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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: I was wondering what are the rules of engagement for dating in the Catholic church. What is co...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

I was wondering what are the rules of engagement for dating in the Catholic church. What is considered exceptable and not?

For example:

When traveling do we have to get two seperate rooms or sleeping on two seperate beds okay?

Or what are the rules of physical intimacy (obviously sex is out of the question) but what about making out?

Or any random things that a non practicing Catholic would take for granted...

Thank you!

--hide--


Separate rooms. Never compromise. Wait until marriage for anything else. Oh.. the rules would be decided by each individual couple. ie: If you know you can't handle anything- don't start it up. You do want to express affection but you have to figure out how to do so without setting yourselves up for falling into sin.. ect and you want to avoid losing control on a regular basis... so you have to be prudent and careful.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

Patricia-There is a really great book called: How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul. It is especially written for younger people such as yourself. It explains the 'why's' not just the 'rules'.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen ...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen Jersey shore? Majority of young adults regardless of their faith whether it be Jewish, Catholic, etc have been brainwashed. How many 20 somethings go to your church out of free will? I'm in the minority. I am also the only one under 50 going to daily mass. What you consider "By the age of 27, people have had enough religious education" is a falacy. I know my Jewish friends are going through the same thing. Some of us haven't gone to private religious school. Some of us have had to go on our own for spiritual guidance and seek the word of God. Once again, you need to understand what is fundamentally happening to my generation to understand what I'm coming from. I am honestly asking for direction and help and I am getting nothing but holier than thou responses.

--hide--

Not taking sides, but I'll just say ---- I attended Catholic schools from pre-K to junior year of high school (I chose to attend public for my last two years due to an internship). I had NO CLUE that artificial birth control was against the church until I was halfway through college; actually, it's only because I happened to attend a retreat (not college related) and we had a brief discussion on morality. One girl mentioned Great News about Sex and Marriage and that's when I found out. I just grew up being taught that premarital sex was wrong and you shouldn't shack up (cohabitate). Actually, in 7th grade in Catholic school, we had a speaker come to talk about sex (boys separately and girls separately), and I'm quite sure she talked about condoms. I heard the term "chastity belt," but I never really heard about practicing chastity. It was moreso, What can we do besides sex? Where do you draw the line?


So, my point is, even with growing up in Catholic schools and being in a Catholic family where we went to church weekly, I didn't know a lot until I started seeking on my own. Now, I'm the person informing others. I've become very proactive in learning, but many aren't. Had I not gotten the book recommendation and been proactive to read it, I probably wouldn't have learned about NFP until pre-cana. Seriously.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: That's why I'm asking. And you don't want to do anything questionable! If anyone h...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

That's why I'm asking. And you don't want to do anything questionable! If anyone has a good book or site that further outlines this. It would be greatly apprecitated!

God Bless!

--hide--


There are tons of books on Chastity and on Dating. Jason Evert- is that the right name? We have had threads on this topic repeatedly and these threads name books. One book was called And the Bride wore White.

Excellent book. Then there are books by Jason Evert and others...

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well said and thank you! God bless! I'm not trying to push any limit but I'm al...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well said and thank you! God bless!

I'm not trying to push any limit but I'm also making sure I cover my grounds. There a lot of people who are under false assumptions. Prior to getting involved in a relationship I want to make sure I know what I'm doing.

--hide--

A very wise approach!

If you've ever taken care of children, it may help to think of how a child and parent or caregiver look at rules. Does the parent not care when the child gets too close to danger, whether or not they have actually broken a rule? And while a good parent loves all of their children regardless of how good or bad they may be, do they treat them equally? Do they ignore the fact that a child repeatedly breaks rules, even if they choose to to punish each infraction separately? Or do they give more privileges and responsibility to those who show more responsibility by doing the right thing instead of what they are permitted to do?

God is the same way. Unfortunately, because He doesn't usually give us an immediate and obvious punishment when we break His rules we often convince ourselves that we haven't done anything wrong. God does recognize our fallen nature and forgives us -- when we ask -- but He also expects that we try to avoid breaking His rules and to make a conscious effort to change our ways.

Imagine hwo much difference there is between the way a person who desires to please God lives their life and the way a person who merely seeks to avoid sin leads theirs. Which do you think will get the most graces that will help them to lead a holier life and be closer to God: the one who uses their free will to seek out to please God, or the one who uses their free will to simply stay out of trouble?

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen ...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well I'm not sure if you have noticed the MTV generation? Have you seen Jersey shore? Majority of young adults regardless of their faith whether it be Jewish, Catholic, etc have been brainwashed. How many 20 somethings go to your church out of free will? I'm in the minority. I am also the only one under 50 going to daily mass. What you consider "By the age of 27, people have had enough religious education" is a falacy. I know my Jewish friends are going through the same thing. Some of us haven't gone to private religious school. Some of us have had to go on our own for spiritual guidance and seek the word of God. Once again, you need to understand what is fundamentally happening to my generation to understand what I'm coming from. I am honestly asking for direction and help and I am getting nothing but holier than thou responses.

--hide--
Most Catholics (in fact most people period) haven't gone to a parochial school. It's a fact though that sufficient education in one's faith is sadly lacking in general. Real education is developed in the home -- from parents. Additional programs are available at nearly all Churches to educate people in the fundamentals. If for some reason you've had to "go it alone" as you put it for spiritual guidance, then we should give you credit that is due. Not eveyone does this.

