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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) David-870960 said: I can relate to Michael's statements; and I find that it's wonderful to feel the...
(Quote) David-870960 said:

I can relate to Michael's statements; and I find that it's wonderful to feel the fellowship of shared Faith here, and to find or be guided to information, resources, or perspectives that assist me in the continuing growth of my own Faith. I too, have made some connections wherein I experienced a withdrawal or rejection because I am commited to respecting the Church's teaching and position on Marriage, though I know in my heart that my Vocation IS to be Married.

And in so far as we are not (yet) "Free to Marry" then we can only truely be seeking friendship and fellowship... until or unless our status changes. And in this process, should two find friendship and later become eligilble for (re)marriage, then it can be so - and done on the wonderful foundation of existing friendship, and fellowship, and shared and followed Faith.

--hide--

David,

Yours is a wonderful message. Rejection is a difficult thing, especially when the ONLY Young Adults group in the area is frequented by an "ex friend" and I'll see her there every week. She was trying hard for marriage, which raised some immediate red flags. There couldn't be just friendship, and I didn't want to waste her time so I let her know where I stood up front. I wish her well with her boyfriend.

It is painful to know I've got to sit on the sidelines for awhile longer, at least, while good ones continue to "get away." Especially with the big 40 looming, things seem hopeless as I attend mass and see all the happy families there, while there is nobody on my horizon. My clock is ticking, too. Like David I know my vocation IS ALSO to be married, and to be a wonderful husband and father. I am learning the value of prayer, PATIENCE, and discernment as I get to know many faithful Catholics and build a new community of friends after a rough couple of years.

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: David, Yours is a wonderful message. Rejection is a difficult thing, especially when the...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

David,

Yours is a wonderful message. Rejection is a difficult thing, especially when the ONLY Young Adults group in the area is frequented by an "ex friend" and I'll see her there every week. She was trying hard for marriage, which raised some immediate red flags. There couldn't be just friendship, and I didn't want to waste her time so I let her know where I stood up front. I wish her well with her boyfriend.

It is painful to know I've got to sit on the sidelines for awhile longer, at least, while good ones continue to "get away." Especially with the big 40 looming, things seem hopeless as I attend mass and see all the happy families there, while there is nobody on my horizon. My clock is ticking, too. Like David I know my vocation IS ALSO to be married, and to be a wonderful husband and father. I am learning the value of prayer, PATIENCE, and discernment as I get to know many faithful Catholics and build a new community of friends after a rough couple of years.

--hide--


Michael, my heart goes out to you in the frustration you feel in your situation. But I do believe it is important not to miss the value of the present moment. Even though it may seem you are missing many opportunities, realize that by focusing a bit too much on the future and other things that are also beyond your control (do you know for sure that you would for certain have a family even if you married now?) that you are also missing the grace of the NOW - where God resides. NOW is where you will encounter the Lord. NOW is where you will feel His presence and come to know him more deeply. Hope it doesn't sound preachy. I am speaking from my own experience of life - trying to control the future, giving hope of having a better past... It is in the NOW where we find PEACE - the peace that the world cannot give. Of all the possibilities I've missed, it is by far the fact that I have missed encountering God in the Present Moment that I regret the most. My attempts to control the future and the past were exercises in futility. Now I have peace. God bless you!

Jan 19th 2013 new

Apparently my last post was too preachy and stalled this thread out. I apologize for letting my "Present Moment" fervor get out of hand. I realize sometimes my spiritual insights do not translate to other people's lives - that's why they're my spiritual insights. Sorry!

Well, the jury's still out for me on whether "seeking friendship only" is the way to go. Sounds like it might help one to get more people to view your profile, but since as Donna said, this moniker is only displayed when a person views your profile, this leads me to the next question: does posting a status of "Seeking Friendship Only" make one more attractive because you no longer care what people think and start posting what you really think in the fora? Perhaps you just become more comfortable with being yourself because you are not impressing anyone? (I obviously don't have any such concern anyway - I've been posting what I think and am probably annoying people. Oh well! tongue) I'm asking because why else would people know to post on your profile?

Anyway, I wouldn't change my status anyway, because it wouldn't be honest. I am looking for more than friendship - although I'd love some more friends too! One can never have too many friends! hug

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Apparently my last post was too preachy and stalled this thread out. I apologize for letting my...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

Apparently my last post was too preachy and stalled this thread out. I apologize for letting my "Present Moment" fervor get out of hand. I realize sometimes my spiritual insights do not translate to other people's lives - that's why they're my spiritual insights. Sorry!

