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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

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"Fear" of phone calls, anyone?

Jan 18th 2013 new

I used to love talking on the phone until I reached high school, ever since then I hate it. My friends know I will probably not answer, my family knows to txt me instead, I refuse to make calls if I can avoid it, I will listen to messages and e-mail the person back, I will drive to a business instead of returning their call, I hate riding passenger in a car in case the driver is called and they ask me to get it for them, it's caused problems in my office- I once left my work phone on straight-to-voicemail for a month. My last relationship (almost 2 years) I never called my boyfriend, except once when I called him back after I missed his call (I didn't -mind- talking to him, but didn't seek it out)

Does anybody else feel this way? Is this an irrational fear, or what? I don't think it's scary, I just don't like it, similar to how I don't like doing the dishes, but to the point I truly avoid it at all costs! I don't know how to tell people "I want to keep in touch with you but don't call me" without sounding like a weirdo.

Jan 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I used to love talking on the phone until I reached high school, ever since then I hate it. My fri...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I used to love talking on the phone until I reached high school, ever since then I hate it. My friends know I will probably not answer, my family knows to txt me instead, I refuse to make calls if I can avoid it, I will listen to messages and e-mail the person back, I will drive to a business instead of returning their call, I hate riding passenger in a car in case the driver is called and they ask me to get it for them, it's caused problems in my office- I once left my work phone on straight-to-voicemail for a month. My last relationship (almost 2 years) I never called my boyfriend, except once when I called him back after I missed his call (I didn't -mind- talking to him, but didn't seek it out)

Does anybody else feel this way? Is this an irrational fear, or what? I don't think it's scary, I just don't like it, similar to how I don't like doing the dishes, but to the point I truly avoid it at all costs! I don't know how to tell people "I want to keep in touch with you but don't call me" without sounding like a weirdo.

--hide--
I have some of that too. I find it difficult at times to make the calls to people. I have no trouble, usually, if they call me, unless I'm in the middle of something else that I don't want interrupted--then I just don't answer the phone. For me, it comes in spurts rather than it being a consistent issue, as it sounds like it is for you, Mary. Part of my issue with the phone, frankly, is that my prior relationship was spent a lot on the phone, and it was mostly unpleasant. Another part is that my house phone has a short cord and I'm limited to where I can be to talk (and I don't want another phone nor can I find a long color cord to match the phone it is), and holding the phone for an extended period hurts my arm. And I really can't stand the talking over each other that happens when we can't see the other person's face to know when they've stopped talking and are not just taking a breath. However, a nice friendship with a CMer is slowly changing my relationship with the phone--that is, I have more positive associations with it than I used to.

OK, if we're weirdos, then so what? We find our ways to coexist with the non-weirdos. laughing

Jan 19th 2013 new

I've gotten to be a bit like that too. Years ago, I would rush to answer when the phone rang. Or, rush to check the machine as soon as I got home. Now it just seems to be such an intrusion each time the phone rings. Now that we have email and texting I think it's easier to avoid actually talking on the phone. If you're at all introverted (like me), it's that much easier to hide out. Of course, I've had fledgling LDRs with multihour phone calls not much different than those I had when I was sixteen too.

Jan 19th 2013 new

I dislike the phone so much that my answering machine says: "Please do not leave a message, these messages are not monitored. Text me at this number."

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I used to love talking on the phone until I reached high school, ever since then I hate it. My fri...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I used to love talking on the phone until I reached high school, ever since then I hate it. My friends know I will probably not answer, my family knows to txt me instead, I refuse to make calls if I can avoid it, I will listen to messages and e-mail the person back, I will drive to a business instead of returning their call, I hate riding passenger in a car in case the driver is called and they ask me to get it for them, it's caused problems in my office- I once left my work phone on straight-to-voicemail for a month. My last relationship (almost 2 years) I never called my boyfriend, except once when I called him back after I missed his call (I didn't -mind- talking to him, but didn't seek it out)

Does anybody else feel this way? Is this an irrational fear, or what? I don't think it's scary, I just don't like it, similar to how I don't like doing the dishes, but to the point I truly avoid it at all costs! I don't know how to tell people "I want to keep in touch with you but don't call me" without sounding like a weirdo.

--hide--


Was there an incident that caused you to change your view of the phone?

I'll write my story in another post.

Jan 19th 2013 new

Growing up, we had a party line. That means our phone had a different ring when it was for us, versus when it was for neighbors.

So, we weren't really supposed to use the phone. My Dad was irritated once because he tried to call home to know what groceries to pick up but the neighbor was tying up the line so long. Basically, the phone was meant for a few minute deal, and if you wanted to have a conversation with someone you should really go see them in person.

I'm the youngest of 8. So, when I was like 4 yrs. old or so, my teenage sister got a phone call, so this was my big moment to ask if I could talk on the phone. Well, what I didn't know is - this was the first time a boy would call my sister on the phone. In those days, it was the only phone and everyone in the house got to listen to your conversation too. So, in order for her to get rid of me, she said "I hate you." Never had anyone used those words in our house - but she was desperate to get rid of me. I never asked to talk on the phone again and I was fearful to use it for good many years.