As for the MTV generation, I don't watch much TV and am not familiar with Jersey Shore. From what I've seen of any TV, a lot of it is trashy. The simple solution is to not watch it. There are more worthwhile things to do.

You seem sincere in your question (although I wasn't sure how to take it in your original post), but you haven't acknowledged the positive responses you've gotten, including 2 excellent sources: the Catechism and the book Theology of the Body, as well as the blog that was mentioned. The Catechism is more easily read if you have the book (eBay has some used ones that usually sell for about $10.00); also it is online. All you need to do is Google "Catechism of the Catholic Church" and find appropriate passages relating to chastity and purity.

The Catechism is full of knowledge of the fundamentals of your Faith. There's a wealth of knowledge in it -- most of it is easily understood, or at least as much as possible, given that there are many mysteries in our Faith.

We don't want or need acknowledgement that this information has been passed onto you -- we are directing you to the sources of information that you seek. The rest is up to you. If there are questions (most likely there will be), you can talk to your parish priest or spiritual advisor. There's nothing they haven't been asked before so there's no need to be shy about it.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: (Quote) Pamela-577899 said: If you are following the church...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Quote:
Pamela-577899 said:




If you are following the church teachings then you already no what is wrong. As for being grown up enough to control your self while traveling get two rooms travel with others to be safe. Yet , I have myself traveled with guys and we have due to lack of money gotten one room and 2 beds but in the end those guys are just very good friends with me at the time they were more than that but very respectful. making out is alright as long as you don't get too hot . I kissing is not at all a bad thing but you both need to talk about this stuff before engaging in it . Communicate with each other, take your time with with each other as well. Just my 2 cents.


Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind?



For example if I'm going camping and sharing a tent with someone I'm dating. Say this tent is really big. We are both sleeping on the extreme opposite sides. What if there is not lust or mental temptation. It's literally sleeping in a tent. Would you consider that bad? Also I travel often and with one of my good guy friends. We typically to save costs get double beds. We are not attracted to eachother and we practically consider eachother family (as in sibling relationship). Is that considered bad?

--hide--


It depends on the relationship with that guy that you have.

Yes it can be seen as a state of mind. Women need to really face facts about how a man's body will respond to the visual cue though. The fact that men are differnt from us ladies is something we need to consider. In doing so we are protecting ourselves as a couple.

I had a guy ask me to go with him to the mountains where I would be sleeping in a tent in the snow when I was 18, 19. I knew what that implied. It was 1976-77 before the advent of HIV and so many STD's. It was during the explosion of FREE LOVE into the dating scene and the disco era was beginning. The idea was to go cross country sking. Which would have been so much fun.. I was not very happy as to what the sleeping in a tent implied. I did not go and would not have been allowed to go and I do not regret that at all.

It does not take much maturity to have sex. It takes thought and mature thinking to reason the issue out and to make prudent decisions.

You have to know your partner/friend/date.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Christina-618826 said: Hey Patricia, You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled &qu...
(Quote) Christina-618826 said:

Hey Patricia,

You should check out the blog article in the blog section entittled "Physical Bounderies", I thought it was a good read. Also, do check out Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. It talks about what is at the very heart of being a man or woman,why God made us as we are and why we desire relationship to name a few of the topics.

--hide--


That was a good article... and the pics made me laugh! laughing

Jan 3rd 2013 new

Ray...Very well said. I need to add no more to your most succinct response! Danke!

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-925069 said: Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind? For example if I&#...
(Quote) Patricia-925069 said:

Well frankly isn't temptation a state of mind?

For example if I'm going camping and sharing a tent with someone I'm dating. Say this tent is really big. We are both sleeping on the extreme opposite sides. What if there is not lust or mental temptation. It's literally sleeping in a tent. Would you consider that bad? Also I travel often and with one of my good guy friends. We typically to save costs get double beds. We are not attracted to eachother and we practically consider eachother family (as in sibling relationship). Is that considered bad?

--hide--


Patricia,

I have a friend with whom I discussed some of these issues times recently as she has a suitor (age 75) who is attempting to seduce her.( I am guessing she is age 65.) I have a thread about it in the Womens Room called "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave" the title comes from a book I am recommending in my thread which analyzes love VERY Carefully by two male doctors who are the authors. I suggest you visit my thread. This thread also discusses some movies I had my friend watch, My friend is about 65.

She told me that she and the men in her age group were raised to be moral and avoid premarital sex but to get married.

However then the free love era started i(n the 60's) and her generation ushered it in. By the time I reached the age to date- men EXPECTED it. They expected premarital sex and most things leading to it.

I am not saying they were wrong to expect it but that the societal shift happened where it became expected potentially on a DATE. That was when things changed and men and ladies had to negotiate their dates and figure out how to deal with temptation and figure out exactly what they were willing to do on their dates. It happend where hippies were having sex and then the disco era arrived.

This was where woman went out with their diaphragm in their "disco purse"- or condoms in their disco purse and would meet someone while out dancing. I never did this but used to joke with a boyfriend about women who did this.

This shift in societal thinking and social "norms" made it much harder to date.

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