Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Where do I fit in now?

Jan 5th 2013 new

So I was thinking about this the other day. Where in the world do I fit in anymore? Being a younger widow presents a whole new range of issues-one of which is feeling like I am an outsider to a lot of groups now. I guess I just have a hard time relating to a lot of people my own age. I have gone to a few grief support meetings and most of the people are decades older. I have a few divorced friends and our issues are completely different. I feel like the third wheel a lot of times but I force myself to just do things with married couples.


Even here-lol I am 44. Do I post on the over 45 or under 45 forums? Most of the single people my age are divorced and not widowed. Sometimes I just feel like I have very little in common with others the same age.


Anyone else feel like this?

Jan 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: So I was thinking about this the other day. Where in the world do I fit in anymore? Being a you...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

So I was thinking about this the other day. Where in the world do I fit in anymore? Being a younger widow presents a whole new range of issues-one of which is feeling like I am an outsider to a lot of groups now. I guess I just have a hard time relating to a lot of people my own age. I have gone to a few grief support meetings and most of the people are decades older. I have a few divorced friends and our issues are completely different. I feel like the third wheel a lot of times but I force myself to just do things with married couples.


Even here-lol I am 44. Do I post on the over 45 or under 45 forums? Most of the single people my age are divorced and not widowed. Sometimes I just feel like I have very little in common with others the same age.


Anyone else feel like this?

--hide--

I understand your dilemna, I feel it myself. I was widowed at 45 and it just felt wrong somehow. I hated the pitying looks people would give me when I disclosed my status. I agree with you that being widowed is very different than being divorced. I think some of the emotions may cross over, but at the heart of it we've lost someone we shared our lives with in a very irrevocable way.

I only just started this online dating thing so I don't really have any true words of wisdom other than to rely on God for guidance and only do what feels comfortable to you - post where you want to post. This is only my second post, so just assume I'm general clueless (LOL). I've lurked some, reading the forums and I find this group to be more uplifting. Some of the other forums - Single Living and even the Over 45's to be less uplifting and a little negative at times.

Good luck and may God bless you with wisdom and guidance! Praying

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Theresa-637436 said: So I was thinking about this the other day. Where in the world do I fit in anymore? Being a you...
(Quote) Theresa-637436 said:

So I was thinking about this the other day. Where in the world do I fit in anymore? Being a younger widow presents a whole new range of issues-one of which is feeling like I am an outsider to a lot of groups now. I guess I just have a hard time relating to a lot of people my own age. I have gone to a few grief support meetings and most of the people are decades older. I have a few divorced friends and our issues are completely different. I feel like the third wheel a lot of times but I force myself to just do things with married couples.


Even here-lol I am 44. Do I post on the over 45 or under 45 forums? Most of the single people my age are divorced and not widowed. Sometimes I just feel like I have very little in common with others the same age.


Anyone else feel like this?

--hide--


I know exactly what you mean, though you were younger than I (I was 53) when you became a widow. My perspectives on remarriage seem to be different than some of those folks who were divorced. I have been reading and posting in the 45+ room on 5 things to consider in late life marriage. It is amazing to me. A lot of discussion is about prenutials in anticipation of divorce. I never even considered that. My understanding of marriage is so different than what I read in that thread. I really don't know the answer to the delimma of where we find ourselves as widows. I often get the feeling that some of the folks who have been my friends for years wish I would just hurry up and remarry. It's almost like I stick out in a crowd. Yuk, I hate that. I think we have little in common with anyone who has not lost a spouse to death.


Tonight I went to a Tech basketball game. It helps that I like sports. I feel a bit strange going alone, but going alone and enjoying the game is so much better than staying home alone. I am sure God has a purpose in all of this, I just don't know what it is. My husband used to tell me when I was in a difficult position that I did not understand that faith was all I needed because God was taking care of the rest. So here I am...just standing because I have no idea what else to do. Maybe that's what this is all about...giving me the time to just seek God's will.