I feared talking on the phone until I was a teenager and then its not something I'm truly excited about.

The phone has the problem where you can't tell another person's expressions too.

Anyways, I use the telephone fine now. I don't really like to use it for long conversations.

Irrational fears are best confronted, but you can still use other options when they exist in your personal life, skype, texting, email...



Jan 19th 2013 new

I don't fear talking on the phone. I think something must have taken the joy out of it for you. I don't like it as much as I used to but it is sometimes necessary and all we have for contact with another person.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: Growing up, we had a party line. That means our phone had a different ring when it was for us, v...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

Growing up, we had a party line. That means our phone had a different ring when it was for us, versus when it was for neighbors.

So, we weren't really supposed to use the phone. My Dad was irritated once because he tried to call home to know what groceries to pick up but the neighbor was tying up the line so long. Basically, the phone was meant for a few minute deal, and if you wanted to have a conversation with someone you should really go see them in person.

I'm the youngest of 8. So, when I was like 4 yrs. old or so, my teenage sister got a phone call, so this was my big moment to ask if I could talk on the phone. Well, what I didn't know is - this was the first time a boy would call my sister on the phone. In those days, it was the only phone and everyone in the house got to listen to your conversation too. So, in order for her to get rid of me, she said "I hate you." Never had anyone used those words in our house - but she was desperate to get rid of me. I never asked to talk on the phone again and I was fearful to use it for good many years.

I feared talking on the phone until I was a teenager and then its not something I'm truly excited about.

The phone has the problem where you can't tell another person's expressions too.

Anyways, I use the telephone fine now. I don't really like to use it for long conversations.

Irrational fears are best confronted, but you can still use other options when they exist in your personal life, skype, texting, email...



--hide--


Wow that's an awful experience for a child to go through, but I'm glad you got past it and are able to use the phone fine now. I can use the phone alright once I'm on it, it's the initial answering and calling that really gets me.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: Growing up, we had a party line. That means our phone had a different ring when it was for us, v...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

Growing up, we had a party line. That means our phone had a different ring when it was for us, versus when it was for neighbors.

So, we weren't really supposed to use the phone. My Dad was irritated once because he tried to call home to know what groceries to pick up but the neighbor was tying up the line so long. Basically, the phone was meant for a few minute deal, and if you wanted to have a conversation with someone you should really go see them in person.

I'm the youngest of 8. So, when I was like 4 yrs. old or so, my teenage sister got a phone call, so this was my big moment to ask if I could talk on the phone. Well, what I didn't know is - this was the first time a boy would call my sister on the phone. In those days, it was the only phone and everyone in the house got to listen to your conversation too. So, in order for her to get rid of me, she said "I hate you." Never had anyone used those words in our house - but she was desperate to get rid of me. I never asked to talk on the phone again and I was fearful to use it for good many years.

I feared talking on the phone until I was a teenager and then its not something I'm truly excited about.

The phone has the problem where you can't tell another person's expressions too.

Anyways, I use the telephone fine now. I don't really like to use it for long conversations.

Irrational fears are best confronted, but you can still use other options when they exist in your personal life, skype, texting, email...



--hide--


Wow that's an awful experience for a child to go through, but I'm glad you got past it and are able to use the phone fine now. I can use the phone alright once I'm on it, it's the initial answering and calling that really gets me.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: I have some of that too. I find it difficult at times to make the calls to people. I have no troub...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

I have some of that too. I find it difficult at times to make the calls to people. I have no trouble, usually, if they call me, unless I'm in the middle of something else that I don't want interrupted--then I just don't answer the phone. For me, it comes in spurts rather than it being a consistent issue, as it sounds like it is for you, Mary. Part of my issue with the phone, frankly, is that my prior relationship was spent a lot on the phone, and it was mostly unpleasant. Another part is that my house phone has a short cord and I'm limited to where I can be to talk (and I don't want another phone nor can I find a long color cord to match the phone it is), and holding the phone for an extended period hurts my arm. And I really can't stand the talking over each other that happens when we can't see the other person's face to know when they've stopped talking and are not just taking a breath. However, a nice friendship with a CMer is slowly changing my relationship with the phone--that is, I have more positive associations with it than I used to.

OK, if we're weirdos, then so what? We find our ways to coexist with the non-weirdos.

--hide--


Oh yeah holding the phone for so long does get annoying, but I don't mind so much talking on the phone once I am on the phone, I don't constantly look for a way to get off, it's just answering and calling I absolutely hate. I really prefer in person interactions. But at the same time, I prefer TXT messaging to phone calls, which seems even more impersonal. I don't know. But it has definitely affected my work performance in the past, and possibly relationships. Though my friends never seem to judge me for it, they seem to get it...

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