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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personality, looks, values, etc..is illogical.

For me the person needs to be attractive (looks), mesh with my personality, and share my faith/values. I cannot imagine dating somone, and I have attempted, who only shares my faith/values but I'm not attracted to them or we don't quite mesh personality wise or even 2 of the 3.

thoughts?

Jan 27th 2013 new

I think that as long as we don't have unrealistic expectations, it is okay not to settle. Forever is a very long time and I cannot imagine spending it with someone who isn't easy to be around, doesn't "get me" or who I'm not attracted to. While a shared faith is the most important thing, and it is rare to find that these days, I don't think one of these things has to be exclusive to the others. If we are truly trying to seek, recognize and do God's will and not our own, then He will take care of the rest. If our vocation is marriage He will open those doors for us. Don't expect perfection, but don't settle either.

Jan 27th 2013 new

I agree, perfection is not possible except for God.

But elements of all of those 3 categories need to be present. With that said however, they don't need to fit a mould in those categories but you should be attracted to them, maybe they shouldn't be 'supermodels' but some physical appeal. There should be some connection when it comes to personality, it can't always be awkward when you speak, maybe doesn't have to feel like the person is your perverbial soulmate but need to click. Am I off?

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-144650 said: I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personalit...
(Quote) Brian-144650 said:

I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personality, looks, values, etc..is illogical.

For me the person needs to be attractive (looks), mesh with my personality, and share my faith/values. I cannot imagine dating somone, and I have attempted, who only shares my faith/values but I'm not attracted to them or we don't quite mesh personality wise or even 2 of the 3.

thoughts?

--hide--

I think that it is a natural desire to have the person be attractive physically to you. I also need attraction on the mental and emotional level; basically the whole package. There are so many facets to marriage and one of the important ones is procreation. I personally know that I would not want to share that aspect with someone that I was not attracted to. I think that what is attractive to you or me may not be the same for everyone but the bottom line is that physical attraction is important.

Jan 27th 2013 new

A similar question was raised maybe a couple months ago and the discussion spiraled into a choice between physical attributes and religious beliefs as if both are exclusive and can not co-exist. My position has been the same: physical attributes spark the initial attraction, personality and shared beliefs sustain the flame.

Jan 27th 2013 new

Addendum to my earlier post: it won't hurt too if both parties, when they are already in a relationship, strive not only for perfection of their faith, but also maintain themselve physically attractive for each other.

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-144650 said: I agree, perfection is not possible except for God. But elements of all of those 3 categor...
(Quote) Brian-144650 said:

I agree, perfection is not possible except for God.

But elements of all of those 3 categories need to be present. With that said however, they don't need to fit a mould in those categories but you should be attracted to them, maybe they shouldn't be 'supermodels' but some physical appeal. There should be some connection when it comes to personality, it can't always be awkward when you speak, maybe doesn't have to feel like the person is your perverbial soulmate but need to click. Am I off?me

--hide--


I agree some people may place more emphasis in one area or another but I think it's the joining of all three areas that causes that "click". It's what brings attraction with the full package, not just looks or faith... I've met men whose faith lives I truly admire, but am just not physically attracted to them at all, or men that I find very good looking and am attracted to, but upon getting to know them better I find that it's only physicality. John Paul II in "Love and Responsibility" speaks of love as being attracted to the person, not just the attributes.

Jan 27th 2013 new
(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said: Addendum to my earlier post: it won't hurt too if both parties, when they are already in a relationship,...
(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said:

Addendum to my earlier post: it won't hurt too if both parties, when they are already in a relationship, strive not only for perfection of their faith, but also maintain themselve physically attractive for each other.

--hide--


My dad once gave me a bit of advise: "A fur coat for the body does not offset the shoddy apparel of the mind", which, when I forget that, has brought me to grief.

I recently had a relationship with a woman who I can only describe as absolutely stunningly beautiful in the classic sense. Think Catherine Zeta Jones (for me, ok?); lithe, beautiful eyes, stunning figure (at the age of 58, ok?), everything visual that a guy could hope for. The inside reality? Really, truly, manifestly messed up. A broken marriage (annulled) from 20 some odd years ago still expressed with resentment, two broken engagements on her part after cohabitating with the guys (one for 17 years), outwardly 'Catholic' with a potty mouth when upset, and discovered her head was in the bottle before noon.

No matter how beautiful, that absolutely stunningly beautiful (yany breathing male's head would have turned had she walked into a room, really) woman had an interior which was NOT desirable, nor could I see myself waking up to that.

Sorry to be blunt. I forgot my dad's advice, to my detriment. Live and learn.
Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: My dad once gave me a bit of advise: "A fur coat for the body does not offset the shoddy appa...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

My dad once gave me a bit of advise: "A fur coat for the body does not offset the shoddy apparel of the mind", which, when I forget that, has brought me to grief.

I recently had a relationship with a woman who I can only describe as absolutely stunningly beautiful in the classic sense. Think Catherine Zeta Jones (for me, ok?); lithe, beautiful eyes, stunning figure (at the age of 58, ok?), everything visual that a guy could hope for. The inside reality? Really, truly, manifestly messed up. A broken marriage (annulled) from 20 some odd years ago still expressed with resentment, two broken engagements on her part after cohabitating with the guys (one for 17 years), outwardly 'Catholic' with a potty mouth when upset, and discovered her head was in the bottle before noon.

No matter how beautiful, that absolutely stunningly beautiful (yany breathing male's head would have turned had she walked into a room, really) woman had an interior which was NOT desirable, nor could I see myself waking up to that.

Sorry to be blunt. I forgot my dad's advice, to my detriment. Live and learn.
--hide--

I am sorry to hear what you've been thru. To correlate your experience with my initial stand on the issue, I would say, while her physical attributes provided sparks of continued attraction, unfortunately, there was a lack of faith and personality in the woman (as referenced to in your experience) that could have sustained your relationship. I too will not continue a relationship just based on physical beauty if the woman lacks the personality and faith values I adhere to. But does that mean I discount the importance of physical attributes as an ingredient of the relationship? My answer is no.

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: My dad once gave me a bit of advise: "A fur coat for the body does not offset the shoddy appa...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

My dad once gave me a bit of advise: "A fur coat for the body does not offset the shoddy apparel of the mind", which, when I forget that, has brought me to grief.

I recently had a relationship with a woman who I can only describe as absolutely stunningly beautiful in the classic sense. Think Catherine Zeta Jones (for me, ok?); lithe, beautiful eyes, stunning figure (at the age of 58, ok?), everything visual that a guy could hope for. The inside reality? Really, truly, manifestly messed up. A broken marriage (annulled) from 20 some odd years ago still expressed with resentment, two broken engagements on her part after cohabitating with the guys (one for 17 years), outwardly 'Catholic' with a potty mouth when upset, and discovered her head was in the bottle before noon.

No matter how beautiful, that absolutely stunningly beautiful (yany breathing male's head would have turned had she walked into a room, really) woman had an interior which was NOT desirable, nor could I see myself waking up to that.

Sorry to be blunt. I forgot my dad's advice, to my detriment. Live and learn.
--hide--
Imagine her true beauty when she becomes the woman she's meant to be. When she has healed up inside, realises her true value and start living accordingly. Don't you want to be able to say hello to her then?

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