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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said:I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.
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The physical ability to bear children does not make a woman a mother. In my work I have encountered many women who bear children that are not able to handle being a mother. Your ability to love, parent, and show a child God's love for them makes you "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Stephanie-450440 said: The physical ability to bear children does not make a woman a mother. In my...
(Quote) Stephanie-450440 said:

The physical ability to bear children does not make a woman a mother. In my work I have encountered many women who bear children that are not able to handle being a mother. Your ability to love, parent, and show a child God's love for them makes you "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.

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Nice point!

Jan 28th 2013 new

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know the problem isn't with me. I'm confident the right man is out there for me. It's just frustrating that I was made to feel less because of something out of my control. Thanks everyone.

Jan 28th 2013 new

You are not one iota less a woman because of this, whether you neither have children due to biology nor adopt them within the context of a marriage. There are countless other ways that your womanhood/femininity and gifts are expressed and enrich the world. (In any event, regarding the question of children, it would maybe be good to somehow attract the men who are happy not to have children or are happy to adopt in order that you may avoid getting unnecessarily hurt as mentioned in your second post. Also, any man who has a problem with your medical condition and its consequences is absolutely not the partner for you and the problem is actually on his end.) Anyway, the question of fertility or infertility in a marriage (or adopting or not adopting in the latter case) does not affect someone’s standing in the church. You might want to talk with a priest or two about this, as they can allay your concerns.

Jan 28th 2013 new
(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having child...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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What dolt of a man would even think that? Sheesh...my sister was incapable of conceiving...and she and her husband of almost 25 years have 2 adopted teens running around the house. They don't love each other any less for the dice roll of biology which they were dealt; any man who values you as a potential partner less because of your condition isn't worth even an iota of your time or emotional effort. Under the bus with him and look forward to the Real Man who accepts you as you are, a blessed daughter of the Almighty.
Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Tim-734178 said: Of course you're acceptable what kind of idiot would say anything different sorry that kind of thing j...
(Quote) Tim-734178 said: Of course you're acceptable what kind of idiot would say anything different sorry that kind of thing just burns me up. The fact that you can't have children at least biological children due to some sort of illness does not preclude you from being a member of the church and anybody that says differently well they just don't understand what the church really teaches. Hang in there dear lady you'll find somebody.
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biggrin Praying clap

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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Without question, it does not make you less acceptable to God that you cannot have children of your own flesh. What would make you less acceptable to God might be that you don't take your gifts and your desire to be a parent, and become a wonderful mother for an adopted child after you find your future husband. You are a daughter of God, regardless whether you can have your own children.

The Catholic church, I would hope, would encourage you in using your gifts and desires to fully share with others the kind of love upon which our Catholic faith is supposed to be based.

Many women can have children of their own, but the fact is that ALL children are God's and He trusts us (Catholic adults) in helping to care for them and start them on the right path as they mature to adulthood. Use your gifts to be the best mother that you can be to one of our Lord's little children, who may have no biological parents of his or her own.

Blessings,

Michael

Jan 28th 2013 new

Emily, I am right there with you..I do not have any living children...not due to anything I did. And now I am a widow. People ask me all the time why don't you have any children...I guess God had other plans for me. Now my family are all up in heaven together and I have to wait down here. Sorry off on a tangent ....don't let anybody get to you...there are ignorant people everywhere. God will bring you your ONE!flower Praying

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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It is possible that this isn't a reason that there was negative/no response. Perhaps the member didn't feel a connection regardless of this fact, unless of course, he came right out and said that was the reason.

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Chris, I understand and fully accept the Church's teaching regarding a married coupl...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Chris, I understand and fully accept the Church's teaching regarding a married couple having their own biological children and not engaging in any sort of artificial birth control. My medical condition is a result of an illness that is out of my control, which unfortunately has resulted in my inability to have biological children. I understand that it is his choice as to whether or not he can accept that... but I guess that is the part that stings a bit. I was just concerned as to whether or not I am still "acceptable" in the Church's eyes.

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Sometimes we overreact, overthink and get overly concerned about what we perceive as a shortcoming. There are many people (both men and women) who, for medical reasons, cannot have children. Is being "acceptable" something of your own way of thinking, or have people actually said/done things to make you feel inferior? Certainly the Church could not be critical of this.

You obviously are open to creating new life, but aren't physically able to do so. Does that diminish your status as a person? As a woman? No -- far from it. We don't fully understand a lot about fertility, but obviously the Good Lord has His reason for allowing it. Perhaps, as you say, it will be to adopt a child who would otherwise be shuffled around in the foster care system or worse. In a caring home, an adopted child feels wanted. You can provide a solid foundation for the child, and that's what parenting is about. The adoption aspect will fade into the background as time passes. After all, the child is yours in every sense of the word except biological. Sadly, some biological parents are not up to the task; adoptive parents welcome it.

It's natural to feel somewhat down on yourself, but it's really an undeserved self-criticism. Society has a way of producing some discomfort in this area, but that certainly isn't right.

Hold you head up high and realize you are equally deserving of a loving husband. There are so many ways you can become involved with children other than adoption. Foster care would be one; participating in various volunteer programs that help children is another way. So many opportunities that are suitable to your calling.

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