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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Intercontinental dating

Jan 11th 2013 new

Hi,
just wanted to read some of your all opinions on long-distance relationships. Strangely, I find myself being reacted on -and attracted to- ladies from another continent. I like the different culture and temperament (Latin America), also on the beauty of these women. I think the same goes the other way around: They might like an European guy for the same reasons.
So of course we are often warned about long distance relationships, how difficult it can be to maintain, and to decide where to settle, etcetera. However, the fact that there is attraction generally for people from a different continent, is also a benefit: It could be the only way to make things work apparently for me: I find myself always struggling getting into contact with (Catholic) girls from my own country or even continent.

What are your (men and women) ideas on this? Just post your opinions, everything is welcome: Some kind of 'philosophy' on why it does or does not work, or personal experience. Not especially on HOW to make it work, and about WHAT the dangers are: Warnings and tips all over the place - but what is the general feeling about it?

Jan 11th 2013 new

I will just list them out: people trying to use you to get immigration status to your country, not sharing the same language, not sharing the same culture, huge airline expenses to fly to see each other, the loneliness of the one who move to the other's country away from everything he/she has known, the inability to spend time with each other before marriage often, or for extended time periods, not being able to "investigate" someone (actually look into their situation/background because they are in another country, or be able to talk to their friends, even possibly know anyone who might know them, etc.), maybe rushing into a decision to marry, because you have traveled all the way to Columbia to meet some woman and you feel like you better propose right now, other countries' family reaction to some guy from somewhere swooping in via the internet to "take their daughter away...."

That is what I can think of. You are very young...don't think the fact you have not found a woman yet of your own culture, or continent suggest that you are not appealing to someone closer to you than South America. Look all over the world, if you hae the means to travel there, but keep looking near you as well. There are millions of girls out there...it just takes one.

Jan 11th 2013 new
(Quote) Frank-901618 said: Hi,just wanted to read some of your all opinions on long-distance relationships. Strangely, I find myself b...
(Quote) Frank-901618 said:

Hi,
just wanted to read some of your all opinions on long-distance relationships. Strangely, I find myself being reacted on -and attracted to- ladies from another continent. I like the different culture and temperament (Latin America), also on the beauty of these women. I think the same goes the other way around: They might like an European guy for the same reasons.
So of course we are often warned about long distance relationships, how difficult it can be to maintain, and to decide where to settle, etcetera. However, the fact that there is attraction generally for people from a different continent, is also a benefit: It could be the only way to make things work apparently for me: I find myself always struggling getting into contact with (Catholic) girls from my own country or even continent.

What are your (men and women) ideas on this? Just post your opinions, everything is welcome: Some kind of 'philosophy' on why it does or does not work, or personal experience. Not especially on HOW to make it work, and about WHAT the dangers are: Warnings and tips all over the place - but what is the general feeling about it?

--hide--


Frank, it' s good to know you are open minded. Not all people looking to date cross continent have an ulterior motive....use the same common sense you would use given any situation. Many of the success stories on CM attest to the fact that it is doable, a large percentage actually have been marriages of the nature you aspire for. You may read some of these stories to gain an insight into the blessings and challenges such relationships may present. I sincerely wish you the best of luck! Please stay positive and follow your heart' s desire. God bless you.
Jan 11th 2013 new

I don't know there is any philosophy to dating someone on another continent. Those relationship work for the same reasons other relationships work--shared values, interests, goals, etc. As with all relationships, go in with eyes wide open and communicate, communicate, communicate. Cultural and family issues can be a problem so be sure to address any cultural questions/concerns earlier rather than later. Read up on her culture too--it might spark concerns/questions that don't come up in conversations.

Jan 12th 2013 new

Thank you for all your contributions!

Pat, I do know the challenges - in Europe we are often warned about the 'taking false benefit'-side in these relationships. However in the particular thing I am very lucky (rather, I feel God is providing), that those dates are living or will be living in Europe temporarily. So there is more time to get to know each other - and even though the distance may still be great, there's less difficulty with timedifference on Skype, for example.

I am looking near me but it seems in my country it is so difficult to be a catholic (or even tend to the natural way of things in romance, if you get what I mean - promiscuity or relativism on lots of different levels). What might comfort as well is that in seminary I had a lot of classmates from Latin America, and a lot of my catholic Dutch friends also have 'international' relationship.

