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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

01/04/2013 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: I have those movers and I can't tell you how many women in my neighborhood have asked to borrow the...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: I have those movers and I can't tell you how many women in my neighborhood have asked to borrow them. I had an incident where I asked my friend's husband to help me put some furniture together and then wanted a kiss for payment. Sometimes I feel that some men think you are deprived because you are divorced. I try not to put myself in that position again.
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And that is exactly why women should be able to do things themselves -- you don't know how many times I've have the same things happen -- just because I'm 'alone' and doing a 'less than womanly' chore does not mean I'm willing to let you steal kisses or enjoy a romp in the hay with me if I ask for help or accept your offer of help!

01/04/2013 new

Good points on the opposite spectrum, Rachel! Women are very giving and just as love is given, love also has to be received otherwise it is a one-way street. Women become enablers to self-centered men. I was married to a man who was an only child and he didn't stop to think who he was marrying but rather how he could program and manipulate me into what he wanted me to be which was in essence a slave to him. I was, however, not allowed to do the "guy" jobs and in reality they are actually the "fun" jobs ... mowing ... wow, that's exercise! So when I was out on my own I felt like I had to prove to myself that I was capable.

As a single mom of 4 children for the past 10 years, I have been thrown into having to do my work as a mother, as well as work full-time and part-time, and to do the work of the husband/father since he moved far away. I was thrown into survival mode -- that doesn't mean that's what I want but what I HAVE to do. I don't have the money to pay someone and in working on my home, which included changing out light fixtures, refinishing hardwood floors, ripping up floors so my brother-in-law could lay ceramic tile, helping to finish off a basement (I did have help) but had to do all the spackling, sanding, and painting, not to mention replace the belt on my dryer. I have 5 brothers some in the construction field but try to get one to help is tough!

I have never had men think my capabilities were negative traits whatsoever. I would hope they see it as a woman being capable and not needy; strong and not weak; making choices and not settling. I think some of the men who are "rescuers" seek out needy women but also SOMETIMES those men are the controlling/manipulating ones.

Everyone on here has good insight and I'm enjoying reading them!

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Steve-650539 said: A few years ago, I read the "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" books. <...
(Quote) Steve-650539 said:

A few years ago, I read the "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" books.

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Steve,


Good point about the Love Languages. I'm a big fan of those- very helpful. I've not heard of those other books though.

01/05/2013 new

Hi Laura,

So when it comes to showing me I am needed it has a lot less to do with me doing all the guy chores and her doing all the lady chores. I'd like to be the main breadwinner (though I don't have to be if thats what God wants) and she'll probably stay home while raisng the kids (though not a given.) Running the house and paying the bills is not something intrinsic to a marriage; two room mates could do it too. Instead it's an emotional thing caught up in the act of courtship that doesn't stop at a couple's wedding. When I do the heavy lifting she'll tell me I'm such a stud and that she'd never be able to do it (even though we both know she could.) Smile at me when I open the door for her or get her chair. Take my arm when walking and let me guide her through the parking lot. And make sure to tell all her friends what an awesome guy I am. wink

The truth is whoever I marry I going to be able to take care of herself. What makes me feel needed is she'll want me take the lead instead. That just about always happens on a date, but it can happen in the humdrum ordinary life too, the marriage making mundane tasks sacred. How would we figure that out? I'm not sure, but to me figuring that out is the central task of the vocation.

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Susan-744709 said: I have never had men think my capabilities were negative traits whatsoever. I would hope they see...
(Quote) Susan-744709 said:

I have never had men think my capabilities were negative traits whatsoever. I would hope they see it as a woman being capable and not needy; strong and not weak; making choices and not settling.

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Yup.. All good points!

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Matt-61677 said: Hi Laura, So when it comes to showing me I am needed it has a lot less to do with me doing a...
(Quote) Matt-61677 said:

Hi Laura,

So when it comes to showing me I am needed it has a lot less to do with me doing all the guy chores and her doing all the lady chores. I'd like to be the main breadwinner (though I don't have to be if thats what God wants) and she'll probably stay home while raisng the kids (though not a given.) Running the house and paying the bills is not something intrinsic to a marriage; two room mates could do it too. Instead it's an emotional thing caught up in the act of courtship that doesn't stop at a couple's wedding. When I do the heavy lifting she'll tell me I'm such a stud and that she'd never be able to do it (even though we both know she could.) Smile at me when I open the door for her or get her chair. Take my arm when walking and let me guide her through the parking lot. And make sure to tell all her friends what an awesome guy I am.

The truth is whoever I marry I going to be able to take care of herself. What makes me feel needed is she'll want me take the lead instead. That just about always happens on a date, but it can happen in the humdrum ordinary life too, the marriage making mundane tasks sacred. How would we figure that out? I'm not sure, but to me figuring that out is the central task of the vocation.

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thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup

01/05/2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I totally agree that it is better to be wanted because you're wanted than to be wanted becaus...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:

I totally agree that it is better to be wanted because you're wanted than to be wanted because you're needed.

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"Wants" are nice and all, but they also can be fleeting and superficial. The best things I've gotten in life are not the things that I've wanted, but rather those things God gave to me because I needed them. And guess what? I ended up wanting to keep the needs God gave me because I discovered the great value God gives them, which supersedes the paltry value I place in my wants. I don't want someone who can help me to become a better person, but rather I need someone because it's difficult to do it on my own.

01/06/2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I think it's cute. It's like playing dress-up for chores! It actually makes the work a bi...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:

I think it's cute. It's like playing dress-up for chores! It actually makes the work a bit more fun. And gosh darnit, it sure is handy having lots of pockets and loops! But for simpler jobs I am probably just wearing the pearl earrings and not the tool belt.

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Good answer! :-)

01/07/2013 new
A woman shows a man that he is needed by wanting to spend time with him. biggrin

As far as your other questions, my thinking is the more good, productive things a person knows how to do, the better! biggrin
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