me discussing those salient points than being a cheerleader for such a casual intermixing of families.

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Tom I am not a cheerleader for casual intermixing of families. Not sure why it came of as such. While you did say you would not argue with the church on her position, your other comments seemed to imply otherwise. It is obvious that you are comnig from a position of deep hurt with some experience or another based on your comments. I am truly sorry that you had to go through this pain and that the wound is so deep. No one shoud have ot go through that. However I challenge you to take that to Our Lady and ask her to help you heal that. However, keep in mind that not everyone is like you and your ex-wife. We all have our journeys that God has mapped out for us. Allow God to take others on their own journey through the direction of the Church. It may be your journey of single life or it may be otherwise.

To clarify my position:While it is obviously not ideal I think that with time spent for healing, sipiritual guidance, discernment and grace, the impossible is possible. As in all things I advise prayer and guidance ( especially from a Holy Priest). I am NOT an advocate of doing anything casually. That being said I planned on going to Adoration to ring in the New Year with my two dear ones and my best guy Jesus so I bid you Goodnight.

Apologies if I came of as being mean. I should really have spoken more in love but the Church is my achilles heel. Not an excuse though for the lack of charity that i displayed so for that I say sorry. I was wrong. But I challenge you not to look at everything soely from your lens of past hurt.

Dec 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Tom I am not a cheerleader for casual intermixing of families. Not sure why it ...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Tom I am not a cheerleader for casual intermixing of families. Not sure why it came of as such. While you did say you would not argue with the church on her position, your other comments seemed to imply otherwise. It is obvious that you are comnig from a position of deep hurt with some experience or another based on your comments. I am truly sorry that you had to go through this pain and that the wound is so deep. No one shoud have ot go through that. However I challenge you to take that to Our Lady and ask her to help you heal that. However, keep in mind that not everyone is like you and your ex-wife. We all have our journeys that God has mapped out for us. Allow God to take others on their own journey through the direction of the Church. It may be your journey of single life or it may be otherwise.

To clarify my position:While it is obviously not ideal I think that with time spent for healing, sipiritual guidance, discernment and grace, the impossible is possible. As in all things I advise prayer and guidance ( especially from a Holy Priest). I am NOT an advocate of doing anything casually. That being said I planned on going to Adoration to ring in the New Year with my two dear ones and my best guy Jesus so I bid you Goodnight.

Apologies if I came of as being mean. I should really have spoken more in love but the Church is my achilles heel. Not an excuse though for the lack of charity that i displayed so for that I say sorry. I was wrong. But I challenge you not to look at everything soely from your lens of past hurt.

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Neither of us have a problem with Mother Church, and I am probably more conservative than Opus Dei. I allow for the certain probability that good men and women can remarry after an annullment. Unfortunately, when he's a Catholic and she's not, then, in this case, the good Italian, Catholic, family man will most likely experience the greater pain. Is man's thoughtlessness to man something outside the confines of the Holy, Roman Church? I doubt it. I hoped to give men and women here something else to think about besides, "Ok, it's legal so now what's next?" As a man who has taught high school kids for 30 years I can testify that a heck of a lot of kids, besides mine, are in pain, and it's been caused by mom and dad saying "I want" rather than "I will put aside what I want for you, my dear little ones." If you can find a man who loves you, your kids, and his kids beyond all measure, then go for it. We are called teach these litttle ones, by our example, so that they might escape the cycle of broken families.

I apologize for calling you a cheerleader.

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-235584 said: you can't,. at some point in time the ex will eventually find out. Th...
(Quote) Patrick-235584 said:


you can't,. at some point in time the ex will eventually find out. Then we'll just be going around with a big ol target on our backs!

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laughing laughing ain't it the truth (too)

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Mike-646924 said: ain't it the truth (too)
(Quote) Mike-646924 said:

ain't it the truth (too)

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Faint heart ne'er won fair maid!!!!!

