Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match!

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?


Not picking on guys, because women do it, too. For the sake of what I am saying, I will use the masculine pronoun.


There are a couple of sides to the marital coin: the sexual relationship and the emotional relationship...Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy.

We all know it is wrong to put the sexual intimacy before the marriage. But, the less common error is to put the emotional intimacy before the marriage. It's rare, because most guys tend towards the error of having sexual intimacy before marriage. But, there are those select few who develop a deep, emotionally intimate relationship with a woman with no sexual intimacy.


scratchchin I have had guy friends. What I am talking about goes a little bit beyond that, because these guys are far more in tune with women than most guys.

They are capable of developing far deeper emotional bonds. They'll make fantastic husbands one day...if they ever get there. But, sorry , because they are fine with fulfilling their emotional needs with a woman they don't have to have any committment to. After all - hey, they're "just friends". irked It's really not much different from a guy who is fulfilling his sexual needs with a woman he has no committment to. Same coin, 2 different sides, equally inappropriate, one is just more socially acceptable than the other, and more easily justified in the guy's (or girl's) mind.


Funny how these types of relationships end when the woman gets married (or the man gets married). I wouldn't want my husband having sex with another woman. Nor would I want my husband having an emotional relationship with another woman. And, just like I wouldn't date a guy who is having premarital sexual relations with another woman, so, too, I would not date a guy who is having "premarital emotional relations" with another woman. Two sides of the same coin....the coin that belongs in a dating type relationship, not in a "friendship".


Thoughts? Has anyone else known or been in a situation like that? wave






Jan 6th 2013 new

People used to just date..Now they spend so much time and energy over analyzing every aspect of dating before the first communication it's no wonder they don't have the time or energy to actually get out there and meet..

Jan 6th 2013 new
(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?Not picking on gu...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?


Not picking on guys, because women do it, too. For the sake of what I am saying, I will use the masculine pronoun.


There are a couple of sides to the marital coin: the sexual relationship and the emotional relationship...Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy.

We all know it is wrong to put the sexual intimacy before the marriage. But, the less common error is to put the emotional intimacy before the marriage. It's rare, because most guys tend towards the error of having sexual intimacy before marriage. But, there are those select few who develop a deep, emotionally intimate relationship with a woman with no sexual intimacy.


I have had guy friends. What I am talking about goes a little bit beyond that, because these guys are far more in tune with women than most guys.

They are capable of developing far deeper emotional bonds. They'll make fantastic husbands one day...if they ever get there. But, , because they are fine with fulfilling their emotional needs with a woman they don't have to have any committment to. After all - hey, they're "just friends". It's really not much different from a guy who is fulfilling his sexual needs with a woman he has no committment to. Same coin, 2 different sides, equally inappropriate, one is just more socially acceptable than the other, and more easily justified in the guy's (or girl's) mind.


Funny how these types of relationships end when the woman gets married (or the man gets married). I wouldn't want my husband having sex with another woman. Nor would I want my husband having an emotional relationship with another woman. And, just like I wouldn't date a guy who is having premarital sexual relations with another woman, so, too, I would not date a guy who is having "premarital emotional relations" with another woman. Two sides of the same coin....the coin that belongs in a dating type relationship, not in a "friendship".


Thoughts? Has anyone else known or been in a situation like that?






--hide--


I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would lead to marriage. But it went nowhere. I think I'm ambivalent about a repeat. I don't like the idea of being a male girlfriend.
Jan 6th 2013 new

I agree with Miss Donna. I got all mired down with the philisophical ramifications and possibilities of your post. I tend to see things a little more black and white. When the Lord moves me in a direction, I pray that it all works out if I continue to follow His path. In a relationship, if there is no emotional connection, there cannot be a physical connection. Or maybe it's just the wrong dude.

Jan 6th 2013 new

I have a very good friend named Albert who lives in Florida. We talk a lot, especially when one or the other has issues with life. He IS like my girlfriend hug and he IS NOT gay. We used to joke that if neither of us was married by the time we both were 50, we would get married. Well we were both 50 and that has not happened. I think he would drive me crazy if we were ever a couple.

When we have been in relationships with other people, our relationship seems to take a hiatus or takes on a low key mode. We both understand that our girl/boy friends in life would come first. At 2 separate times, we stopped talking when each of us, had girl/boy friends uncomfortable with our friendship. But after a careful consideration, we realized it was our then girl/boy friends, who had the insecurities and other past issues. It was not either of our responsibilities to "fix" our separate girl/boy friends issues. It was up to them to handle or face it, with our support, of course.

I don't think either of us will ever give up our friendship as we did those 2 times. Our friendship has spanned a decade. It will take a low key status to my boyfriend/husband, when I have one, or when I marry. But we realized we are too different and we have absolutely NO romantic feelings about each other at all.


