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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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01/13/2013 new

It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy that Needs a Dad - a male influence for guidance and Love - Its been very difficult - I thought my family would become much more of a help and take him with their families on trips etc or take him for a weekend or even an afternoon - but that didn't happen - Although my family is close by - They are all very busy with their own families - but honestly we are very much alone. It's pretty unbareable at times - PLEASE pray for us - that God will send us someone to be this person in our lives - I have speant too many holidays and birthdays alone! Thank You for listening

01/13/2013 new

(Quote) Joann-930102 said: It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy ...
(Quote) Joann-930102 said:

It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy that Needs a Dad - a male influence for guidance and Love - Its been very difficult - I thought my family would become much more of a help and take him with their families on trips etc or take him for a weekend or even an afternoon - but that didn't happen - Although my family is close by - They are all very busy with their own families - but honestly we are very much alone. It's pretty unbareable at times - PLEASE pray for us - that God will send us someone to be this person in our lives - I have speant too many holidays and birthdays alone! Thank You for listening

--hide--
Joann first welcome to the forums. I am very sorry that your husband died of a heart attack. It is very hard to loss someone you love. It is also hard to be a single parent. Do you belong to any groups? Any support groups for widows/widowers? A support group might help so that you don't feel so alone. Just a thought. Being involved in a group or an activity that interests you might help also. You might meet new people and enjoy doing something you like to do.

01/13/2013 new

(Quote) Joann-930102 said: It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy ...
(Quote) Joann-930102 said:

It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy that Needs a Dad - a male influence for guidance and Love - Its been very difficult - I thought my family would become much more of a help and take him with their families on trips etc or take him for a weekend or even an afternoon - but that didn't happen - Although my family is close by - They are all very busy with their own families - but honestly we are very much alone. It's pretty unbareable at times - PLEASE pray for us - that God will send us someone to be this person in our lives - I have speant too many holidays and birthdays alone! Thank You for listening

--hide--
Greetings, Joann, and welcome to the forums. You've started with a concern that's important to many single parents, especially boys. They are in need of a "big brother", a role model -- someone to hellp relieve you of trying to fill the shoes of both parents.

About your family -- have you actually talked to them about this? Have you asked them? Sometimes they need a little nudge. For some reason they may think everything is fine on your end. Just a guess -- the family of whom you speak are probably in-laws? There is a possibility they are feeling the loss of your husband deeply and any reminder about him becomes an emotional issue with them. Sometimes they even place some blame on a surviving spouse, although it is sadly misplaced. Emotions can cloud one's judgement severely.

Assuming that your family members aren't about to step up to the plate, there have been other suggestions, not only for your son, but for yourself as well. We all need some "me" time -- both you and your son. As a teenager, it's critical that he has some firm guidance to help him through his transition from childhood to adulthood.

You didn't mention neighbors or friends who might be willing and able to help. Is either of these a possibility? Is he active in Scouts or sports? Leaders and coaches are often in a position to take youngsters under their wing and spend some extra time with them. Church youth groups? Another possibility.

Being a single parent is a tiring, non-ending job. I've continually repeated that single parents should automatically be considered for sainthood for all they must go through. We encourage you to keep doing your best -- your son will appreciate this, perhaps not now, but when he realizes the extent of responsibilities of parenthood. Many blessings to you.... theheart hug

01/13/2013 new

(Quote) Joann-930102 said: It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy ...
(Quote) Joann-930102 said:

It will be 9 years since my husband died of a heart attack - My son is 14, he is the kind of boy that Needs a Dad - a male influence for guidance and Love - Its been very difficult - I thought my family would become much more of a help and take him with their families on trips etc or take him for a weekend or even an afternoon - but that didn't happen - Although my family is close by - They are all very busy with their own families - but honestly we are very much alone. It's pretty unbareable at times - PLEASE pray for us - that God will send us someone to be this person in our lives - I have speant too many holidays and birthdays alone! Thank You for listening

--hide--
I will remember you'll in my prayers. Praying hug


Is he involved in activities with positive role models?My sons were in sporting clubs at school and privately.Scouts was also a great place with lots of activities.They were also fortunate to have good teachers in Catholic schools as well as those parents and past pupils who supported the school.

01/13/2013 new

(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said: I will remember you'll in my prayers. Is he involved in activities with pos...
(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said:

I will remember you'll in my prayers.


Is he involved in activities with positive role models?My sons were in sporting clubs at school and privately.Scouts was also a great place with lots of activities.They were also fortunate to have good teachers in Catholic schools as well as those parents and past pupils who supported the school.

--hide--
Church youth groups are also great places for adolescent boys.

01/13/2013 new

You are not alone. I feel your pain. I have 4 sons between the ages of 1 and 10. It's easy to feel like no one cares. People are very busy these days and a lot of them just assume you have more help than you really do. I know. People have a hard time believing me when I tell them, I have such little help that going to church is enouph to wear me out. Just because a person is single does not mean they have freedom. I can't even find a babysitter for 2 hours a week so that I can lead my book club. I gave up my driving jobs and put my dreams on hold to make up for my kids not having a dad to come home to them at night. My poor boys do have an empty spot in their hearts. It's too bad most men only think of themselves.

01/14/2013 new

You are absolutely correct Joanne, at his age he does need a loving male influence. My parents divorced when I was about that age and my father was mostly emotionally and physically absent for years before that. It is a very important time in his life, he needs a another man to teach him how to be a man. Unfortunately for me I became very withdrawn at the age and it stayed with me until my 40s. So have him join sports teams or clubs at schools before he gets out of adolescence. I ended up working with adolescent children with severe behaviors and I pretty blame it on the fact that they didn't have a loving male in their life.

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