Jan 1st 2013 new
(Quote) Antonio-556710 said: Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect)....
(Quote) Antonio-556710 said:

Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect). Is when the woman doesn't go after the dad for child support. I was in a kind of relationship with a woman with children but I couldn't go any farther because she refused to go after the guy for her own kids sake. Because I have a child that my whole life practically revolved around t'ill he could fend for himself it's like figernails on a chalk board to me. Now a days...CSS or DHS(in WA state) will find him. He could be in Afganistan and they will empty his pockets. I just can't see myself ending up financially responsible for some other guys kid. I love kids especially my own. As far as just dating, going out and having good clean fun, I'm game. Kids themselves as little people don't bother me none. I love doing things that are kid friendly. The zoo, aquariums, out door activities, the beach, kung fu panda. These things cost money and their pops has to back them one way or another... voluntary or court ordered. Thats how I feel about dating ladies with kids.

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While this is not an issue for me I would like to ask the question, what if the woman had a valid reason for never seeking child support from the biological father? Such as 'If she receives child support, he also gets visitation rights with a ver impressionable minor?' If deadbeat Dad is an Alcoholic, Drug Addict or any number of other things I can see why the Mom would forget the child support and pay for her child on her own.....

You know money isn't everything.....
Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: (Quote) Antonio-556710 said: Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:
Quote:
Antonio-556710 said:

Hi Michelle, The part that really gets my goat about some females in your situation...(with all due respect). Is when the woman doesn't go after the dad for child support. I was in a kind of relationship with a woman with children but I couldn't go any farther because she refused to go after the guy for her own kids sake. Because I have a child that my whole life practically revolved around t'ill he could fend for himself it's like figernails on a chalk board to me. Now a days...CSS or DHS(in WA state) will find him. He could be in Afganistan and they will empty his pockets. I just can't see myself ending up financially responsible for some other guys kid. I love kids especially my own. As far as just dating, going out and having good clean fun, I'm game. Kids themselves as little people don't bother me none. I love doing things that are kid friendly. The zoo, aquariums, out door activities, the beach, kung fu panda. These things cost money and their pops has to back them one way or another... voluntary or court ordered. Thats how I feel about dating ladies with kids.




While this is not an issue for me I would like to ask the question, what if the woman had a valid reason for never seeking child support from the biological father? Such as 'If she receives child support, he also gets visitation rights with a ver impressionable minor?' If deadbeat Dad is an Alcoholic, Drug Addict or any number of other things I can see why the Mom would forget the child support and pay for her child on her own.....

You know money isn't everything.....
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Maybe I come from a different school of thought, or maybe I'm just different (as has been implied on MANY occasions laughing ), but I just can't help but to wonder where the new boyfriend comes into the equation in regards to the financial arrangement between the new gal he is just beginning to date and the father of her child(ren). Regardless of her reasons for either receiving or not receiving monetary support, what business is it of someone she's just beginning to date, or anyone else for that matter, to be privy to this information and to be allowed input regarding her circumstance? Next thing you know he'll want to know who claims the child(ren) on their tax return! A new relationship doesn't entitle anyone to know that information any more than that person has the right to know how much money you have in the bank.


Too many people these days have a very bad habit of thinking that they are entitled to and have a right to know immediately far too much about things that do not involve them, nor are any of their concern, for no other reason than they want to know.


As sad as this is going to sound, from my own personal observations and experiences over the years, a man who places such a high priority and expresses such great concern over financial arrangements like this are usually calculating things like alimony and child support as a means by which to determine how much a relationship with a woman and her child(ren) won't cost him. I've actually seen men factor in whether the child(ren) attend public, or private school, and who pays for their tuition as well as which parent's insurance plan is covering their child(ren).


Sadly, it really is a sick world out there with very misplaced values and priorities.


Just my two cents


theheart

Jan 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Maybe I come from a different school of thought, or maybe I'm just differen...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


Maybe I come from a different school of thought, or maybe I'm just different (as has been implied on MANY occasions ), but I just can't help but to wonder where the new boyfriend comes into the equation in regards to the financial arrangement between the new gal he is just beginning to date and the father of her child(ren). Regardless of her reasons for either receiving or not receiving monetary support, what business is it of someone she's just beginning to date, or anyone else for that matter, to be privy to this information and to be allowed input regarding her circumstance? Next thing you know he'll want to know who claims the child(ren) on their tax return! A new relationship doesn't entitle anyone to know that information any more than that person has the right to know how much money you have in the bank.


