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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

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Jan 14th 2013 new

"I" will be pulling up a chair and getting my popcorn ready for this. "I" feel this should prove to be an interesting topic. scratchchin biggrin wink

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Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

--hide--


There's no "thinking" about it. There is much evidence of the existence of this very behavior. You are right though: this type of behavior is very unhealthy behavior carried out by very unhealthy people and has no place either in a Catholic fora or on a Catholic dating site.


Good job! thumbsup

 


theheart

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Jan 14th 2013 new

What you are observing is, at least in part, the result of people rejecting the crosses they have been given to bear at this point in time. Instead of bearing them willingly and determining what the Lord wishes them to do now, they complain either about ot being able to meet people or, worse yet, about other's preferences that they feel interfere with their chance of success (e.g., older women complaining about older men wanting to date younger women).

For those who have neot seent his before, I recommend the excellent sermon by Bp. Edward J. Slattery of Tulsa on salvific suffering:

wdtprs.com

(there is a spot near the start of the audio where the audio drops out; keep listening - it eventually resumes from the beginning)

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Jan 14th 2013 new

My opinion here is what I see so far.


The older ones telling those under 30 they have time and shouldn't be so worried.


The younger ones disregarding the life experiance of those above 30


People of any age posting when the question was directed to males/females/over a certian age/under a certian age/with kids/without kids/ traditional/etc.


People making blanket statments that are hurtful, even if they are true.


People making rash judments about where they live being inadequite while they may not be looking in the right places for what they desire.



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Jan 14th 2013 new

If you wish to know where the resentment - the TRUE resentment - lies, you need to look no further than the title of the threads that are posted. Everything that follows are nothing but responses to the topic, as presented. Some will agree with the OP and some will disagree, but find themselves almost immediately shouted down by those who agree with the OP.


It'd be amusing if it weren't so predictable. It's the same group of people who dominate every thread stroking each others' egos.


theheart



LOCKED
Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizi...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

--hide--

God bless you, Shara. I thank you. hug

LOCKED
Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizi...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

All over the past week and a half there have been so many threads where people have been vocalizing extreme frustration, anger, resentment, and in some cases outright despair with this fora and with the process on this site. Some people even seem to think that others are slandering them behind their backs in the private message arena. All of this is extrmely unhealthy and has no place in a Catholic fora.

I am new here and I am sure that even if I had been on here for a while that I could not claim perfect understanding of the process. However, I do think that this site what developed for us to meet Catholic brothers and sisters that we would not have a chance to otherwise, to build a community of support in the often challenging single life, to help each other get to heaven and to hopefully find a good healthy romantic relationship.

Therefore since we seem to be moving away from that I started this thread as a chance for people to share their views in a healthy way. No accusations or sacarsm allowed ( me included as I am guilty of that too).

In the spirit of healthy conversation we will use "I" statements. Meaning instead of saying you did this and caused me hurt we will say When I heard this or this action took place "I" felt this way and thought this is what you were saying to me.People can respond by saying I am sorry that you felt this way but this is what I meant or this is what I was trying to do.

Part of the single life is learning to work through arguements in a healthy way. Marriage is going to bring disapgreements just like we have in this fora but it is learning how to handle them and have everyone leave the discussion feeling loved and with their dignity intact that is important. It does not mean that we have to accept bad behavior but that we learn to communicate with each other in a healthy and respectful way. That is going to help all of us in marriage and is needed to be learnt by all including me. We all have something that we can learn from each other and as we prepare for the married life possibly we can use this time to grow with each other in a healthy way. To use this time to learn how to communicate with another person of a different temperament or view point than ourselves. To learn how to encourage and mentor each other in a loving way. The world breaks us and beats us down enough. We should be able to come here to be built up.

Again ground rules, no accusations, no "you" statements and or mentioning each other by name directly, no highhanded or preachy behavior, no insults, no inappropriate jokes and no sacarsm. ( I know that is a lot of rules) Just humilty and love as a community of believers in one faith recognizing that each of us are in different places in our journey with Christ.

St Josemaria says that we are like rough diamonds and it is only by rubbing hard on the people, circumstances and trials in life that we can become the polished jewels that God desires us to be.

I truly ask for the intercession of Sts.Tobias and Sara that we may use this thread to learn to express ourselves going forward more effectively. That this thread be taken in the Spirit that it was intended.

--hide--

Excellent initiative Shara! You are wisdom and beauty combined. thumbsup

I for one have a irritating tendency to react according to my first impression which now and then has me sitting there with both my feet firmly placed in my mouth. The learning process is painfully slow. Please have patience with me.

LOCKED
Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: If you wish to know where the resentment - the TRUE resentment - lies, you need to look no furth...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

If you wish to know where the resentment - the TRUE resentment - lies, you need to look no further than the title of the threads that are posted. Everything that follows are nothing but responses to the topic, as presented. Some will agree with the OP and some will disagree, but find themselves almost immediately shouted down by those who agree with the OP.


It'd be amusing if it weren't so predictable. It's the same group of people who dominate every thread stroking each others' egos.



--hide--

I understand that you are frustrated. However, we are trying not to accuse anyone on this thread but to talk about what we are feeling when certain actions take place. The hope is that we might make each other aware of somethings that they might not have been aware of.

It's the same group of people who dominate every thread stroking each others' egos.

I am sorry that you feel that way but I feel that when you say that you might be hurting people's feelings instead of communicating your feelings in a way to effect change. I would try to say that in a way shares specifically what your concern is and how it makes you feel as i still do not understand that from your post. It may be my lack of understanding so please excuse me in advance for that.

LOCKED
Jan 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: If you wish to know where the resentment - the TRUE resentment - lies, you need to look no furth...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

If you wish to know where the resentment - the TRUE resentment - lies, you need to look no further than the title of the threads that are posted. Everything that follows are nothing but responses to the topic, as presented. Some will agree with the OP and some will disagree, but find themselves almost immediately shouted down by those who agree with the OP.


It'd be amusing if it weren't so predictable. It's the same group of people who dominate every thread stroking each others' egos.

--hide--


Victor, I think I hear you saying that if a topic is described and another comes along and disagrees with the pronouncement - that the individual(s) that disagrees is shouted down by the others. That right?

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