Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--

Absolutely no, on all three questions!

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--

Emily, you are a darling. I like your profile. It seems to me that, first of all, if a woman is unable to bear children and yet has the desire to open her heart and home to adoption, that she is still, in a way, open to life and to God's will. You've accepted one of the worst tradgedies that can befall a woman, and you've excepted it gracefully and sweetly. It isn't your choice as it is something that you've got no control over in the first place. You are an example of quiet acceptance of God's will, and that is inspiring to me, as it should also be to any man who is intersted in you. It speaks volumes of your character.

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me le...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church?

--hide--

No and no, in that order.

That being said, some men may wish to have their own biological children. If that is the case, they are not the right person for you -- just the same as if there were some other incompatibility -- it is not an indication there is anything wrong with you.

One qualification to the first answer:

I assume you are physically unable to bear children. The answer is a bit different if you have a genetic disorder and are able to bear children but do not wish to do so due to the risk of passing that disorder on to your children.

In such situations it may, depending on the circumstances, be morally acceptable to use NFP permanently to avoid pregnancy; however, you must be open to a pregnancy if it does occur. If you are absolutely closed to this possibility, then marriage is not an option for you unless you marry a man who is infertile.

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--
Emily,

I heard this amazing story on the Christian radio station about a pastor and his wife who just adopted five children and more than doubled the size of their family. They saw in a subject line 'need parents' or something like that and couldn't get the kids out of their minds. Clearly, it didn't matter to them to love any less because these children weren't "biological". Clearly God put them in their hearts and urged them to fulfill his call. I think He does that for us....whether we listen or not is up to us. I think you are listening and I hope you find the man who is also listening...who will love you for you and open his heart to God's will for both of you. It is rare to find a good man, much less a good man who will consider adobption. I hope you can find this. If not, I know there are many children in the world that need even one good parent. My sister's friend, who could financially aford it, adopted one little girl from China where girls are readily discarded and changed her life forever. I'm not sure if you can afford it, but if you can this is another option. My sister's friend is a very good Catholic woman too and I know that child will have opportunities and a life that she never would have had otherwise. I'd much rather a good single Catholic woman adopt a child for the right reasons then gay or lesbian couples which is becoming more and more prevalent now and I believe can cause the child much confusion growing up. Well, I digressed...point is that all women lose the ability to have children sooner or later, but it doesn't stop us from serving our Lord in another way....indeed, even for women who think they know they can have kids...anything can happen....and adoption might be their only alternative too....a man needs to go into a relationship for the purpose of helping each other to attain salvation on whatever road God takes them not just with the idea of procreating because it isn't guaranteed...yes, we have to be open to it and want it but it isn't guaranteed for anyone and we can't discard a spouse just because of it....just my two cents

Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Emily-747525 said: Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of...
(Quote) Emily-747525 said:

Something has been bugging me about the interaction I had recently with a CM member. The topic of having children came up, and I expressed that, due to a pre-existing medical condition, I can't have children, though I do want to adopt. I am truly heartbroken that I can't have children of my own, but that's a different story. My question is two-fold: does it make me any less of a woman that I can't have biological children? Does it make me less acceptable to God and the Catholic church? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

--hide--


Emily, if I were to say, "Yes, your being unable to have biological kids makes you less of a woman," what would your reaction be? Would you meekly think, "Ok, Maggie...I guess you're right..." or would you be more inclined to think, "Dang, Maggie! Who do you think you are saying something that hateful???"


I'm guessing you'd fall into the latter category, and rightly so. Assuming my guess is correct, that would mean you already know the answer to the first part of your question.


As to the second part, have you ever seen a person with Down Syndrome or autism? How about a quadraplegic? Do you suppose they are somehow less acceptable to God and His Church because of their afflictions?


Of course not! Silly!


Remember also that you, as a willing and hopeful adopter, can show your openness to life in a more profound way than you think. You can literally SAVE a child, or even many children! If that's not a silver lining, I don't know what is!

I'm very sorry for your loss, Emily. I really am. I pray that you are able to fully embrace the REASONS for it. God knows what He's doing, and I believe when it involves fertility, God has very special children in mind who need saving, and He's choosing their saviors.




Jan 28th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: One qualification to the first answer: I assume you are physically unable to bear children....
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

One qualification to the first answer:

I assume you are physically unable to bear children. The answer is a bit different if you have a genetic disorder and are able to bear children but do not wish to do so due to the risk of passing that disorder on to your children.

In such situations it may, depending on the circumstances, be morally acceptable to use NFP permanently to avoid pregnancy; however, you must be open to a pregnancy if it does occur. If you are absolutely closed to this possibility, then marriage is not an option for you unless you marry a man who is infertile.

--hide--
Not to belittle your knowledge of church teachings in any way, shape or form, but don't you agree that it's better if we laymen left this type of answer to the clergy? Interpretation of doctrins can be a tricky matter. Please, feel free to provide a reference for the facts in your answer.

Jan 28th 2013 new

I know someone who was told she could probably never have kids who is currently with child. biggrin

Jan 28th 2013 new

Emily,


I too have a medical condition that leaves me unable to have children. I too feel that I am being called to adoption when I meet the right guy. I believe that it does not make you less of a woman and the right guy for you will accept you for the beautiful person that you are and will be open to adoption as well.

Posts 21 - 28 of 28