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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is th...
(Quote) Patrick


I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?

--hide--

What about two mature Single people, who just happen to like each other, regardless of their ages?

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Jan 30th 2013 new

I think that is fine. For the record, I am not saying there is anything wrong with a man NOT dating a younger woman. I am simply posing the question should men of a certain age date younger women if they have no children of their own? Plus, I am referring more specifically to men around the ages of 35-50. Men over 50 should probably concern themselves more about just finding someone rather than bringing in a new child.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: (Quote) Patrick I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 somethi...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

Quote:
Patrick


I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


What about two mature Single people, who just happen to like each other, regardless of their ages?

--hide--
Ditto

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


--hide--


Patrick this topic has come up on the forums for as long as there has been a forums laughing

I have to scratchchin with all of these men who want younger women on line, especially when they specifically have in their profile that they are seeking someone there own age wide eyed

I know many couples where there is an age difference IRL and made wonderful marriages. Meeting someone IRL and connecting from the first glance or the first introduction is a lot different than on line. Even when people are the same age, there is often a lot of hesitancy's.

I have brought this up before but my bf husband died over 20 years ago and was left with a 9 month old, 3 years old and a 5 year old. I was there practically every other weekend. When she had a hip replacement at 42 I went down and stayed the week, because she couldn't get out of bed. I was chief, cook and bottle washer. Her eldest son was always difficult because a lot of the anger he had towards his fater's death, he transferred to me. It is wonderful to be single and want to have children way after your 40 plus years of age but it is another story to actually know what it entail. You can't decide after a child is here and you enter into the struggle that you don't want it any more. Most men who are 40 plus and that have children wouldn't want t start over again with children because they knows what it takes. Maybe all these men who write in their profile, that are 40 plus that are looking for someone who can have their children with them, rethink it and just search for the right match.

You "cougars" should take at least 2 or more children for 2 weeks like a summer away camp and rough it with them by cooking cleaning and separating them from their fighting, etc. and find out what it is like having them with you 24 hours and enter into what it means to be a parent. It is one thing to give them back at th end of the day or know in x amount of hour it is over.

What about these young women who get these emails and correspondence and they look at the profile and say I don't want to date my father shhh Then the guy gets offended and the young lady is at fault because they rejected his communication.

Again most May December marriages that I have seen did not happen in the first moment or over the computer but rather IRL and interaction and building the relationship first hand.

Let me ask you fellas, how many of you would be comfortable if it was your daughter, sister, etc. was getting emails from a 45 year old man plus and your daughter was 27. Would you encourage her to pursue something scratchchin Yes there are some women who do want an older relation ship but the majority of women that are in their 20 and 30's are looking for someone within their own age bracket.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

[quote]Mary-25961 said:


Again most May December marriages that I have seen did not happen in the first moment or over the computer but rather IRL and interaction and building the relationship first hand.

Let me ask you fellas, how many of you would be comfortable if it was your daughter, sister, etc. was getting emails from a 45 year old man plus and your daughter was 27. Would you encourage her to pursue something [\quote]

Mary - you are very wise in how May - December reationships can begin in your 1st paragraph above. Plus, they can even begin online.

Your 2nd paragraph, I had a 27-yo daughter, and she fell in-love w/ a 45-yo...Go For It!!!!

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


--hide--

The problem with your premise is that there is no guarantee that HE can father a child..Just as there is no guarantee that any 30 year old can become pregnant.. That is the real elephant in the room..


My daughter and her husband have close friends that were married in their 20's.. They are now in their mid 30's..She's a teacher, he a police officer.. They have been through extensive fertility testing and it's determined there is no visible reason why they have not been blessed with a baby.. Month after heartbreaking month no baby comes.

I have a BIL that is about 5 years younger than me.. He was married once early in his 20's, a marriage that didn't last long due to some health issues on her part, mental and physical. No children (I heard she went on to have 2 girls in her second marriage).. When he married for the second time he ahd his wife first decided they would not do anything heroic to have children..Eventually though they decided to have fertility testing done.. It was found that his 'little swimmers' were lacking enough motility to be effective..But her tubes were so severely blocked she would never be able to have children..Her behavior after the diagnosis became so depressed and shut down that she begged for a divorce..As far as she was concerned adoption was completely a No.. He went on to meet a woman who lived local to him that had three young kids.. He has been the most incredible father to those kids..

So who are you to suggest that those kids aren't good enough for your friend to parent?

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Jan 30th 2013 new

TYPO corrections - Mary - you are very wise in how May - December relationships can begin in your 1st paragraph above. Plus, they can even begin online.

Your 2nd paragraph, IF I had a 27-yo daughter or sister, and she fell in-love w/ a 45-yo...Go For It!!!!

LOCKED
Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date young...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?
--hide--


I must not have paid attention in biology. I was under the impression that mid 30 something and 40 something women were able to bear children.

LOCKED
Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


--hide--


Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in their early 50's can successfully have a baby or babies. Does fertility decline with age - yes to some degree, but as Donna said women and men in their 20's and 30's can be infertile or have reduced fertility. The bigger issue over age 35 is that the risk of genetic defects increases such as Down's Syndrome. But, this does not just have to do with the woman, the man's genetic contribution also has more risk as he ages. And, of course, if either party is infertile, there are so many wonderful children out there that would love to have a mother and father - adoption is an excellent option.

It is far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God, whether the person is your age, older, or younger, than to be looking in essence for someone to have your baby. Many of those marriages end in divorce within a couple years. I have talked to many men who married a woman much younger, had a baby, and then divorced within a couple years because the age difference was too much, they had nothing in common, the woman's attention was focused on the child, etc. (these are the reasons the men told me, I'm not making them up). Fortunately, some of these men have now learned from this experience and are now looking for a woman closer to their own age, but to be divorced when your child is so young really is a huge cost to place on that child for the man's (and woman's) mistake and misjudgement in marrying with such a large age difference, in addition to the pain and difficulty it also costs both parents in trying to parent this child when they are divorced.

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