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How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it would wind down, but it's only getting worse...mine started right after I moved to MD from CA, started a federal career, bought my house, and realized I hated everything.

Further,

People tell me: you don't want to start a relationship when you don't have everything in life straight, or when you are going through something.
However: I feel like I want somebody to hold my hand through these times, and having someone by my side would help us grow together, and learn/live through each other. I can't just wait until the world is bright and beautiful, and I have all my ducks in a row to be with someone, because that's just not real life to me.

Thoughts?

01/03/2013 new
Hi, I think you are fairly on the ball. You can't wait to be in a relationship till ya have everything in order cos you will be waiting a life time. It is noble that you want to be in a relationship to grow in holiness and for your partner too. Just try your best to keep God number 1 and accept his will. I found an article by Sarah swafford on emotional chastity extremely helpful when I was discerning about starting a relationship after a broken engagement. Thank God I have dated a few guys since and even though it did not lead to marriage I truly believe because I did my best to keep God number 1, the relationships lead us both closer to God. I can also honestly say reflecting back at my mid 20's they felt chaotic but God's hand was there gently guiding me. enjoy the rest of your 20's, please God you will look back and smile.
01/03/2013 new

You aren't alone. I've been in CA for about 16 months and I frequently have mini-crises about where life is headed!

I've struggled with dating out here for two reasons. First, my work schedule is busy, unpredictable and non-traditional. I take a lot of call and work a lot of night and weekend hours. Two, I know that I will be seriously looking to return to the Midwest in the next few years, so getting involved with a man who wants to stay out here doesn't make a ton of sense.

However, I think you have the right idea, and it's the same mindset I'm in: things aren't perfect, but they never will be, so why wait? Yep, things get stressful...like just going through my 2nd set of holidays away from home! But I know I want a family of my own in the future, so I'll add the stress of dating into the mix! Maybe I'll meet the guy who makes me re-think my plans about leaving CA. Maybe I'll find a long distance relationship. Who knows...but at least I'm putting myself out there!

Good luck and here's to hoping 2013 brings you a lot of happiness!

01/03/2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it would wind down, but it's only getting worse...mine started right after I moved to MD from CA, started a federal career, bought my house, and realized I hated everything.

Further,

People tell me: you don't want to start a relationship when you don't have everything in life straight, or when you are going through something.
However: I feel like I want somebody to hold my hand through these times, and having someone by my side would help us grow together, and learn/live through each other. I can't just wait until the world is bright and beautiful, and I have all my ducks in a row to be with someone, because that's just not real life to me.

Thoughts?

--hide--


Mary,

Federal employment is hard, especially during these economic times. Last year, I lost my 14+ year active duty military career due to lack of a federal budget, to put it nicely. Took a pay cut and a move to find employment in another city last year... moving away from friends and my support group in a great community following divorce. It has been terribly challenging as I struggle to rebuild a life in a new place. Thankfully I do not own a home... though at nearly 40, it sure would be nice to be in a position to do so. Biding my time as I build this new career. Have chosen to wait to marry before buying a home... so won't be buying any time soon. :-)

I'd love someone to hold my hand through all this, too. These forums have been awesome. I am working on finding a good church home in my new area, with a young adults group that is active. I'll pray for you. Government employment has its benefits. Be thankful for your work, stay in touch with everyone here, and find a good church. I would think that where you are would have LOTS of social opportunities and good Catholic churches.

What you're going through is certainly not easy. I'm going through much the same thing. Know that you are prayed for.


Prayers,

Michael

01/03/2013 new

Thanks all. Yeah, I like to think I'm not crazy seeking a relationship while I'm not 100% stable- but when is life 100% stable for anyone? I don't know where I'll end up in life- I'm too young to know for sure where I'll settle, but that's the point of planning a future with somebody, right?

Thanks especially, Michael. I do have a good locale for meeting people, but somehow it's just not been happening....I go to social events galore, but never meet anyone. I take my Godson to Roman Catholic mass every weekend, but I also feel somewhat pigeonholed into it, because I am Byzantine Catholic, and though the closest Byz church is 2hrs away, I miss going to see my liturgy, and wish I had a special someone to share my faith with. My rock in building my life has been my family; my parents live just 10minutes away, and I see them every day- I cherish that a lot. But it also adds a sense of obligation to stay in the area, (I hate living in MD) because my dad is very sick with cancer and I can't bring myself to seek a life for myself away from him and my poor suffering mother. I also feel somewhat obliged with the situation with my Godson- he is only 3.5 and neither of his parents are Catholic, but want him to be a good Catholic, so I really feel a strong sense of duty in being here for him as he grows up....it's very frustrating...

