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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for the discussion of current events,cultural issues and politics especially in relation to Catholic values.

Saint Thomas More was martyred during the Protestant Reformation for standing firm in the Faith and not recognizing the King of England as the Supreme Head of the Church.
Learn More:Saint Thomas More

Jan 15th 2013 new
(Quote) Lina-796057 said: No, it isn't safe to love romantically, because we can get hurt from rejection or disappointment. We can si...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

No, it isn't safe to love romantically, because we can get hurt from rejection or disappointment. We can sit behind our computers & be settling for an electronic "relationship" which may seem to satisfy for the moment. But that is an illusion, which ultimately will hurt a lot more in this "safe" mode than it will in taking some risk.

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You mean we should actually meet people in person???
Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: Not sure if this is on topic or off topic but your heavy topic brings to mind a choice I made to...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:

Not sure if this is on topic or off topic but your heavy topic brings to mind a choice I made tonight. As I have shared before I lost my son to an overdose of a synthetic drug. St Gregory's college hosted an open meeting tonight with someone from poison prevention center and someone from law enforcement tonight. I went and I ended up sharing my story tonight. I ended up with a lot of thank you's and several hugs from people I have never met. I was actually told by the poison prevention center person that my just showing up and having the courage to tell my story probably did as much good as his prepared talk on the subject. While I doubt that I do hope that they can do some good with what they presented tonight.....
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That was so nice to get those Thank you's Brenda.. We all make a difference with our choices.. It looks like you made a positive one... God Bless you for being courageous enough to share your story.. I think it takes courage many times to make certain choices and you to make the choice to talk in front of the group was a good thing I am sure..

Hugs and prayers on this end to you .. Praying hug

Kathleen

Jan 15th 2013 new
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said: That was so nice to get those Thank you's Brenda.. We all make a difference with our choi...
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said:





That was so nice to get those Thank you's Brenda.. We all make a difference with our choices.. It looks like you made a positive one... God Bless you for being courageous enough to share your story.. I think it takes courage many times to make certain choices and you to make the choice to talk in front of the group was a good thing I am sure..

Hugs and prayers on this end to you ..

Kathleen

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Thanks Kathleen hug
Jan 15th 2013 new

I think of Emerson's quote "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else."

It always left me a bit sad, especially when I'd think on not having those things or people upon which I set my heart--even though, as Emerson points out, I'm not left empty-handed. Wisdom in itself is important.

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: I read a story from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar many years ago that I recently loo...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

I read a story from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar many years ago that I recently looked up (do not recommend the book - a real downer). But the story she tells is about a fig tree heavy with fruit - each fruit represents a different life choice for her. She hesitates in choosing a fruit, for she knows if she selects one, she by default rejects the rest. But because of hestitation, eventually all the fruit overripens and falls off and she is left with nothing.

The moral of the story: making a choice results in the elimination of other choices. Are there people out there who fear commitment for this reason? And has this fear caused you to miss some opportunities for love? I often think about this paradox - that in order to really grow, one must limit oneself by choosing a specific path, entering deeply into this choice in order to learn how to love. I know this is a really heavy topic, but is important to address in a culture that wants us to buy into the illusion of infinite choice. And sometimes we might decide to choose, only to be disappointed with our choice later on - how do we renew our ability to learn how to love in these situations of disappointment? Looking forward to some deep discussion!

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Kristen, I like your deep thoughts. In fact, I'm more interested in how you may answer your questions - then anything I could add.

My first thought was, I wonder if this was an existential book or a christian one. Since the focus was on the choosing of fruit rather than producing fruit - but that's beside the point. I'm glad you read it and we don't have to (since it was a downer and I read slow).

She also must not have been a farmer, because they usually pick all the fruit, not just one. She must have been a consumer not a producer.

Getting to the moral of the story, one choice eliminating other choices causing a fear of commitment.

For me, I have had fear - but not fear because one choice eliminated the other. That's a different area all together.

But I'll share my thoughts on commitment, because someone might be like me - caught unaware.

As a young adult - I had made a choice, but I was not even fully aware of the choice myself. I only vaguely knew and could verbalize something I did not quite understand myself. I would say something to this effect, I would rather take care of my Mom than take care of some strange guy.

