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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 2nd 2013 new

I'm sorry but I see this topic come up all the time and I really don't see what the big deal is. The way I look at it, not receiving a response is a response. It means that the person that you sent the message to is not interested. It's time to move on to the next one. Or maybe send one more message if you think the person's really special. Then move on. There's 7 billion people on this earth which means there's a pretty good chance that there's someone for everyone. And the more we develop the ability to brush off rejection the better equipped we will be to put ourselves out there in order find the right one. Imagine that you're at a cocktail party for singles. It would be like being on Catholic Match but it would be in person. You're there, you're single, and you see someone that catches your fancy. You know that the person sees you so you give him or her a big smile from across the room only to have that person ignore you. What would proper etiquette be here? Is that person obliged to come over and say sorry, I saw you smile at me and I'm interested in you? Or, I apologize but you're a brunette and I'm holding out for a blonde? No, of course not. And you'd most likely just go on about doing whatever it was that you were doing at the time and try not to worry about it which is what I believe should be done when we are ignored here. biggrin

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-145041 said: If I send out a message to someone, I don't assume that they owe me a reply back or that if ...
(Quote) Sheila-145041 said:

If I send out a message to someone, I don't assume that they owe me a reply back or that if they don't reply they're being rude.

There are many reasons why someone won't reply;


1. They may not be a paid member. I think in the past people who hadn't paid to be a member of the site couldn't send an emote--even a blank emote. Now they can. When I wasn't a paid member at different points, I assumed I couldn't send an emote back.


2. They don't want to mislead someone into thinking they have an interest in them. I did sometimes send out a smile emote after I realized that I could do so without being a paid member. Sometimes people would respond right away with a message that I then could not read. After a few responses like that, I thought it was best to not even send a blank emote, if I wasn't able to continue the conversation. Not everyone is up on the changes in the site. They might not know that non-paying members can send a smile or that they can't read messages sent to them. At one point, I think people were able to read messages, but not respond.

Also, as Victor mentioned in an earlier post, people can take even clear replies of non-interest to be an encouragement to "try harder". There are only so many times you can say "not interested" before realizing that you have to stop replying at all.


3. Some people are married and still have a profile here. For whatever reason there can be outdated profiles on the site. I know that a couple people occasionally came up on searches, or on the home page after they were married and no longer active on the site. Who knows why their profile wasn't removed? Maybe they chose to not have notifications sent to them about messages and forgot they hadn't removed their profile. Maybe the email that they linked their profile to is one they no longer use and they've forgotten to remove their profile.


4. Sometimes there are things happening in real life, and we can't respond. When my Mom died, I was a paying member here. She died suddenly, and my Dad needed lots of care. The last thing I was worried about was replying to messages on CM. Even when things got back to a routine, I didn't have the emotional energy to respond (at times).


I've been a paying member on and off for 6 or 7 years. When I've been a paying member, there have been many instances when real life "stuff" kept me from replying to messages... I was in the process of moving both my home and studio, and didn't have the time or energy to spend on CM. After moving it took FOREVER to get internet set up at my new place. Trips to the library to use the internet were used mainly for business correspondence. When I'm prepping for a big art show, and running on little sleep, I don't have the energy to be corresponding online.


5. They may have a lot of messages to reply to and find it hard to catch up with replies. Yes, it can happen. Off and on, I've had a profile on a free site. Women can get swamped with messages when they have a profile there--especially when they're new to the site. I've had pages of messages to answer, and every time I went on the site more people would message me (it shows up somewhere that you're "new" and "online"). As I would reply to 5 or 6 messages, 10 more would come in (often from people I had just sent replies to). I had pages and pages of unanswered email within a few weeks and it took a lot of time to answer them. I put "Any good Catholic guys out there?" in my tag line, and got MANY angry messages from anti-Catholics. Lots of people sending me rude emails about the abuse that has taken place in the Catholic church. I especially tried to respond to those emails with polite messages back, but it took a LOT of time, and I didn't reply to every message.


6. Sometimes the messages don't warrant a response. Do I really need to reply to "Hey, you're cute/sexy. Wanna hook up?" ? This sort of message was more prevalent on the free site, but there have been versions of it on CM as well.


***


To sum up, we really don't know for sure if people have even received an email. If they have, they don't "owe" us anything. If they don't reply, it's not necessarily rude. You have to have a bit of a thick skin to be on online dating sites. The best experience is when you don't take yourself too seriously or make the assumption that every person's inattentiveness is a reflection of your worthiness or theirs.

