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This room is for discussion related to learning about the faith (Catechetics), defense of the Faith (Apologetics), the Liturgy and canon law, motivated by a desire to grow closer to Christ or to bring someone else closer.

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Know Thyself

Jan 15th 2013 new

Back on Catholic Match. I was dating a man & it started to get serious for a while. Then his daughter came home for vacation and met me over Christmas. I was shocked; he supported her when she verbally attacked and insulted me. Thats when I found out he never says "no" to her. Now he wants to talk, acting like nothing is wrong, but he refuses to acknowledge there is anything wrong with his daughter's behavior -- or his. The daughter credits herself with breaking us up, even bragged to her father "that was my work." Help!

Jan 15th 2013 new

Do yourself the biggest favor you've ever done for yourself... put as much permanent distance between yourself and this as you possibly can. He fully endorsed his daughter's claim crediting herself for coming in-between you, and now that she's not present he is choosing to ignore that.


There is no redemptive value to stay in this situation. His daughter may be young and immature, but he doesn't get that mulligan. He's old enough to know better.


I just hope you're not expecting this to get any better now that she knows what she can get away with.


theheart

Jan 15th 2013 new

Thanks, Victor. I'll just keep praying. It is hard to start over when you thought you'd found the one. God knows it is better I found out sooner rather than later.

Jan 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Barbara-689659 said: Thanks, Victor. I'll just keep praying. It is hard to start over when you thought you'd...
(Quote) Barbara-689659 said:

Thanks, Victor. I'll just keep praying. It is hard to start over when you thought you'd found the one. God knows it is better I found out sooner rather than later.

--hide--


I'm sorry this happened to you, Barbara. Manners matter. This was just a stepping stone for better things to come.

Jan 16th 2013 new

I suppose, even as a family of one (hoping to include another to become two), your tiny household is a domestic church. So, do what the big church does when it encounters people who cannot be included because to do so would be to damage itself. Let the man be anathema. It's only self-defence: an anathema can always repent and return.


Also, if you have dusty shoes (although I find this hard to imagine), you can always shake the dust off them at his doorstep. However, this might be a tad too assertive?

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Barbara-689659 said: Back on Catholic Match. I was dating a man & it started to get serious for a while. Then hi...
(Quote) Barbara-689659 said:

Back on Catholic Match. I was dating a man & it started to get serious for a while. Then his daughter came home for vacation and met me over Christmas. I was shocked; he supported her when she verbally attacked and insulted me. Thats when I found out he never says "no" to her. Now he wants to talk, acting like nothing is wrong, but he refuses to acknowledge there is anything wrong with his daughter's behavior -- or his. The daughter credits herself with breaking us up, even bragged to her father "that was my work." Help!

--hide--
Sad to hear this, Barbara, but it is a common occurrence. As you said, the word "no" hasn't been used by this man to deal with his daughter. She shouldn't be taking all of the credit for breaking up the two of you -- he is equally at fault, if not more. He will have to deal with his daughter first or else she will interfere with any relationship he might hope to establish. That will be a process -- if it happens at all. If he is oblivious to the problem, then it won't get solved. At some point the daughter might wake up and see the damage she has caused, but it will be too late. She might never change from acting like a spoiled brat.

The fact he acts as if nothing is wrong is your clue that you'll be faced with the same problem repeatedly. If he won't correct his daughter, it's most likely he won't tolerate corrective action on your part.

It hurts now, but you'll come to realize this situation is a disaster. Save yourself while you can. It's unfortunate for you but better to start over again than to enter a relationship that will soon become miserable. Keep in mind that you're not the one who needs help -- both of them do.

You can do better.

Jan 16th 2013 new

Thanks Ray. I appreciate some male viewpoints. I was starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland, having fallen down the rabbit hole. Just starting to gain some perspective on the situation. No, I don't want to settle for someone who makes me feel I'm compromising my faith. Ironically, my ex-boyfriend lovesmy children precisely because they were raised to follow the Ten Commandments, including the 4th one. I challenged them to live their faith out in the world, and they do.


Just looking for a man with the integrity to live his faith. Not that I'm perfect -- far from it -- but I'll accept correction and pray and try to do better. Hoping to find a good Catholic man who feels the same way.

Jan 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Barbara-689659 said: Thanks Ray. I appreciate some male viewpoints. I was starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland,...
(Quote) Barbara-689659 said:

Thanks Ray. I appreciate some male viewpoints. I was starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland, having fallen down the rabbit hole. Just starting to gain some perspective on the situation. No, I don't want to settle for someone who makes me feel I'm compromising my faith. Ironically, my ex-boyfriend lovesmy children precisely because they were raised to follow the Ten Commandments, including the 4th one. I challenged them to live their faith out in the world, and they do.


Just looking for a man with the integrity to live his faith. Not that I'm perfect -- far from it -- but I'll accept correction and pray and try to do better. Hoping to find a good Catholic man who feels the same way.

--hide--
Have faith and keep trying.....There are many good men out there, and all you need is one who is right for you.

Jan 30th 2013 new

Agree 100% on this. Total disrespect like this that goes unchallenged or unnoticed isn't worth another 5 minutes of your energy. You get up, walk out, and never look back.

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Do yourself the biggest favor you've ever done for yourself... put as much permanent distanc...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:

Do yourself the biggest favor you've ever done for yourself... put as much permanent distance between yourself and this as you possibly can.

--hide--

Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Barbara-689659 said: Back on Catholic Match. I was dating a man & it started to get serious for a while. Then hi...
(Quote) Barbara-689659 said:

Back on Catholic Match. I was dating a man & it started to get serious for a while. Then his daughter came home for vacation and met me over Christmas. I was shocked; he supported her when she verbally attacked and insulted me. Thats when I found out he never says "no" to her. Now he wants to talk, acting like nothing is wrong, but he refuses to acknowledge there is anything wrong with his daughter's behavior -- or his. The daughter credits herself with breaking us up, even bragged to her father "that was my work." Help!

--hide--




Run, don't walk, as fast as you can away from this guy. He will never be able to have a true marriage because he won't be able to fully commit to a sacrificial Catholic marriage. I'd say, "thank you little brat...you can have him." A bit harsh, but so true. He has no room in his life for a wife.


- Elizabeth

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