It wasn't until my choice became ripe, 10-12 years later - that I knew this is what I chose all along and why I turned away from anything else.

And so, when my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2001 and I quit my job at 32 yrs. old. I was probably more prepared then most to be flexible enough to meet the situation. And my life choice is right on to what I wanted all along.

So, my moral of the story is - you may have made a choice and not be fully aware of what it is.

That for some - it may not be fear, but that the choice has been so subtly made, you don't recognize what it is.













Jan 15th 2013 new

Can't recall where I read it, but someone said, "There will always be people better suited for you than the one you choose, and there will always be worse ones. Find happiness in your choice."

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: I read a story from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar many years ago that I recently loo...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

I read a story from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar many years ago that I recently looked up (do not recommend the book - a real downer). But the story she tells is about a fig tree heavy with fruit - each fruit represents a different life choice for her. She hesitates in choosing a fruit, for she knows if she selects one, she by default rejects the rest. But because of hestitation, eventually all the fruit overripens and falls off and she is left with nothing.

The moral of the story: making a choice results in the elimination of other choices. Are there people out there who fear commitment for this reason? And has this fear caused you to miss some opportunities for love? I often think about this paradox - that in order to really grow, one must limit oneself by choosing a specific path, entering deeply into this choice in order to learn how to love. I know this is a really heavy topic, but is important to address in a culture that wants us to buy into the illusion of infinite choice. And sometimes we might decide to choose, only to be disappointed with our choice later on - how do we renew our ability to learn how to love in these situations of disappointment? Looking forward to some deep discussion!

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How do we learn to love in these situations of disappointment? I think it starts with understanding that a choice is not a dead end and will open up new choices either now or in the future. While some choices will be eliminationed new ones will open simply by making a choice and following though with it. Anytime we are faced with disappointment we have a choice to make, given into bitterness and blame or use it as an opportunity to grow. One is easy the other hard, but leads to more rewarding options down the road. I think with this understand we can learn to love again and in a much deeper way then we ever could before.

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: One thing I want to make clear after rereading my original post - I hope no one ou...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:


One thing I want to make clear after rereading my original post - I hope no one out there reads this and assumes this is me fingerpointing at someone else...this is me pondering my own decisions in life - sometimes I wonder if I have been so enamored with all the choices before me that I have been distracted from selecting - in terms of vocation, education, career, etc. But the older I get, the more I understand the importance of choosing and entering deeply into that choice for the purpose of growth.

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Entering deeply into that choice. Excellent words. I think, our culture has infiltrated our prayer lives to some degree. We pray and expect results. There should be a neon light, cats & dogs raining from Heaven, some unmistakable sign showing which way to go. Though that may happen to St. Paul and a few others, most of us have to slog through in silence and uncertainty. But in making a choice and like you said, "entering deeply into that choice", we find true meaning in following God's will in our lives. There should be a sense of peace about it.

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Tara-916865 said: There is a "me mentality" out there... go for the best job, best car, best house, best s...
(Quote) Tara-916865 said:

There is a "me mentality" out there... go for the best job, best car, best house, best spouse, etc. It's kind of like, I know I'm worth that, so I deserve that. Well, maybe.... lol But if those things or people don't bring you happiness, then you just end up still feeling empty. So, you have to find happiness within before you go looking elsewhere... Love yourself before you want someone to love you.


I didn't always love myself, but I sure as heck wasn't going to be in a relationship like that. That's how codependency starts! So, I worked on myself (still a work in progress), got to be Happy Tara, and then I figured I'd see what the rest of life is all about.

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This reminds me of a quote from the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" and in it, Morrie Schwartz says this:

"Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. 'Guess what I got? Guess what I got?' You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can never substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship."


Ultimately, it always ends up being about love.

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: Thanks, I did not feel courageous at all, in fact I wondered why I was there at first when it wa...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:

Thanks, I did not feel courageous at all, in fact I wondered why I was there at first when it was clear to me most everyone who showed up were either health care or law enforcement personnel.....
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I'm sure God gave you needed in that moment. Thank you for being willing to share your story - you never know which life you touched!

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