(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:
Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:
Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
The problem with this topic whenever it is discussed it seems to get caught up so much in emotion - rather than reality. For starters, I understand that a woman can still pregnant until menopause and there despite men being able to father children into a late age, that each individual man is fertile nor does that mean that I think a 60 year old men should start seeking 30 year women to see if they can make a baby.
I dealt with facts: a woman's fertility starts decreasing at 35 or so (generally speaking) up to menopause. I understand, like men, each woman's fertility is different. Second, I did NOT suggest a man should date woman only because of fertility nor that a man should NOT date any woman thought to be infertile. I was more posing a question a basic life mostly to men, who do not currently have children of their own and would still like to father a biological child.
I myself, am 34, and could date women a little older, get married and still have biological children. Yes, it is possible. Yet, I understand the reality id I were to marry some 5 to 10 years younger, the time frame, generally speaking, is longer to have biological kids. Is it certain? Obviously not - I could be turn out to be infertile myself. Futhermore, if I was dating someone I really like and found out she was infertile, it would be cruel and unusual punishment to dump her just for that reason and vice versa.
Having said all that, I know that I want to have biological children so I do generally seek women a little younger for the most part to increase this chance. Certainly, that is NOT the only criteria as I have been on dates with women in their 40's. But, it is something that I can't help but think about.
As for my friend, I think I explained the scenario quite well. If he is happy, fine. Yet, bascially is he did decide to marry this woman, he is giving up any chance to have biological children. I suppose that was something he had to come to terms with when he first started dating this woman. Futhermore, both this woman's kids are older and their father is still an active part of their lives, so it would NOT be the same as adopting as anothe post suggest. For the record, I am very pro adoption and obviously that is always an option, but that doesn't change the sacrifice of giving up any chance to father a biological child.
I really wasn't advocating one way or the other. Just sharing thoughts that I have and I am sure other guys have as well. I wish whenever this topic is discussed women wouldn't get so upset. It is just reality of nature.
Hi Patrick! If I may.... I've read all the posts in this thread. I in no way mean to speak for you. With that said, what I gathered from your posts is that you are concerned for your friend's "lifestyle" decision. Going the way of his relatively same-age girlfriend denotes one lifestyle choice - marrying into a premade family without the probability of having biological children of his own. If he goes the other way, he would be making the lifestyle choice of a more traditional family - one mom, one dad, and biological or adopted children of their own. You want to be certain, for him, that he is making the right one because in a Catholic marriage it is supposed to be until death do us part.
Actually, I think you are a good friend for contemplating this on his behalf, especially if he asks you for advice down the road. It's good that you are pondering this for yourself, as well, as you are getting a little older yourself. I also understand the posts of the women. There are many reasons to reject a person - I won't even attempt to list them here. Unfortunately, alot of us more mature ladies can feel rejected for our age. Sometimes, we feel we can't "compete" with the younger women - on a variety of levels and too many and different to list here - one of them, though, is definitely biological. Yet, we still have so much to give to the right man in a loving relationship!
My theater arts instructor lives here in the US six months out of the year; she lives in Italy the other six months. She told me that what bothers her the most about being in the US is that, as an older woman, she feels invisible. That's not the case in Europe. Women are still considered valuable, worthwhile, sexy, and I could go on.... Women, no matter what their age, still want to feel desireable to a man (and not just for friendship!) Best, Chelle