Too many people these days have a very bad habit of thinking that they are entitled to and have a right to know immediately far too much about things that do not involve them, nor are any of their concern, for no other reason than they want to know.


As sad as this is going to sound, from my own personal observations and experiences over the years, a man who places such a high priority and expresses such great concern over financial arrangements like this are usually calculating things like alimony and child support as a means by which to determine how much a relationship with a woman and her child(ren) won't cost him. I've actually seen men factor in whether the child(ren) attend public, or private school, and who pays for their tuition as well as which parent's insurance plan is covering their child(ren).


Sadly, it really is a sick world out there with very misplaced values and priorities.


Just my

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Exactly what I mean. Why would any one of the beautiful women on here be willing to enter into a relationship with someone who thinks like that? From what I have seen so far, the women on here are good Catholic women seeking their St. Joseph. St Joseph would never have asked that.

Actually St. Joseph was not only put into a position where he had to raise another man's child, he was put into a position where the woman, Mary, had been his bethroved before she got pregnant. While he had hesitation and doubt, a prudent emotion and experience, once he confirmed that it was where God was leading him, he was in for the penny and in for the pound. He financed their journey to Bethlehem, the birth and even lead his wife and (foster child) to safety in a far off land away from his family.

That is where the thinking of the men on this board should be. On being St. Joseph. Is it any wonder that the only words in the bible and my favorite quote about St.Joseph is "Joseph was a JUST man." How can any woman view a man who thinks like that as just? Joseph is the poster child for Stepfathers. While we as women strive ot be your Mary strive to be St. Joseph for us.

While I am not looking for a man to financially support me OR MY KIDS, I am also not looking for a man who is factoring whether he needs to support me and my kids as a deciding factor. That is what I call a RED flag.

When did caring a for child that is not your own become a problem for us Catholics. Sure it is not ideal. However, should we who tout Adoption as the loving option place so much emphasis on only being responsible for or raising a child that is biologically ours. Where are we headed is a slippery path.

Jan 1st 2013 new
(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Maybe I come from a different school of thought, or maybe I'm just different ...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:




Maybe I come from a different school of thought, or maybe I'm just different (as has been implied on MANY occasions ), but I just can't help but to wonder where the new boyfriend comes into the equation in regards to the financial arrangement between the new gal he is just beginning to date and the father of her child(ren). Regardless of her reasons for either receiving or not receiving monetary support, what business is it of someone she's just beginning to date, or anyone else for that matter, to be privy to this information and to be allowed input regarding her circumstance? Next thing you know he'll want to know who claims the child(ren) on their tax return! A new relationship doesn't entitle anyone to know that information any more than that person has the right to know how much money you have in the bank.




Too many people these days have a very bad habit of thinking that they are entitled to and have a right to know immediately far too much about things that do not involve them, nor are any of their concern, for no other reason than they want to know.




As sad as this is going to sound, from my own personal observations and experiences over the years, a man who places such a high priority and expresses such great concern over financial arrangements like this are usually calculating things like alimony and child support as a means by which to determine how much a relationship with a woman and her child(ren) won't cost him. I've actually seen men factor in whether the child(ren) attend public, or private school, and who pays for their tuition as well as which parent's insurance plan is covering their child(ren).




Sadly, it really is a sick world out there with very misplaced values and priorities.




Just my






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Very well said....and yes I was a single parent for 22 years. I did not date until he was 16 because my son was my first priority in my life. I do miss him terribly, and wish I still had him today. Children are such a blessing, they are not baggage. I never once asked the person I dated to fund my son's recreation....sometimes when I read comments on here it does make me sad because if I loved someone I would hope I would learn to love & bond with their children as well if there were any. And if there is to be a relationship wouldn't all children become ours????
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