- Elizabeth

Jan 6th 2013 new
Who won the game?
Jan 6th 2013 new

wave Hi Theresa! I think I may have responded to you in a different thread recently, but none-the-less, you are not alone in feeling "adrift" or somehow not in the "right" place....Like you, I was widowed young--I was 46--and I didn't start my family until I was 35, so I had two elementary age kids to raise. I, too, attended Grief Groups, and found that I was always the youngest, and no one had small children at home....

I have had a great group of friends, both women, and couple friends, who have helped me share the last almost 14 years alone. Yep, I STILL feel like the 3rd wheel. In fact, at New Year's Eve dinner (the same 6 couples for the past 17 years!), we took the "traditional" pre-dinner photos of the entire group, then all the couples separately, and finally, the "Bev" photo---mine is always with ALL the guys around me---until I have a new fellah of my own to bring to dinner! Funny, yes---but sometimes very poignant, and once or twice--a tear jerker.... (sigh)

I LOVE the men and women on CM, and most especially in this room. hug hug I find comraderie, encouragement, comfort, humor, and that sense of belonging, even if it is in a group that I really wish I didn't qualify to belong....Like Elizabeth offered, please feel free to message me any time. We all have so much to share with one another along the journey, and your strengths may just fill in one of our weak areas. rose

Jan 6th 2013 new

wave Welcome, RuthAnn! I haven't heard that name in years--one of my sister's best friends had that name, and I thought she was sooo beautiful! I was just 7 and she was 17--and she always had everything in the "right place" and wore the most wonderful clothes and shoes. I loved when she slept over at our house on Friday nights after the high school games, and she and my sister would dress me up and put lipstick on me. Her mom was an Avon Lady, and she always had those little white minature lipstick samples! laughing

You are wise to "lurk" in the Fora--I did that for about 2 months before I began posting. I have enjoyed communicating with both men and women here, and have learned much about my Catholic faith, my own strengths and shortcomings, and have found my blessings magnified. I look forward to reading your posts in the future! rose

Jan 6th 2013 new

Welcome to the Forum, Margaret! I don't know who won the game, but I'm sure that Elizabeth will get back to you soon. Glad you found your way to this room! Post often and visit with all of us. rose

Jan 6th 2013 new

Thanks everyone. Guess I will just be hanging out and posting over here for awhile so you all will have to put up with me for the time being smile

Looked at the over 45 forum and just seemed a little negative and I really need to focus on being positive each and every day. It is not easy, but I really make it a point to think about all my blessings each morning and to thank God before I go to bed.


It just helps to know others in the same situation. It is so weird-my Dad died when my Mom was 49 and I just did not understand her at the time-I was only 21. Now I kind of get where she was coming from and how she probably felt left out.


Looking forward to getting to know everyone here. A really nice group.

Jan 6th 2013 new
Theresa I can understand so much of what you are going through. I was widowed three and a half years ago at age 40 and have two young children. My married friends are all wonderful, but there is definitely a sense now of not fitting in as well. It's also strange in the beginning of each school year when my children meet new friends, or maybe start up on a new sports team. I meet the parents and I know after a while they must be wondering where my children's father is...but they never ask, and it's not always something that can be easily slipped into casual conversation. Once when my son was in first grade, one of his friends was over and found out from my son that his father had died. And he blurted out, "So THAT'S why we never see him!" Kids are so unfiltered.

Sigh.

I've also found myself laughing about the over 45/under 45 thing. Feels like we belong on the 'Isle of Misfit Toys' like the old Christmas special!

Hang in there!
Jan 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Margaret-867735 said: Who won the game?
(Quote) Margaret-867735 said: Who won the game?
--hide--


TTU girls won their game. The guys game was so bad I left before half time. Loved the women's game, though. I've been watching them on and off for over twenty years. The girls won the OVC championship a bunch of those years.


- Elizabeth

Posts 1 - 10 of 23