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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

01/11/2013 new

It is important for us not to overgeneralize and pass judgement about a particular culture because there are positive and negative components in every culture. Within the cultures of the Caucasians there is most definitely violence, vulgar and offensive music, art, films, television shows, plays etc...I think it would be wise for people considering dating someone of a different ethnicity, (I strive to avoid stating race since that is a culturally constructed term, we are all part of the human race), to confront how the media, education, politics etc.. has influenced their views about people different from themselves. Education is integral. One question we might ask ourselves is why do I care about the hue of someone's skin? Why does that matter? Even if our answers surprise us at least we would be honest with ourselves and can start the process of investigating our misconceptions. Blessings!! theheart

01/11/2013 new

(Quote) Katty-898923 said: I feel like my question could unintentionally open up a general discussion on race and beauty, bu...
(Quote) Katty-898923 said:

I feel like my question could unintentionally open up a general discussion on race and beauty, but I'll give it a shot anyway. I am a dark-skinned woman and most of the time I find myself attracted to white men. Most of the profiles I view are of white men. They generally seem to be a better match for me as it comes to depth, personality, interests, and involvement in the faith. But I've only ever gotten a serious response from dark-skinned men, most of whom seem rather dull.


To get to the point, my question is, I know (and I'm not just saying that) I'm a beautiful dark woman, but how realistic is it to expect a white man to seriously consider an interracial relationship? Please tell me that I'm crazy in thinking that, at least online, white men are looking for someone whose color will fit nicely in their family's picture? That their idea of a perfect match also matches their skin color.

I hate to be superficial, I really do, and I'm open to being challenged for it. God knows I need it! I know in my head that God's choice for me will be revealed when the right time comes and that when it does, color won't matter. But in my heart I still wonder if there's some truth to what I feel is happening...

Praying for peace, patience, and purity for all of us tonight. God bless and thanks in advance for your answers!


Helpful biographical note: I have dated white men in real life (2 of 3 boyfriends), but I'm thinking online it's a different ballgame.

--hide--

Katty, you are an exceptionally lovely young lady. Your right about God's choice and regardless of the color of his skin, if he is the one for you he is not going to be concerned about how nicely you fit in the family's picture. He is going to be thanking the good Lord for fitting you into his life.

01/12/2013 new

Hi Katty wave


I don't think race is an issue for some men on CM. I am also a dark-skinned woman and I'm open to dating men from all races, but I've only seriously communicated with white men on CM, this has happened quite by accident and not as a personal preference. I think its more important to find a like-minded person that you share similar values with on matters of faith and morality, if the person happens to be of another race then so be it IMHO. At this point in my life, I pray for the grace to discern the person's true intentions and to get a glimpse of what is in the person's heart. I'm open to a good man with a good heart irregardless of his race. Katty, please don't feel too badly if you do have a personal preference, it is not a sin. My only concern is if the personal preference for dating someone from a particular race, prevents you from being open to God's will of finding someone special from another race. For the most part, we all have preferences from what we order in restaurants to the cars we drive, why should dating or choosing a spouse be any different? Praying for you theheart rosary Praying

01/12/2013 new
Katty dear lady. Follow your heart!! Well you heart guided by your head! You are a beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to have one such as you. Faithfilled Catholic is the important part. Everything are minor sides at a feast!!
01/13/2013 new

I would like to add my thoughts as I have personal experience in this area. My ex spouse is Japanese. I married him because he was the one who helped me return to my Faith after some very poor choices in my youth, not because of his race. Though I was too broken to recognise signs from the beginning that this was not a good match, the conversion was real & for this I am grateful...

As far as interracial marriages go, there are some hardships built in right from the beginning that take a lot of awareness & communication to overcome. Cultural differences as someone named earlier factor in. There are still things within the Asian culture that I will never get. Also... though I never considered myself prejudiced in any way, the moment I married my ex... it was like the whole world treated me differently when I was with him. Hostile stares & rude sales people were just the tip of the iceberg in the rural area of Northern MN where we lived...

