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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--


I'd simply state "house rules." It worked for my mom and many other aunts and uncles and it doesn't point a moral finger.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--

First: No


Second: Nothing wrong with the moral finger, just check the birth rates to single women.


Third: Talking to a son. The bedroom is our most personal place on the planet and is part of the bigger personal structure called home. Sleeping is the most vulnerable time for anyone relaxing the mind and body. Part of caring for his girlfriend is a natural mutual physical attraction and spending the night together is placing both in a very tempting situation. Why is he wanting to toy with his own desires by putting himself in a situation to tell himself no, no, no. Their desire too to spend the night together naturally conflicts with an honest intent of "nothing will happen" (the mind and body at its most relaxed state, makes NO MORE difficult).


If all that fails a good Catholic guilt trip, women carry the consequences of whoops more heavily than men whether it is social, medical, or emotional. Does he care enough about her to stay outside personal space and time? Many a modern day man has been introduced to an adult son he never knew even existed.. I hope this helps.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in th...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--
Like Kathy said. He/She who pays the bills makes the rules, period.

Jan 4th 2013 new
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: … that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

… that you do not allow him and his girlfriend to spend the night together, neither in the girl’s parents’ home nor our own. They promised each other to keep for one another, but they like to stay together over night … “nothing will happen, mom…” they say. Next month they are together one year.

So my question is: how do you explain that in a way without lifting the moral finger and that they understand it well.

I really will appreciate your view on that. Thanks and a blessed year 2013 for you!

--hide--
Well, of course, it's nothing I'd encourage. However, perhaps it depends on the situation? My older son attended boarding school and it was girls' parents who allowed the teens to get together for camp outs. I'll always be grateful to these parents for being such good hosts. Sometimes to distance demands the extended visit, but perhaps that is not your situation?
Jan 4th 2013 new

I have this similar problem lately... It's a distance thing for my 17-year-old daughter, but I lay the rules down firmly and have had to have a one-on-one talk with the 19 year old so he was aware of my feelings. They were in her room watching TV shocked I don't think he likes me too much! She is just too young to get serious and wants to be a Vet, so I pray that her schooling will be more important than dating too seriously today and hope she finds a guy on the line of more her dreams, religion, etc., if ya know what I mean.

But what do you do? Be the parent is all I can say!! Lay down the rules from the start or end it! His parents unfortunately encourage the relationship where I discourage it. My fear is that my daughter may lose heart with my feelings, but I feel it is for the best! Praying rosary theheart

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I'd simply state "house rules." It worked for my mom and many other aunts ...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I'd simply state "house rules." It worked for my mom and many other aunts and uncles and it doesn't point a moral finger.

--hide--

Kathy, I am putting the house rules, BUT I think it is important not to just say “NO”, but to have the Kids understand the WHY.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Joyce-844872 said: First: No Second: Nothing wrong with the moral finger, just check the birth r...
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said:

First: No


Second: Nothing wrong with the moral finger, just check the birth rates to single women.


Third: Talking to a son. The bedroom is our most personal place on the planet and is part of the bigger personal structure called home. Sleeping is the most vulnerable time for anyone relaxing the mind and body. Part of caring for his girlfriend is a natural mutual physical attraction and spending the night together is placing both in a very tempting situation. Why is he wanting to toy with his own desires by putting himself in a situation to tell himself no, no, no. Their desire too to spend the night together naturally conflicts with an honest intent of "nothing will happen" (the mind and body at its most relaxed state, makes NO MORE difficult).


If all that fails a good Catholic guilt trip, women carry the consequences of whoops more heavily than men whether it is social, medical, or emotional. Does he care enough about her to stay outside personal space and time? Many a modern day man has been introduced to an adult son he never knew even existed.. I hope this helps.

--hide--

My son is not a rebel but in general very understanding. He always liked the catholic church etc ..., but since half year he rejects everything what has to do with Church, holy mass and so on. The girl is also from a good catholic parents house and very nice

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: Like Kathy said. He/She who pays the bills makes the rules, period.
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

Like Kathy said. He/She who pays the bills makes the rules, period.

--hide--

Peter, I do makes the rules at home and as I mentioned before: I don’t think just making rules makes the children understand. I can do that when they are small, but when they are just adults or to-be-adults I think they need to understand the value of the other person and the “why it is better not to do so”.

My son had a girlfriend before this one (lasted only 6 weeks). The parents encouraged the “overnight stay” and I was the one saying” no way”. They said: if they want to do something the can do it also at other times and places … also I didn't approve the relationship.

Jan 4th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: Kathy, I am putting the house rules, BUT I think it is important not t...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

Kathy, I am putting the house rules, BUT I think it is important not to just say “NO”, but to have the Kids understand the WHY.

--hide--



Sorry, I understood you to say he does understand the why and I perceived that he is splitting hairs because "nothing will happen." In that case, I would explain it simply as to "avoid the near occasion of sin." It's what we do on our promise as Catholics. God made the opposite sex attractive for a reason. No point calling upon temptation and certainly when it is your home and against your values. Some day he will need to make those choices on his own. But for now, it's because mom says.

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