Well, the jury's still out for me on whether "seeking friendship only" is the way to go. Sounds like it might help one to get more people to view your profile, but since as Donna said, this moniker is only displayed when a person views your profile, this leads me to the next question: does posting a status of "Seeking Friendship Only" make one more attractive because you no longer care what people think and start posting what you really think in the fora? Perhaps you just become more comfortable with being yourself because you are not impressing anyone? (I obviously don't have any such concern anyway - I've been posting what I think and am probably annoying people. Oh well! ) I'm asking because why else would people know to post on your profile?

Anyway, I wouldn't change my status anyway, because it wouldn't be honest. I am looking for more than friendship - although I'd love some more friends too! One can never have too many friends!

--hide--


It's intermission, so I have a moment to comment...


I tend to believe that many people choose online dating because it provides the perfect cover for their lack of personal comfort and self-confidence in interacting with other people, particularly those of the opposite sex.


Impressing others to hide who you really are is the perfect recipe for failure. Eventually, the real you will surface, one way or the other.


Is someone with a "seeking friendship only" status more attractive? Who knows. Why are so many single women attracted to married men, and vice versa? Do they consider it a challenge, or are they just that morally depraved that they are attracted to those who are not available? Does that dynamic exist in some form on this site? Maybe. Maybe not. It's a question better answered by the pursuers rather than the pursued.


theheart

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Gee, "friends only" got me in serious trouble with a lady I met here and now...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

Gee, "friends only" got me in serious trouble with a lady I met here and now see at the new Young Adults group I attend. She still won't talk to me despite the fact I made it clear to her from the very beginning--FRIENDS ONLY. I was new to town, going through major upheaval in life, and wanted nothing of romance. Now, she won't talk to me and I get to see her and her boyfriend in Young Adults every week. Hahahahaha. Lovely. She won't ever talk to me again, and I struggle to understand what I did to her. I was only honest from the beginning. She was/is trying very hard to marry... so I wish she and her boyfriend luck, but seems like she's pushing awfully hard.

In my case, I was going through a career change after nearly 15 years on active duty. I had just moved across state to a new place, knew nobody, and didn't have direct contact with my friends across the state. I needed FRIENDS, not romance and the complications it could bring.

And, oh yes, I was NOT ANNULLED and made this very clear to her from the start. I needed friends who could introduce me to a good church, help me find a good place to live, and introduce me to many other faithful Catholics so I could build a community of brothers and sisters. Major career change, a move, loss of military career, and death of my father... all within three months. No, wasn't in a position to even consider dating!

So, those are some of my reasons for FRIENDS ONLY, for now. Ask me again at the end of the month (annulment decision expected by then, praying it will be favorable for remarriage.)

Michael

--hide--


She was probably really hurt when she stopped talking to you. People can't stop their feelings, not matter what someone says or post on thier profile. She is probably totally over it now...but it would be awkward to start talking to you again after a long spell of not talking.

Probably that simple.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: I am curious about those who have this as their profile status. Is this really your reason for ...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:

I am curious about those who have this as their profile status. Is this really your reason for being on CM, or did you by a 6 month package and have decided this during your tenure here? Or have you renewed your membership solely for the purpose of seeking friendship? Has this status impacted (positively or negatively) the number of messages you receive? If it's helping, let us in on the secret! Inquiring minds want to know!

--hide--


Ok, I just changed my status. I am off to Hawaii...but we'll see how many views I get when I come back.


So far the only thing (ironically) that got me views was wearing a mask, but CM deleted that profile pic!

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-695247 said: Ok, I just changed my status. I am off to Hawaii...but we'll see how many views I get...
(Quote) Laura-695247 said:



Ok, I just changed my status. I am off to Hawaii...but we'll see how many views I get when I come back.


So far the only thing (ironically) that got me views was wearing a mask, but CM deleted that profile pic!

--hide--



Awesome. Maybe I'll try that - I'm thinking maybe a Ronald Reagan mask? Or maybe the Incredible Hulk.... Yeah. Sounds fun. mischievous

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: It's intermission, so I have a moment to comment...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


It's intermission, so I have a moment to comment...


I tend to believe that many people choose online dating because it provides the perfect cover for their lack of personal comfort and self-confidence in interacting with other people, particularly those of the opposite sex.


Impressing others to hide who you really are is the perfect recipe for failure. Eventually, the real you will surface, one way or the other.


Is someone with a "seeking friendship only" status more attractive? Who knows. Why are so many single women attracted to married men, and vice versa? Do they consider it a challenge, or are they just that morally depraved that they are attracted to those who are not available? Does that dynamic exist in some form on this site? Maybe. Maybe not. It's a question better answered by the pursuers rather than the pursued.