01/04/2013 new

I think that because I stayed in school so long and went non stop K-3L (kindergarden through third year of law or 20 years) a quarter life crisis never really hit me. In fact, as almost any law student will tell you, law school is basically high school for grown ups. The scene is almost identical and the maturity level is right about that level as well (at least within the school environment)

For me, life is just beginning and God has a way of leading us all to our proper rolls in life and fulfilling His plan for us.

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it would wind down, but it's only getting worse...mine started right after I moved to MD from CA, started a federal career, bought my house, and realized I hated everything.

Further,

People tell me: you don't want to start a relationship when you don't have everything in life straight, or when you are going through something.
However: I feel like I want somebody to hold my hand through these times, and having someone by my side would help us grow together, and learn/live through each other. I can't just wait until the world is bright and beautiful, and I have all my ducks in a row to be with someone, because that's just not real life to me.

Thoughts?

--hide--



Praying hug rosary theheart Prayers, Hugs and blessings to you Dear Mary. Keep turning to God and One thing to remember is that He loves you just where you are at , And if He has someone in mind for you than they will Accept you with all of your shortcomings just the way you are right now. Life is never going to be perfect, except perhaps in Heaven.. In the meantime I would say make the best of what you have and count the small blessings. Your Godson sounds like a big now right there ... Keep mentoring to him and living for Christ...He who made you will not abandon you ..even though at times it feels like you are so alone. I have been there too and still struggle. You will be made stronger through all of this.

God is melting and molding you and you are as Clair 6292 would say OGMBC One of God's most Beautiful Creations...

Blessings dear Mary !
Kathleen

01/06/2013 new

I think we all have those moments where we stop and think "what was I thinking", "my life is falling apart", "I hate the direction this is going"
I know I have. I pray, listen, and then make what I feel is the best possible choice at that time. But if I waited to start a relationship until everything was 100% stable in my life, I would be single for the rest of my life. We never know when or where we will meet someone important in our life. We also never know when we will have a life changing major event.

02/05/2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

How many of you have gone, or are going through this? I have been for 3.5 years now, I thought it would wind down, but it's only getting worse...mine started right after I moved to MD from CA, started a federal career, bought my house, and realized I hated everything.

Further,

People tell me: you don't want to start a relationship when you don't have everything in life straight, or when you are going through something.
However: I feel like I want somebody to hold my hand through these times, and having someone by my side would help us grow together, and learn/live through each other. I can't just wait until the world is bright and beautiful, and I have all my ducks in a row to be with someone, because that's just not real life to me.

Thoughts?

--hide--


At least you have a stable federal career and a house! It is expensive to buy one nowadays. I'd say just get involved in service work and volunteer at your church. Use CM as a supplement or last resort.

02/05/2013 new

No one is ever 100% stable in life. Just like there's no such thing as "the right time" to have a baby. Makes me laugh when I hear people say that.

There could be anythign just around the corner. Say you get the perfect guy, marry in the greatest wedding ceremony EVAH , get that wonderful house in the nice subburb, and you get that nice little unborn baby. Then your husband loses his job because his boss was defrauding the company and its now bankrupt, or your house burns down and your insureance company does the dirty on you, or your unborn baby is diagnoised with some expensive medical condition?

I've always been single. Never had a bf. Am I anxious about it? Not really. If I die single, well, so be it. I won't be to happy if my relatives put me in some dodgey resthome if it comes to that. I don't own a house, but I have my own finanical and personal reasons for not jumping into that hole just yet.

If the right fella comes along tomorrow, great, life will continue as it always does. My intereaction with it will change, as will my direction, but it'll bring with it all sorts of challenges and probably a few crises.

There's never going to be a "right time" for these things. So stop worrying, grab what you want [in a Catholic moral way of course] and stop sweating what's really quite minute. 100 years from now, no one is going to care that you worried about wanting to marry before buying a house.

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