Normally, after about a year of spending a lot of time with a person there is a moment where I feel like I really "know" that person. It normally happens when they do or say something that i don't expect and then a clearer picture of that person comes into focus and I have a "I really know this person" moment. However, it's important to note that this is only a moment of knowing someone because people change and grow all the time so your "knowing" someone needs to be updated all the time. I think this is what happens in a lot of marriages, people "know" the other when they marry, but then don't update their image of the person and over the years, until one day they wake up and realize they are married to a different person. In fact, I think this happens a lot in life not just in marriages
Thanks for your original insights into the process of getting to know other people as that process seem to have unfolded in your life. It's interesting how you mention a particular "moment" in addition to a long period of time. If you have any specific examples, it would be interesting to hear about some of them.
Does that unexpected and revelatory action at a particular point in time have to be an act of communication or can it be an action that has nothing to do with communication such as reaching for a door knob?
Regarding your remarks about people's changing, I think that the same person can grow and still be the same individual, but, in the case of a marriage, the other partner has to grow enough to appreciate that new growth. If this happens, the "new" person will be seen as the same individual in a more complete (and more enjoyable) state of development.