I don't know if think that qualifies as pre-marital emotional intimacy though..... scratchchin

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would ...
(Quote) John-220051 said:

I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would lead to marriage. But it went nowhere. I think I'm ambivalent about a repeat. I don't like the idea of being a male girlfriend.
--hide--



And I'm not liking the idea of HAVING a male girlfriend. wink

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said: I have a very good friend named Albert who lives in Florida. We talk a lot, especially when one...
(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said:

I have a very good friend named Albert who lives in Florida. We talk a lot, especially when one or the other has issues with life. He IS like my girlfriend and he IS NOT gay. We used to joke that if neither of us was married by the time we both were 50, we would get married. Well we were both 50 and that has not happened. I think he would drive me crazy if we were ever a couple.

When we have been in relationships with other people, our relationship seems to take a hiatus or takes on a low key mode. We both understand that our girl/boy friends in life would come first. At 2 separate times, we stopped talking when each of us, had girl/boy friends uncomfortable with our friendship. But after a careful consideration, we realized it was our then girl/boy friends, who had the insecurities and other past issues. It was not either of our responsibilities to "fix" our separate girl/boy friends issues. It was up to them to handle or face it, with our support, of course.

I don't think either of us will ever give up our friendship as we did those 2 times. Our friendship has spanned a decade. It will take a low key status to my boyfriend/husband, when I have one, or when I marry. But we realized we are too different and we have absolutely NO romantic feelings about each other at all.


I don't know if think that qualifies as pre-marital emotional intimacy though.....

--hide--



You know, I can see how that might work....My problem with that sort of situation is that it feels like disrespecting myself. I don't like the idea that the guy friend and I won't talk as much when some other girl comes into the picture. It's like I feel like I am fine for now, but when someone better comes along, I get the shrug off for a while....Til he tires of her, then he's calling me again???? Yeah, I don't think so.

Now, as for a boyfrined being insecure about my having a super close male friend...well, I don't ever want to care about someone and give that person a reason to feel insecure. If I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with a male friend, it seems to me that any boyfriend or husband would actually have a reason to feel insecure.


As for over analyzing...well, just wait til it happens to you, if it ever does. It's not over analyzing at all. It's putting your foot down somewhere other than the pile of horse pucky.

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would ...
(Quote) John-220051 said:

I tried emotional intimacy with my now former friend Allison for several years thinking it would lead to marriage. But it went nowhere. I think I'm ambivalent about a repeat. I don't like the idea of being a male girlfriend.
--hide--



And, I never really got into the situation thinking it would lead anywhere....Never really got into it at all on purpose. It just happened. I kind of wandered into this pasture...I get lost easily. rolling eyes And I am just now realizing I got lost. eyebrow

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?Not...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Is there really a difference, or, aren't they just two sides to the same coin?


Not picking on guys, because women do it, too. For the sake of what I am saying, I will use the masculine pronoun.


There are a couple of sides to the marital coin: the sexual relationship and the emotional relationship...Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy.

We all know it is wrong to put the sexual intimacy before the marriage. But, the less common error is to put the emotional intimacy before the marriage. It's rare, because most guys tend towards the error of having sexual intimacy before marriage. But, there are those select few who develop a deep, emotionally intimate relationship with a woman with no sexual intimacy.


I have had guy friends. What I am talking about goes a little bit beyond that, because these guys are far more in tune with women than most guys.

They are capable of developing far deeper emotional bonds. They'll make fantastic husbands one day...if they ever get there. But, , because they are fine with fulfilling their emotional needs with a woman they don't have to have any committment to. After all - hey, they're "just friends". It's really not much different from a guy who is fulfilling his sexual needs with a woman he has no committment to. Same coin, 2 different sides, equally inappropriate, one is just more socially acceptable than the other, and more easily justified in the guy's (or girl's) mind.


Funny how these types of relationships end when the woman gets married (or the man gets married). I wouldn't want my husband having sex with another woman. Nor would I want my husband having an emotional relationship with another woman. And, just like I wouldn't date a guy who is having premarital sexual relations with another woman, so, too, I would not date a guy who is having "premarital emotional relations" with another woman. Two sides of the same coin....the coin that belongs in a dating type relationship, not in a "friendship".


Thoughts? Has anyone else known or been in a situation like that?






--hide--


I think it is probably a little dangerous, but not necessarily wrong, per se. I have had guy friends develop this emotional itimacy with me, and I had no idea they were doing so, I thought we were just really good friends, and then they tend to get physical which made me uncomfortable.


On the flip side, I became very emotionally intimate with my ex, and still am, we still talk ad do things together because we are good friends. He never had marriage in mind though, and was never physically attracted, so whereas he has the emotional intimacy as well, he only considers me a really good friend. I heard the term "flirtationship" recently and I think that's what it is- more than friendship, but not headed toward a relationship/marriage.


So, whereas they can be two sides of the same coin, I think they should be considered separatly as well. I have had physical intimacy with guys (not sex though!) and attraction between us, but no emotional intimacy- just as you can have emotional intimacy and no attraction...

Jan 6th 2013 new

Yeah I guess if you don't respect yourself, that could be bad. But we have been friends for so long, and definitely don'treally think I could disrespect myself for having a friend (male or female). The 2 people we had in our lives at those 2 separate times, both gave us ultimatums, cut off all contact with all your opposite friends or else. Both those people had terrible insecurities. I really think it is what a person is comfortable with in their relationship with their mate. Everyone is different.

Posts 1 - 10 of 69