--hide--


Thanks for the intricate response, I appreciate it. I was an unpaid member 7 years ago, and if I recall, I could send a blank smiley face then, I don't know what the current restrictions are, since I've been a paid member for something like 2.5 years now. And one of the first things I check for is when they were last active on the site- I'm not going to bother sending something to someone who hasn't been active in 3+ weeks or so. And although I do get the emotional drainage being a hindrance (I have had a deathly emotional year myself), I think, even after many months, it's still polite to reply...

Most of my experience I'm talking about is: I message or send an emote to a guy, he views my profile once or twice, and doesn't send a single thing back. I only message active profiles (where it says "active in: forums, chat, polls, etc") so I'd think, since I see them looking at my profile, and are online, that they could at least send a smile back. If it goes on a while, and both are interested and one's not a paid member, there are ways to find each other on the internet. I think I agree with the earlier post though, that it feels like applying for a job, or having an interview, and never hearing back....but I'm a really open person, I'm willing to meet just about anybody and send out a lot of emotigrams; half the people who have come to my door selling something have ended up staying for tea, for dinner, invited in to a party, sat out back and talked over coffee- and a few times became good friends! Not to say I don't have precautions ;) (I usually have one particularone in my purse for example, hah) I'm just a very open person, and maybe I expect too much openness from others, hmm....

I have been told though, that men and women think very differently about this topic. I have a male friend who wrote me love letters and such at a time, and I was going to write back of course and say "Thank you, but no, I enjoy being your friend :)" and EVERY male I knew told me "Either write back: 'No. Leave me alone.' Or just ignore him entirely." ! Because to a man any type of friendly reply is encouraging (?) I'm not sure about that, maybe a different topic.

Jan 2nd 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: I'm 100% American steel and sex appeal!
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


I'm 100% American steel and sex appeal!

--hide--


And about 20 years too young.. rolling eyes

Jan 2nd 2013 new
I agree with you!
Jan 2nd 2013 new
Nope. It takes time. You'll find someone!

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I like a lot of the guys I see on here, in my age range and locale, but if I send an emotigram, or a message, an...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I like a lot of the guys I see on here, in my age range and locale, but if I send an emotigram, or a message, and you can't even send a smile back, and just ignore me, it's the biggest turn off, and just rude, in my opinion. I get that you might not have a lot of time, so maybe in a few days? A few weeks? I will notice even if a few months go by. I might not reply to messages right away myself, but I always do eventually. Even if you don't have a paid membership, you can ALWAYS send a smile...you never know what kind of a difference it could make to someone who's feeling particularly down that day.

More than taking it personally, I see it as a character flaw I don't want in a person after all. Or am I being weird in this?

--hide--
Jan 2nd 2013 new

Just come by and say Hi. Just trust me! God only created "ONE" of you. You are an unique person. Don't worry too much about the response. biggrinThere will be a person created by God just for You. theheart

Jan 3rd 2013 new

After reading these posts, I just had to add, that one of my biggest pet peve is when some deliberatly ignores me. With that said, I do reallize that sometimes people forget they have these online accounts or whatever, but it does become dishartening when you send out thoughtful messages and get absolutely nothing back from multiple people. It isn't just this site either, I know that.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

You don't know about the CM Inverse Response Relationship? The inverse relationship between the more you seemingly have in common with the chance they're actually going to respond? Similar in age, interests, outlook, relative attractiveness, locale being the lowest chance of getting a response to people living thousands of miles away or even on a different planet giving you the highest chance for a response? wink

Jan 3rd 2013 new

rolling eyes I just think that even if I am "not interested" at the moment, it is still polite just to at least send back a hello or something.


For me to sned any communication to a guy, it is a big deal. In person, I would never ever call a guy first (that is just me, sorry, it is what it is and I am not changing). So, sending anything and not getting ay sort of response? Well, that is why I don't contact guys first.

Jan 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: I just think that even if I am "not interested" at the moment, it is still polite just ...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

I just think that even if I am "not interested" at the moment, it is still polite just to at least send back a hello or something.


For me to sned any communication to a guy, it is a big deal. In person, I would never ever call a guy first (that is just me, sorry, it is what it is and I am not changing). So, sending anything and not getting ay sort of response? Well, that is why I don't contact guys first.

--hide--


That is a very good point! A lot of us girls might be more "traditional" and like the guy to communicate first, so when we do reach out, it might mean a bit more than flippantly smiling at passeryby in reality. I am not one to call a guy first either, I have never asked a man out on a date, it's just not happening. So, although it would be polite, as always, for women to also return a message or emotigram at their convenience, perhaps it holds more weight when a fellow replies or doesnt reply to one form a lady?

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