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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Hi all! It's amazing to me those who really aren't open to more children and the husband who will accept your children from the previous marriage and be open to expanding the family. I realize the economy has dictated lots of things, but really...when I think of how the average family spends money...I think you all know what i'm talking about...priorities, priorities...

Any thoughts?

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Ronique-499294 said: Hi all! It's amazing to me those who really aren't open to more children and the husban...
(Quote) Ronique-499294 said:

Hi all! It's amazing to me those who really aren't open to more children and the husband who will accept your children from the previous marriage and be open to expanding the family. I realize the economy has dictated lots of things, but really...when I think of how the average family spends money...I think you all know what i'm talking about...priorities, priorities...

Any thoughts?

--hide--


While I have not yet run into the situation of blending families or even introducing families, I have watched and learned from my ex-husband's experiences which amount to - too much, too far, too fast. His series of girlfriends have come over (and stayed over) with their children from previous relationships/marriages. The result is a feeling of complete disgust and resentment on the part of my older children and confusion on the part of my younger children. The relationships failed after a few months, and my children are relieved not to have strangers taking over their home. He's presented the example of what not to do.

As Catholics, maybe just as moral human beings, we know that rushing in full bore is a very bad idea, especially with children in the picture. I only speak for myself, but I would be very hesitant to introduce my children to someone I was dating - at least not until I was certain the relationship would result in marriage. They have been through enough. I know, for myself, I need to keep things very simple.

I'll keep an eye on this thread because I'd like to see how people feel about blending their existing families together and being open to life. Yes, economic factors come into serious play, and child support, and rivalries, and so on... and some serious thought and prayer has to go into the decision! Is it God's will or is it just...complicated?



Jan 27th 2013 new

Hi Ronique, My name is Kevin and I just wanted to share my experience with you, I was married (not in a church) several years ago. I knew her, she was my neighbour and I was Godfather to one of her daughters, she had 3. We decided to get married and we had a son between us. I can not speak for all men-only myself. I welcomed her 3 daughters and loved them as my own. Our son grew up with 3 half-sisters who he accepted as simply his sisters,which they were. We were what people refer to as a blended family. To me the girls were just as much mine as if I had fathered them. I love them all dearly and entered the marriage knowing that my wife (now ex) came with 3 daughters. It was a package deal so to say. To love one was to love and accept them all. I am 10 years now divorced but still those 3 girls who are now in their 20's still keep in touch. All I can say to you that maybe children scare away some men,, but there are some of us who accept a woman AND her children as one. God has a reason for everything and to me, those 3 neglected,abandoned (by the father) girls knew what love and family meant for at least part of their life. Any man who does not accept your children as part of you is not worth your time. A family is how people live and are raised, not necessarily strictly biologically. Many men can father a child but not all can be a father to them. Don't settle for any man who does not accept the whole package of you and your children. Your true soul-mate will love and accept all of you. God Bless-Kevin

Jan 27th 2013 new

Kevin, I think that shows great courage and strength of character. How do you think you might have chosen if you also had children from a prior marriage or relationship? Would she have accepted your "package" as well?

Jan 28th 2013 new

Alice, in my ex-wifes case I am not sure what she would have accepted or done. But I did have one serious relationship after her for 4 years with a woman who had a daughter just a couple years older then my son. Both of us accepted each others child as if they were our own, but the kids were like fire and water, boy and girl, both teenagers with their own lives, about half the time they got along great and the other half they were completely at odds with each other. so each situation is different. If one has children and the other doesn't as in my 'marriage' then that is one thing. but when both have children the thoughts and feelings of the children also have to come into play. Some people don't want to enter a relationship at all if their partner has children, some are willing, when both have children then that's a whole different story. Plus the age of the children comes into play also. There is no cut and dry answer. It depends on the character of all involved.

Jan 28th 2013 new

I keep praying my son will latch onto wanting a puppy. My six year old is constantly asking if I can get him a baby brother or sister, he says he could share his room because the baby could just keep toys in a crib and he wouldn't mind if it cried. He is a sweet kiddo and after hearing somewhere how people can drop off babies at the fire station he keeps wanting to stop by and see if they have babies "nobody wants" that we can just take home. I love my son, but sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry at some of the things he comes up with, usually in a public place.

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: I keep praying my son will latch onto wanting a puppy. My six year old is constantly asking i...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

I keep praying my son will latch onto wanting a puppy. My six year old is constantly asking if I can get him a baby brother or sister, he says he could share his room because the baby could just keep toys in a crib and he wouldn't mind if it cried. He is a sweet kiddo and after hearing somewhere how people can drop off babies at the fire station he keeps wanting to stop by and see if they have babies "nobody wants" that we can just take home. I love my son, but sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry at some of the things he comes up with, usually in a public place.

--hide--
He sounds like a fine boy! Don't cry.

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: I keep praying my son will latch onto wanting a puppy. My six year old is constantly asking i...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

I keep praying my son will latch onto wanting a puppy. My six year old is constantly asking if I can get him a baby brother or sister, he says he could share his room because the baby could just keep toys in a crib and he wouldn't mind if it cried. He is a sweet kiddo and after hearing somewhere how people can drop off babies at the fire station he keeps wanting to stop by and see if they have babies "nobody wants" that we can just take home. I love my son, but sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry at some of the things he comes up with, usually in a public place.

--hide--


Out of the mouth of babes. Yes, public places seem to be ground zero for some of the most interesting family conversations. Yes, buy him a puppy and be thankful that he doesn't want a Komoto Dragon (unlike my 5 yr old daughter who saw one at the zoo and thought it to be quite the most awesome critter ever).

flower

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Kevin-938565 said: Alice, in my ex-wifes case I am not sure what she would have accepted or done. But I did have one...
(Quote) Kevin-938565 said:

Alice, in my ex-wifes case I am not sure what she would have accepted or done. But I did have one serious relationship after her for 4 years with a woman who had a daughter just a couple years older then my son. Both of us accepted each others child as if they were our own, but the kids were like fire and water, boy and girl, both teenagers with their own lives, about half the time they got along great and the other half they were completely at odds with each other. so each situation is different. If one has children and the other doesn't as in my 'marriage' then that is one thing. but when both have children the thoughts and feelings of the children also have to come into play. Some people don't want to enter a relationship at all if their partner has children, some are willing, when both have children then that's a whole different story. Plus the age of the children comes into play also. There is no cut and dry answer. It depends on the character of all involved.

--hide--


Right, my kids could not get along with my ex's ex-girlfriend's children (try saying that 10 times fast) and, after having been through that a few times now, I think they've pretty much had it with grown-ups and their bad behavior! So much would have to click into place for teens down to a 5 yr old. It's not necessarily impossible, just highly improbable.


Am I being a stick in the mud? Maybe I need to go watch the original "Yours, Mine, and Ours" with Lucille Ball. Excellent movie to blend families by!

Jan 28th 2013 new

laughing Maybe if I keep showing him puppies he'll quit trying to point out all the "forgotten" babies in the store. (I have explained several times that babies in the car carriers in shopping baskets are not up for grabs, but he still checks.)

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