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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Hmmm - Maybe CM could add a line that asks how long folks have been divorced???...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Hmmm - Maybe CM could add a line that asks how long folks have been divorced???? That'd help a lot! I've also run into a

rash of guys lately who are only separated yet post "divorced". UGH!!!

--hide--

That is creepy!

Maybe I'm doing somebody a disservice. Depends on their motivation and character, etc.

Lately though I've been seeing some local couples getting back together after a separation -- and both having been sexually active during the time apart. Making me ill. Why couldn't the new, uh, "partners" keep hands off during that time? Creepy, creepy, creepy.

Jim

Jan 21st 2013 new
(Quote) Jim-149694 said: Why couldn't the new, uh, "partners" keep hands off during that time? Creepy, creepy...
(Quote) Jim-149694 said:



Why couldn't the new, uh, "partners" keep hands off during that time? Creepy, creepy, creepy.



Jim

--hide--


Um, why couldn't the separated persons keep their hands off too? scratchchin
Jan 21st 2013 new

Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna.

The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one of the themes of the thread, kinda messed up in the head. And I was speaking to how people will take advantage of the messed up ones. The predatory males and the all-too-willing-to-comfort females.

And I have personally seen the separated or divorced girls who throw themselves at a guy to get the reassurance they desperately feel they need. How much better to sit her up and talk her into faith and resolve and have her walk out of the room with her strong and sure again? It can be done. Things don't have to be a mess. Things don't have to get worse.

It can be such a blessing to be the first person someone meets. This is why I say it can be a good thing to "date" a recently divorced person or to "date" someone who doesn't have their annulment yet. To protect and strengthen and affirm.

Actually, come to think of it, my last few dates were with my local Catholic lady friend Cathy. Oh my gosh is she cute or what! Yea man. And she needs her short form annulment and is all squared away with doing that now. See, case in point. No misbehavior, all good, and Jim gets seen with a pretty girl.* Heh heh.

:')

NC Jim

*Just a reminder. It is everyone's responsibility to make sure I am seen with pretty girls. Organize yourselves!

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-149694 said: Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna. The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one...
(Quote) Jim-149694 said:

Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna.

The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one of the themes of the thread, kinda messed up in the head. And I was speaking to how people will take advantage of the messed up ones. The predatory males and the all-too-willing-to-comfort females.

And I have personally seen the separated or divorced girls who throw themselves at a guy to get the reassurance they desperately feel they need. How much better to sit her up and talk her into faith and resolve and have her walk out of the room with her strong and sure again? It can be done. Things don't have to be a mess. Things don't have to get worse.

It can be such a blessing to be the first person someone meets. This is why I say it can be a good thing to "date" a recently divorced person or to "date" someone who doesn't have their annulment yet. To protect and strengthen and affirm.

Actually, come to think of it, my last few dates were with my local Catholic lady friend Cathy. Oh my gosh is she cute or what! Yea man. And she needs her short form annulment and is all squared away with doing that now. See, case in point. No misbehavior, all good, and Jim gets seen with a pretty girl.* Heh heh.

:')

NC Jim

*Just a reminder. It is everyone's responsibility to make sure I am seen with pretty girls. Organize yourselves!

--hide--

I guess it just depends on who the person is and how much of a mess they are. I recently was messaging with a guy who's been divorced less than a year and he;s a mess. I'm very patient but after one too many "freak out sessions", I find it's impossible to even be a steady hand and open ear. I think the jumble of emotions gets in the way of allowing someone to just let them lean on them for support. But - to your point, maybe the newly (pretty) divorced woman are different as it seems you haven't expressed dealing with that kind of chaos.

Jan 21st 2013 new
(Quote) Jim-149694 said: Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna. The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one of ...
(Quote) Jim-149694 said:

Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna.



The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one of the themes of the thread, kinda messed up in the head. And I was speaking to how people will take advantage of the messed up ones. The predatory males and the all-too-willing-to-comfort females.



And I have personally seen the separated or divorced girls who throw themselves at a guy to get the reassurance they desperately feel they need. How much better to sit her up and talk her into faith and resolve and have her walk out of the room with her strong and sure again? It can be done. Things don't have to be a mess. Things don't have to get worse.



It can be such a blessing to be the first person someone meets. This is why I say it can be a good thing to "date" a recently divorced person or to "date" someone who doesn't have their annulment yet. To protect and strengthen and affirm.



Actually, come to think of it, my last few dates were with my local Catholic lady friend Cathy. Oh my gosh is she cute or what! Yea man. And she needs her short form annulment and is all squared away with doing that now. See, case in point. No misbehavior, all good, and Jim gets seen with a pretty girl.* Heh heh.



:')



NC Jim



*Just a reminder. It is everyone's responsibility to make sure I am seen with pretty girls. Organize yourselves!



--hide--


You have a very kind, compassionate and understanding heart Jim, God bless you!

And I will bring up this organization of which you speak in the Pinkie Room . . . .BRACE YOURSELF!
Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-149694 said: Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna. The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one...
(Quote) Jim-149694 said:

Oh, yes, quite right. Thank you Joanna.

