Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Justin-32820 said: Normally, after about a year of spending a lot of time with a person there is a moment where I fe...
(Quote) Justin-32820 said:

Normally, after about a year of spending a lot of time with a person there is a moment where I feel like I really "know" that person. It normally happens when they do or say something that i don't expect and then a clearer picture of that person comes into focus and I have a "I really know this person" moment. However, it's important to note that this is only a moment of knowing someone because people change and grow all the time so your "knowing" someone needs to be updated all the time. I think this is what happens in a lot of marriages, people "know" the other when they marry, but then don't update their image of the person and over the years, until one day they wake up and realize they are married to a different person. In fact, I think this happens a lot in life not just in marriages

--hide--
Hi Justin,

Thanks for your original insights into the process of getting to know other people as that process seem to have unfolded in your life. It's interesting how you mention a particular "moment" in addition to a long period of time. If you have any specific examples, it would be interesting to hear about some of them.

Does that unexpected and revelatory action at a particular point in time have to be an act of communication or can it be an action that has nothing to do with communication such as reaching for a door knob?

Regarding your remarks about people's changing, I think that the same person can grow and still be the same individual, but, in the case of a marriage, the other partner has to grow enough to appreciate that new growth. If this happens, the "new" person will be seen as the same individual in a more complete (and more enjoyable) state of development.

John

Jan 9th 2013 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeym...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

After a divorce, after the break up of a serious relationship, and sometimes even after the honeymoon, one of the parties comes to the conclusion that, "I didn't really know him or her". This seems to imply that there is another thing that the same person could say, namely, "My judgment was very poor about my own ability was to know whether I did or did not really know another person."

How reliable is your judgment about whether you have or have not come to know another person well? Do doubts in this area affect you much?

How good are you at judging whether you really know someone else well? Has this ability improved a lot over time?

Note that the question is not about your ability to get to know others. It is about how accurate your judgment is when you say to yourself (or perhaps only feel unconsciously), "I have really come to know this person very well."

Nudging those prone to fiction not to fudge about judging,

John

--hide--


I consider myself a good judge of character. I think there's been two times when my first impression wasn't correct... and that's in my entire life.

Jan 10th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said: Gut feelings just might be your guardian angel setting off a warning flag in your h...
(Quote) Bernadette-874299 said:

Gut feelings just might be your guardian angel setting off a warning flag in your head about a person. Even if they come off as sweet and endearing, and you start to think you know all about them, remember that initial feeling, because you got it for a reason. I didn't listen to it once, because I didn't understand what it meant, and for that reason, I got my heart broken. Listen to that feeling ladies and gents.

--hide--
Hi Bernadette,

Thanks for your contribution. You join a number of people who have emphasized the importance of letting the gut butt in to the process of reading people. Since the gut and the belly live so close together, a good mnemonic might be not to forget to include this "belly butt in" aspect as you evaluate folks rather than relying solely on conscious, rational processes. Who would've guessed that the belly-butt-in had a role in romantic discernment?

Wondering whether the navel reserve has training in belly-butt-ins, scratchchin

John

Jan 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: John, Another brain teaser! At the end of a relationship, I tend to ask myself if I real...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

John,

Another brain teaser! At the end of a relationship, I tend to ask myself if I really knew that person. Was I good at communicating? Did I answer my questions with what I wanted to hear instead of what was actually occuring? Did I see that person or what I wanted that person
to be? Should I have asked different questions or judged the outcome of situations more realistically? YES! I think when you are with someone
on a full time basis, you tend to overlook (override) important signals instead of taking a step back and analyzing them. Does that affect your
judgement? DEFINITELY.

I think your question "how good are you at judging whether you really know someone else well" also begs the question," Do you trust
your own judgement of how well you know that someone else?" After a failed relationship, the answer would be different. No, the person I
thought I knew isn't the person he is now. Would I say my judgement ability has improved over time? Not so sure because I am the same
person but I do have a little more experience so maybe could be the answer. How is that for being on the fence? Ouch, that hurts! LOL!
I think that emotions play a huge part on judgement and sometimes I want things to be the way I want to see them but in actuality, they
are not. Again, judgement is impaired. I have to work on my judgement skills is what I am thinking....see another brain teaser!

Eileen

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

Thanks for adding some of your post-relationship practices of self-examination to the discussion. After a relationship, I wonder how many people ask themselves some of the questions you wrote.

It sounds like your answer to my basic question, which could be posed as, "When you start to think that you know somebody, how much to do you trust your judgment about really knowing him well?", would be, "I still have some doubts about my ability in this area." Just don't let any men know about this vulnerability. shhh

Fudging about judging, cool

John

Jan 11th 2013 new

Apparently, there is nothing as good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse. This raises the question of where on the outside of his horse can a man absorb the horse sense that he needs in order to 'know' other people, discernment being an internal kind of thang, one would have thought.


And lest one be accused of sexism, women being just as capable of discernment as men, where on the outside of the Birrarung mare would this horse sense be parked?

Jan 11th 2013 new

Is this because a barren ashcan, in the absence of discernment, can be banged to make as much deceptively believable noise as a gong in the absence of Love, the ethereal origin of discernment?

Jan 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Roystan-340472 said: Apparently, there is nothing as good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse. This ra...
(Quote) Roystan-340472 said:

Apparently, there is nothing as good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse. This raises the question of where on the outside of his horse can a man absorb the horse sense that he needs in order to 'know' other people, discernment being an internal kind of thang, one would have thought.


And lest one be accused of sexism, women being just as capable of discernment as men, where on the outside of the Birrarung mare would this horse sense be parked?

--hide--
Not at the rear end Roystan :laughing laughing laughing

Jan 11th 2013 new

But I was instructed while very young that all women are smart, all women are beautiful and all women are smart and beautiful all over. Or something like that.

Jan 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Roystan-340472 said: But I was instructed while very young that all women are smart, all women are beautiful and all...
(Quote) Roystan-340472 said:

But I was instructed while very young that all women are smart, all women are beautiful and all women are smart and beautiful all over. Or something like that.

--hide--

Your mother was a very insightful teacher!!!!!

Jan 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: I consider myself a good judge of character. I think there's been two times when my first ...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:


I consider myself a good judge of character. I think there's been two times when my first impression wasn't correct... and that's in my entire life.

--hide--
Hi Tara,

Thanks for responding.

Your answer makes it seem as though there is not much different information that you gather about a person after the first impression. By "different information" I mean information that changes your initial view. I'd think that sometimes a first impression would be uncertain or neutral and in need of further contact before making a decision. Maybe you're a quick study.

Trying to avoid fussed impressions, cool

John

Posts 21 - 30 of 34