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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Chastity

Jan 12th 2013 new

Obviously, I'm looking for a chaste guy. But, as I've learned, even if one is saving himself/herself for marriage, the other shouldn't assume that he/she is chaste. Is anyone else in this same boat? It's almost like, "Wait, I go to church weekly and don't have sex. Isn't that enough?"


No, I don't think it is. irked

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Jan 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: Obviously, I'm looking for a chaste guy. But, as I've learned, even if one is saving himse...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:

Obviously, I'm looking for a chaste guy. But, as I've learned, even if one is saving himself/herself for marriage, the other shouldn't assume that he/she is chaste. Is anyone else in this same boat? It's almost like, "Wait, I go to church weekly and don't have sex. Isn't that enough?"


No, I don't think it is.

--hide--

I guess it would be a matter of judging the other's approach to intimacy as the relationship progresses. Is he truly seeking chastity to honor God, and you as a daughter of God? Does he see himself as a temple of the Holy Spirit? Or is the attitude more like what can we get away with and still avoid Hell? God knows what we're made of, thank you, and that we stumble even while reaching for Him. The point is to keep striving toward chastity, and I think much of that rests upon the attitude we have toward the sacred nature of our bodies. The body is not simply an organ for giving and receiving pleasure, but the tabernacle of the soul - so we treat it with respect.

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Jan 13th 2013 new
I agree with you. It's just tough to find men who agree with that. I can't be the only one having this issue. Lol
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Jan 13th 2013 new

Amen - it is tough, especially because the word and idea of chastity is so misunderstood. Chastity is not just "not having sex", it is so much more than that...it's a worldview, it's how you treat people of the opposite sex, how you try to orient your mind and thoughts. They are out there though, just gotta keep looking. Have you read "How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul" by Jason and Crystalina Evert? They deal in it a bit on how "not having sex" or "being willing to wait" is not always good enough.

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Jan 13th 2013 new

So, what are you looking for exactly? So, if a guy told you that he doesn't have sex - that isn't enough? Please explain. If you expect every guy to be a Theology of the Body diehard, I think that is way too high of a standard. That is fine if that is the standard you have for yourself and you should expect every guy to respect that. But if a guy tell you he is ok with waiting until marriage, that SHOULD be good enough. Don't look for reasons NOT to date someone- that is the key to remaining single.

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Jan 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: But if a guy tell you he is ok with waiting until marriage, that SHOULD be good enough. Don'...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

But if a guy tell you he is ok with waiting until marriage, that SHOULD be good enough. Don't look for reasons NOT to date someone- that is the key to remaining single.

--hide--

To me, "OK with waiting" sounds like it also means "OK with not waiting" -- not the type of person that can be counted on to avoid the temptations and near occasions of sin. Every single deserves more than just "OK with waiting."

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Jan 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: Obviously, I'm looking for a chaste guy. But, as I've learned, even if one is saving himse...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:

Obviously, I'm looking for a chaste guy. But, as I've learned, even if one is saving himself/herself for marriage, the other shouldn't assume that he/she is chaste. Is anyone else in this same boat? It's almost like, "Wait, I go to church weekly and don't have sex. Isn't that enough?"


No, I don't think it is.

--hide--



Tara, if I correctly understand you, you're speaking of virginity in soul, heart, and body. If that's the case...yes, we're in the same boat. (Tell you what, how about you take one oar and I'll take the other. biggrin )

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Jan 13th 2013 new
Yes a guy can agree to 'wait' but if it is not for the right reasons, if it is not about purity then the issue can come up later as a spouse. It is a frame of mind. 'Agreeing' to do without before marriage is not enough. The book 'How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul' IS a very good book and not 'preachy'. I think it gets through with the reasons as to why society's thinking should change, for our benefit , in addition to pleasing God. His plan really does work out very well and will make us very happy.
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Jan 13th 2013 new

To me at least, it's not about being a Theology of the Body diehard...but more about why is he "ok with waiting for marriage"? Chastity isn't necessarily just about not having sex before marriage because the Church says so. If someone is waiting, but is okay with heavy making out, putting us both in the near occasion of sin, but thinking it's okay because we're not actually going all the way, or objectifying women based on how they dress or present themselves, or dressing or acting in a manner which will cause others to lust after him...even if he is "waiting until marriage" that doesn't speak to me of a real understanding of chastity. It's not that we're looking for reasons not to date, it's that we're trying to find the one that will treat us and others the way God intended. Do guys who have studied TOB tend to have a better understanding of this? Perhaps, but there are plenty of guys who have never heard of it and still act chastely. And it goes both ways, women need to be just as aware of being chaste in their lives as men.


My 2 two cents

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Jan 13th 2013 new
(Quote) Jessica-766671 said: To me at least, it's not about being a Theology of the Body diehard...but more about why is he "ok w...
(Quote) Jessica-766671 said:

To me at least, it's not about being a Theology of the Body diehard...but more about why is he "ok with waiting for marriage"? Chastity isn't necessarily just about not having sex before marriage because the Church says so. If someone is waiting, but is okay with heavy making out, putting us both in the near occasion of sin, but thinking it's okay because we're not actually going all the way, or objectifying women based on how they dress or present themselves, or dressing or acting in a manner which will cause others to lust after him...even if he is "waiting until marriage" that doesn't speak to me of a real understanding of chastity. It's not that we're looking for reasons not to date, it's that we're trying to find the one that will treat us and others the way God intended. Do guys who have studied TOB tend to have a better understanding of this? Perhaps, but there are plenty of guys who have never heard of it and still act chastely. And it goes both ways, women need to be just as aware of being chaste in their lives as men.




My 2

--hide--


I agree with you 100%. Both parties have to be on the same boat to live chastity as it should be lived. I just broke off with a guy I met at CM over this whole issue. When we were together, because we are so in love with each other, the passion runs high. However, I could see the value and beauty of waiting for marriage to give myself completely to him, but he feels that since we want to get married some day anyways, why wait. I really loved this guy, and now feels so heart broken to break this relationship up based on these principles. He tells me that I'll never find a guy at CM who will love me like he loves me. I believe that he loves me, yet, I wish he could show his love in other ways other than sex.
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