--hide--


Victor,

After being on CM for awhille now, I think you are correct in your evaluation applying to some, but not all I hope. I did not know about this mindset when joining CM, and was not my purpose for joining. Yes, it's a bit scary, however I'm willing to take the leap.

theheart

Jan 19th 2013 new

Let's see. I have that as my status due to the gift of the Lord given to me is best given the old-fashion way. I came to this service when I moved to a new town due to work. I feel that I am able to enter into a remarkable relationship, which will be told for generations if I can just get the woman to spend time with the relationship too. Every (I do not use that word lightly) woman who has been single (including those twice my age) who has a wonderful personality and has gotten to know me over time regularly such as the weekly dance lessons at the country bar has liked me. But that takes time...like months so she witnesses how I treat her with others around. I have only once dated a woman within days of first meeting her....it ended since I feel there was not a friendship already in place when the first wave hit....when it does the relationship naturally defaults back to a lesser relationship...in that case it was strangers.

Also, I then I went months not using the service but met a woman who, unbeknownst to me at the time, was on the service not seeking friendship but the other ship. I was seeking friendship, she wasn't. That led no where. I am able to genuinely become friends with a woman with no ulterior motive in place. I boast that in the name of the Lord. Amen. If I was seeking romance, I bet I could had dated her in my opinion. Funny, I bet I could had introduced her to some of my man friends that she would had liked. Just like that Bob Seger song "...you don't know who a man knows until you know him." I was not getting responses living in a metro town of one million; I feel it comes down to the shallow WOW factor. If you can wow a woman with your pictures and shameless profile and play a little on the first few dates, then she will compromise herself and off you go to long-term dating....I have seen it happen with those online...that is not me.

Well, my job moved to another town - much smaller. So, I changed my status so to not be in the searches, so if I do meet a woman member here it will be by chance and I know I can't waste time being her friend. I have a chance; If she first receives a message from me, and rejected it, then I have no chance or like Michael written before the dreaded 'D' - drama. In the mean time, I am writing to men here for fellowship. It is easier to meet women as a group then one-on-one. Besides, I can be friends with a woman and even introduce her to one of my friends if there is rejection by either party. Not many folks can do that. I am using the forums and sharpening iron with iron until my subscription ends. I renewed weeks before the move, else I would not have renewed. Folks are hurting. What I have learned when going to a new town is that if you do not reciprocate a woman's desire in your then your toast. As a man I hate not becoming the man to meet a wife; as a woman you dread meeting your man but he does respond the way you want him too, so you just shred his reputation and expel him from the group. Go read my profile if you like; I won't look at yours :)

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said:I tend to believe that many people choose online dating because it provides the perfect cov...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:
I tend to believe that many people choose online dating because it provides the perfect cover for their lack of personal comfort and self-confidence in interacting with other people, particularly those of the opposite sex.

Impressing others to hide who you really are is the perfect recipe for failure. Eventually, the real you will surface, one way or the other.


Is someone with a "seeking friendship only" status more attractive? Who knows. Why are so many single women attracted to married men, and vice versa? Do they consider it a challenge, or are they just that morally depraved that they are attracted to those who are not available? Does that dynamic exist in some form on this site? Maybe. Maybe not. It's a question better answered by the pursuers rather than the pursued.

--hide--


Well, maybe this is a sign that I'm one of those people who need "the perfect cover," but sometimes I feel relieved when I see that someone is "seeking friendship only" because it takes the pressure off of needing to make a decision about keeping in contact. After reading a number of posts from men hurt by women who don't respond to messages and "poofers" who suddenly stop responding, I feel rather pressured when I receive a message from a man to know in advance whether I am interested or not. I don't want to lead him on if I'm not, but how will I know if I don't correspond? So then I find myself being "too honest" and stating that I'm not sure that I feel we are a match, but that I'd be open to messaging if he'd like to be friends. Needless to say, that's a self-defeating way to behave on here. I've decided I'm probably going to stop being so honest and just respond for awhile until I can figure out if I'm interested.

So when I see a man just wants friends, I feel there's no pressure to have to know if I'm interested; I can just be friends. For the most part that's fine when the man is actually open to being friends; but then I've also found some men who state that they're seeking friendship really don't want any friends either. boggled


Bottom line for me: No one is the same. People are going to get hurt no matter what (just like they do in the real world). Life goes on. Do the best you can with a pure motive. heart

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