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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Weird Question

01/27/2013 new

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

01/27/2013 new
(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having child...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--


I believe the Catholic Church requires a married couple to be open to having thir own children, and not do anything to prevent it. Presuming your medical condition was not something you did, by design (result of some illness is not something you might control), I don't think you would have a problem with the church. The part where your potential husband would object (he wants his own kids, not adopted ones) is his choice. You should not take it as you being defective, but a sign that he is not the one for you, and there is someone else who is.
01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: I believe the Catholic Church requires a married couple to be open to having thir own children, ...
(Quote) Chris-280015 said:

I believe the Catholic Church requires a married couple to be open to having thir own children, and not do anything to prevent it. Presuming your medical condition was not something you did, by design (result of some illness is not something you might control), I don't think you would have a problem with the church. The part where your potential husband would object (he wants his own kids, not adopted ones) is his choice. You should not take it as you being defective, but a sign that he is not the one for you, and there is someone else who is.
--hide--

Chris, I understand and fully accept the Church's teaching regarding a married couple having their own biological children and not engaging in any sort of artificial birth control. My medical condition is a result of an illness that is out of my control, which unfortunately has resulted in my inability to have biological children. I understand that it is his choice as to whether or not he can accept that... but I guess that is the part that stings a bit. I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.

01/27/2013 new
Of course you're acceptable what kind of idiot would say anything different sorry that kind of thing just burns me up. The fact that you can't have children at least biological children due to some sort of illness does not preclude you from being a member of the church and anybody that says differently well they just don't understand what the church really teaches. Hang in there dear lady you'll find somebody.
01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--


Emily, please don't imagine that you are any less of a woman! Not even for a single moment.


I imagine that it would be difficult to know that you can never bear children biologically, and more difficult still to share with a potential match. Infertility for various reasons is more common than you would guess. The more singles and couples that I meet who struggle with infertility, the less judgemental I become. Infertility is heartbreaking, but good can come out of your situation! It sounds like you have an understanding of the necessity of being open to life and are beautifully interested in adoption.


Your medical condition is out of your control. I know many women with PCOS who are unable to conceive, but live with an openness to life and to love. You are no less acceptable to God or to the Church.

01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's e...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.

--hide--


Not only are you "acceptable," you are BEAUTIFUL. You possess inherent dignity. You are worthwhile! Anyone who tells you any different is not worth your time or energy.

01/27/2013 new

Thank you, everyone, for your kind and affirming words. This is the reason why I feel blessed to be a part of the CM community!

01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--

Everybody has something wrong with them physically. It might be bad eyesight, or less than perfect hand-eye coordination. In might be something obvious like a skin blemish, or a club foot or an oddly shapped nose. It might be something invisible like a a defective heart valve, or a cyst deep within the body. None of that makes anybody less human or less of a woman or less of a man.

I'm sure it's frustrating to not be able to have kids of your own (biologically), but don't let that frustration make you think of it as a moral problem instead of a medical one.

01/27/2013 new

(Quote) John-336509 said: Everybody has something wrong with them physically. It might be bad eyesight, or less tha...
(Quote) John-336509 said:

Everybody has something wrong with them physically. It might be bad eyesight, or less than perfect hand-eye coordination. In might be something obvious like a skin blemish, or a club foot or an oddly shapped nose. It might be something invisible like a a defective heart valve, or a cyst deep within the body. None of that makes anybody less human or less of a woman or less of a man.

I'm sure it's frustrating to not be able to have kids of your own (biologically), but don't let that frustration make you think of it as a moral problem instead of a medical one.

--hide--


I'm with John on this one. We all have something physically going on. Take me for example. Genetically I'm more closely related to Neanderthals than to modern humans, thus I'm Dan the Caveman.

Not sure what happened with you and the CM person you were talking to, but as pointed out by everyone previously, the Church and God are good with you not being able to have children. Adoption is beautiful and honorable and just as acceptable as giving birth. If a guy doesn't want to adopt then he's not the one for you and move on to the next. biggrin

01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--


Dear Emily: I think that your desire to have a child is a natural and wonderful thing. If your medical condition prevents you from having your own biological child, I believe it is equally wonderful to adopt a child to love and nurture, and I feel that in the eyes of God, you would be fulfilling a beautiful act, since you are choosing to love and nurture a child that may not otherwise receive that love and nurturing from anyone else. I don't see how that could be reproachable in any way. I am sure than God will help you select the right child for you and you will also be the right mother to him or her. Go ahead with your fulfilling this desire. You and the man that you choose to help you raise this child will receive many blessings from God, as well as many blessings that this child will bring into your life. Good luck to you.

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