The answer is that they were idiots. And, as per one of the themes of the thread, kinda messed up in the head. And I was speaking to how people will take advantage of the messed up ones. The predatory males and the all-too-willing-to-comfort females.

And I have personally seen the separated or divorced girls who throw themselves at a guy to get the reassurance they desperately feel they need. How much better to sit her up and talk her into faith and resolve and have her walk out of the room with her strong and sure again? It can be done. Things don't have to be a mess. Things don't have to get worse.

It can be such a blessing to be the first person someone meets. This is why I say it can be a good thing to "date" a recently divorced person or to "date" someone who doesn't have their annulment yet. To protect and strengthen and affirm.

Actually, come to think of it, my last few dates were with my local Catholic lady friend Cathy. Oh my gosh is she cute or what! Yea man. And she needs her short form annulment and is all squared away with doing that now. See, case in point. No misbehavior, all good, and Jim gets seen with a pretty girl.* Heh heh.

:')

NC Jim

*Just a reminder. It is everyone's responsibility to make sure I am seen with pretty girls. Organize yourselves!

--hide--


Same ole Jim..I see nothing has changed.. laughing

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: You have a very kind, compassionate and understanding heart Jim, God bless you! And I w...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:

You have a very kind, compassionate and understanding heart Jim, God bless you!

And I will bring up this organization of which you speak in the Pinkie Room . . . .BRACE YOURSELF!
--hide--


clap ROFL!!

Jun 1st 2013 new
(quote) Susie-890857 said: Hmmm - Maybe CM could add a line that asks how long folks have been divorced???? That'd help a lot! I've also run into a rash of guys lately who are only separated yet post "divorced". UGH!!!
I don't know. My ink hasn't been dry that long but the process took well over a year. I think when you are ready to date and the intensity level are all dependent on so many factors. I'm not looking to get married tomorrow, but I also don't want to date men who don't have marriage potential. So here I am. If God sent him to me today, I'd be ready.
Jun 1st 2013 new
(quote) Jim-149694 said: Hi Susie, I've read somewhere that it takes 30% of the time one is in a relationship to get over the relationship. I have found this to be surprisingly true. But some other thoughts come to mind that make me lean in the direction of relating to people as soon as may be. And we are setting aside for the moment discussion of "dating" when we haven't that annulment finalized. So let's run with the word "relating" instead of "dating". Though, actually, the rules of behavior for pre and post annulment are pretty much the same. Basically, we should be relating to the recently divorced if only because isolation is a bad thing. People need reassurance and help in processing and we are not suppose to be ignoring people when they need help. Of course we may not be the individual to do the helping and we should discern if or when we should distance ourselves. Also, suppose you meet your God-ordained person and he/she is recently divorced? I get you that he/she would be a mess but do we honestly want him/her processing things with someone else? Not me. There are people who prey on the recently divorced. Thoughts of mine ... probably semi-worthless to a woman because your experience with divorced men has to be way different from my experience with divorced women. Still, if you believe that meeting people happens for a reason it should make us careful who we reject. As a hard and fast rule I mean. :') NC Jim
Nice :)
Jun 1st 2013 new
About 6 weeks after my husband told me that our marriage was over, I was blessed to be able to attend a 6-week Divorce and Beyond recovery program. I am a person who likes to research & learn all I can about a new situation, so I read voraciously and sought out all the other learning experiences that were available. One of the best experiences I had was attending the NACSDC Conference at Notre Dame (North American Conference of Separated/Divorced Catholics). The very first keynote speaker was Dorothy Levesque who had many years experience leading support groups for those suffering loss in relationships. The image of her stressing the following principle will be etched in my memory forever: "Don't even think about dating until at least 2 years after the loss!"

I will qualify this principle in view of variables such as the time one has devoted to going through the grieving process. If someone has participated in a recovery program such as D & B or Divorce Care, has had counseling to address unsolved issues, has invested time in prayer & seeking forgiveness, they may well be ready to enter the dating world. If you are not healed, you will attract unhealthy people. If you are not healed, you will drive away healthy people as evidenced by several people posting here.

Just a few weeks after my husband's announcement, I met someone who had been divorced for many years. When she spoke, I could hear the unresolved anger & resentment that was still seething inside her. Even though I was raw with grief myself, I resolved that I would never end up like this unhappy woman.

The Lord led me into divorce ministry & I was blessed to use my situation to help others recover.
In regard to the widowed, I would say that the same healing steps need to be gone through before dating.
It all depends on the amount of time and effort you invest in getting well.

How about this analogy?
I had 2 knee replacement surgeries this past year. After each surgery, I had to go through a slow process of healing before I could get out & about. I had to RECOVER with the help of trained therapists to develop the strength & stamina needed to return to normal activity. What if I tried to walk without the step-by-step exercises, without the expertise of the therapists, the use of the walker then the cane? Healing is a process, sometimes slower for some than for others, but in the end it is worth it!
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