I took special attention to your warnings about 'the loneliness of the person who is leaving her/his country', and 'the family reaction'. I have noticed with my previous date that she was very comfortable in her own country so then rationed that she would not want to leave that, and was forced to wonder if I could give my country up as well. So thanks for pointing that out to me again, it's an important consideration of course.

Which leads to my actual question: What are the reasons that it WOULD work out? Just because of all the challenges people name, there should be a thing which overcomes all the doubt. I feel it's love and the attraction to a 'certain kind' of lady, but is that the only thing? What do you all think about that?

Jan 12th 2013 new

Frank, you asked--What are the reasons that it (LDR) WOULD work out? Just because of all the challenges people name, there should be a thing which overcomes all the doubt. I feel it's love and the attraction to a 'certain kind' of lady, but is that the only thing? What do you all think about that?

Yes, it is all love and attraction. If you are not into her what else would work out?

Jan 12th 2013 new

First dates are expensive...tried it twice....and I only went to San Francisco and Miami. Spent close to a grand both times. In one case there was a mutual "connection" I believe. It went well and I think we were both sure we'd see each other again. You return home and it's back to e-mails and phone calls while you save hundreds of dollars and more time off from work for a second date. For me it was no way to really get to know someone. And I just don't have those kinds of resources. In the end, her life and family was out there, 3000 miles away, and mine was here. I wasn't real keen on suggesting she leave it all behind. And I certainly wasn't going to quit a good job here when so many people can't find one. Plus it's hard to sell a house these days. In the other case, spent about $800 to be told she didn't feel any chemistry. I can hear that a lot closer to home for a lot less money. There's a lot of things to consider; obstacles to overcome. Personally it's not for me....but I guess some are able to make it work.


I consider myself a bit of a romantic...I'd like to believe in soul mates, love at first sight etc. but I'm not so sure anymore. Who here hasn't been fooled before? I seriously doubt it, but if I have a soul mate somewhere in Montana or Mexico, God's going to have to bring her to me...



Jan 12th 2013 new

Thank you for the interesting post, Frank.

I think love has no boundaries, especially when both parties are mature in Faith...

Ask yourself if you're willing to make sacrifices in case you get into LDR like travelling expenses, cultural adjustments, etc. If the answer is YES, go for it. Otherwise do not even try.. A good man here in CM was attracted at my picture, we chatted for a while and became friends, when reality sinked in that he has to travel from another continent to see me - it did not progress to more than friendship. He asked me if I could travel and visit which is really on my list, but the visit is not on top of my priority.

We are still friends :-)

I'll pray for you!

Jan 12th 2013 new

Ah,
made mistake in my browser so a lot has been deleted.
Well, shortly:

First, thank you all for contributing!

Jen: Yes, it's love. I feel an attraction, she feels it too. It's all pretty fresh, but I'm sure we are a match, though I'm not sure about soulmates (I've been 'disappointed' in my own gut feeling a bit too often for that). She is a nice faithful lady that I see a lot of common things and habits that could make this relationship 'the' relationship :)
What I'm unsure of myself, is if it's just a lustful general feeling - just like a Latin woman might prefer an European guy just because of the visum or the wealth, I might be attracted because of a natural beauty I see in these ladies. Of course if I pray, I feel differently and I am also checking with my spiritual director and religious friends about it, but still...

Jim: I have been praying for "God to bring her to me". Suddenly a time ago a girl from this site appeared to be studying close to me. When we ended dating, the other girl already showed up with plans to come to a country also close to me... (before she contacted me, that is). It seems God is creating possibilities here...

And Kat, maturity indeed is a big one! It might seem that young people are more adventurous to travel etcetera, but it's also easier to leave because of the difficulties. If both are mature, both have already considered the challenges too and are more determinate to make it work. At least that's my guess...

Thank you all, especially for praying!

Jan 12th 2013 new

Hello Frank!

LDRs *can* work if the people in the relationship are dedicated to each other. Yes, distance is an issue, then naturally the worries about if you fall in love how you will be together. The thing is to talk that all over *while* getting to know each other but *before* becoming exclusive, and be honest. If you can't/don't want to leave your country for whatever reason, lay that "card" on the table. However, if you meet a special lady on another continenet, be prepared for many long skype dates. biggrin Being away from the person you love is hard, but being able to *see* them regularly on skype helps a lot. I hope this helps. God bless. I'll be Praying for you. smile

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