As far as the children go... my three girls are excited & proud to be half Japanese as it gives them a rather exotic & interesting look. My son didn't fare as easily as he was not only small for his age growing up, but also looked the most Asian of the bunch. He was teased. I know these are superficial things, but to kids it's a big deal. But my son is now 6 feet tall & the head of a sniper team in the army! He got over it! biggrin

In the marriage we lacked the knowledge & skill to over come these difficulties. The kids suffered more from the dysfunction then the fact they are biracial.. But for another couple, forewarned with knowledge & the willingness to put in the work to grow together, the difficulties can become stepping stones... making the marriage all the stronger for it.... IMHO rose rose rose

01/13/2013 new

Hi Katty,


I think your question is valid. I think people in general go for what they know and are comfortable with. I tend to date Latino men but am open to dating people of other cultures as well. I just grew up with friends who were of that background so it is what I am familiar with despite the fact that I'm white. I did however, fall in love with a beautiful black man and dated him for 4 years. He was a very nice guy. I wasn't looking for him we just happened to be in a situation where we spent a lot of time together. For me my attraction to him began gradually as I got to know him. Interestingly, I began to notice a lot of other beautiful black men as well. Dating my ex really got me to see how narrow my vision was of who I might fall in love with. He was the last person I was expecting. Unfortunately, things didn't work out which is what brought me to Catholicmatch. I think if you sent someone a smile it might make it more comfortable for them to approach you. I can only speak for myself on this matter but it might give them the green light to interact with someone they might not know how to approach given cultural difference or dating only a certain type of person. Hope that helps.

01/15/2013 new
I would add East Asian Asian gals to those that would be attractive to me.

BTW, how is Caucasian media more violent than others'? East Asia brought us kung-fu, samurai, ninja, mob, etc. films and American Blacks, anyway, have had gangsta rap, though it came a couple decades after metal, and some violent movies, though they got into the movie biz later in the game.
01/15/2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: 'I think that while you may have a preference that you may be selling yourself short by disco...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

'I think that while you may have a preference that you may be selling yourself short by discounting all others.'

Don't limit yourselves ladies. There are good guys in EVERY race.'

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Hello! It is recently that I have activated again my account. I also have not paid much attention to the forums and blogs in this site in the past. Now that I do, I am learning a lot from your insights. I too, have a bias by leaning towards people of my own race specifically those whom I share common cultural background. In the process, I might be doing just what Shara said.

01/15/2013 new

Although I have no problem with IR dating, I am sensitive to the fact that it's not everyone's cup of tea for whatever reason. I know a few black women who would never consider dating a man who wasn't black but I know many who don't care. My friend recently told me that my pool of eligible men has decreased dramatically since becoming Catholic because I want to marry another Catholic and she feels most conservative traditional Catholic men may not be open to IR dating. I have no idea if that's true or not, but ultimately God knows the right person. His skin color is irrelevant.

Good luck Katty and keep the faith that you'll meet the right person for you.

01/15/2013 new

(Quote) Claudine-882177 said: Although I have no problem with IR dating, I am sensitive to the fact that it's not everyo...
(Quote) Claudine-882177 said:

Although I have no problem with IR dating, I am sensitive to the fact that it's not everyone's cup of tea for whatever reason. I know a few black women who would never consider dating a man who wasn't black but I know many who don't care. My friend recently told me that my pool of eligible men has decreased dramatically since becoming Catholic because I want to marry another Catholic and she feels most conservative traditional Catholic men may not be open to IR dating. I have no idea if that's true or not, but ultimately God knows the right person. His skin color is irrelevant.

Good luck Katty and keep the faith that you'll meet the right person for you.

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Claudine trust me that this is not true. Beside which, you would be a catch for any Catholic man and a blessing. Don't be discouraged.

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