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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Jan 30th 2013 new
(Quote) Kathy-730470 said: If your friend is dating a woman he likes and she is in her 40's what is wrong with that? He is also in his...
(Quote) Kathy-730470 said:

If your friend is dating a woman he likes and she is in her 40's what is wrong with that? He is also in his 40's. You say why not date a woman in her 30's well why would you think that women in their 30's would want to date a 46 year old man? I think that if two people like each other then who is to say they shouldn't.

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I've heard a friend of mine once said that we are who we date. I didn't quite get it then, but after realizing that people want happiness above any kind of comfort, I began to understand why it is important for a relationship to have a "give and take," scenario. Whatever one lacks, the other provides. Regardless of age from both parties (male or female) the issue of children I believe is always critical in a relationship. Those who don't want kids may have a darn good reason why, the same goes with those who'd like otherwise.

A coleague of mine in the martial arts, left his wife for his secretary because of the 'biological clock" syndrome. His secretary is divorced and have kids, and wants to have more.Quite foolish...the scriptures, I think may put it diffrently.
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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
The problem with this topic whenever it is discussed it seems to get caught up so much in emotion - rather than reality. For starters, I understand that a woman can still pregnant until menopause and there despite men being able to father children into a late age, that each individual man is fertile nor does that mean that I think a 60 year old men should start seeking 30 year women to see if they can make a baby.


I dealt with facts: a woman's fertility starts decreasing at 35 or so (generally speaking) up to menopause. I understand, like men, each woman's fertility is different. Second, I did NOT suggest a man should date woman only because of fertility nor that a man should NOT date any woman thought to be infertile. I was more posing a question a basic life mostly to men, who do not currently have children of their own and would still like to father a biological child.

I myself, am 34, and could date women a little older, get married and still have biological children. Yes, it is possible. Yet, I understand the reality id I were to marry some 5 to 10 years younger, the time frame, generally speaking, is longer to have biological kids. Is it certain? Obviously not - I could be turn out to be infertile myself. Futhermore, if I was dating someone I really like and found out she was infertile, it would be cruel and unusual punishment to dump her just for that reason and vice versa.

Having said all that, I know that I want to have biological children so I do generally seek women a little younger for the most part to increase this chance. Certainly, that is NOT the only criteria as I have been on dates with women in their 40's. But, it is something that I can't help but think about.

As for my friend, I think I explained the scenario quite well. If he is happy, fine. Yet, bascially is he did decide to marry this woman, he is giving up any chance to have biological children. I suppose that was something he had to come to terms with when he first started dating this woman. Futhermore, both this woman's kids are older and their father is still an active part of their lives, so it would NOT be the same as adopting as anothe post suggest. For the record, I am very pro adoption and obviously that is always an option, but that doesn't change the sacrifice of giving up any chance to father a biological child.

I really wasn't advocating one way or the other. Just sharing thoughts that I have and I am sure other guys have as well. I wish whenever this topic is discussed women wouldn't get so upset. It is just reality of nature.





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Patrick, you don't see how your opinion is offensive. I know you don't mean to be. But, you have written, " They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time?" The man is into this woman, why even worry about it? You are pushing your own feelings onto what you think he MAY be feeling some time down the road. He's in his mid 40's. If he doesn't know what he wants by then, well he could be single the rest of his life. Don't complicate things for him, or HER.

Cat

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: You're suggesting the older, healthy man who seldom has doctor appointments should reco...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

You're suggesting the older, healthy man who seldom has doctor appointments should reconsider his relationship w/ a younger woman who has health issues? Don't tell that to a 91-yo healthy man lovingly caring for his ill 60-yo wife - true story - one of those wonderful exceptions.

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Not at all, Bob. Like you said, a wonderful exception!

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: My cousin, at 27, married a 42 year old and had a wonderful marriage. They were a great and holy m...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

My cousin, at 27, married a 42 year old and had a wonderful marriage. They were a great and holy match. I think that is what is important. Are they good for each other's eternity?
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Yes and my sister's bf who I knew since I was a baby wa 19 and married a man 42 who was a widower, raised his 3 children through teenage years and had 2 girls of her own. He died a couple of years ago at 83 and they had a wonderful marraige.

My point that there are not wonderful May December marriages. Yet when people do not honor and respect what a woman writes in her profile that she is not intereted in someone outside of her age bracket and yet gets emails and emotes from gentlemen sometimes old enough to be their father it is disturbing for them. I still stand by what I stated and that chemistry in a May Decedmber relationship is much more difficult on line v IRL, unless the girl is interested in a man that is 15 plus years older than her by his profile.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

[quote]Cat-163322 said:



Patrick, you don't see how your opinion is offensive. I know you don't mean to be. But, you have written, " They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time?" The man is into this woman, why even worry about it? You are pushing your own feelings onto what you think he MAY be feeling some time down the road. He's in his mid 40's. If he doesn't know what he wants by then, well he could be single the rest of his life. Don't complicate things for him, or HER.

I am NOT going to get in the way of their relationship. Any person can date any person they want. I admit the word "mistake" was probably too strong of word - I wish I had stated it differently. Mistake should probably be replaced by "is he making the best decision?" Maybe he is maybe he isnt - I dont know. Yet, if he has come to terms with not having biological children of his own, fine - I don't have a problem with that. Yet, if he does marry this woman - he will never have biological children and although I do not think that is tragedy by any means nor do I think that any person man or woman should NOT date someone just because of that reason, it is something that many men of his age should think about.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

Infertility is not just a woman's problem. Just had to put my two-cents in.

My younger sister has had fertility problems for the last five years and unfortunately 4 miscarriages. After some surgeries she has just now come out with some good news. She is in her 2nd trimester and is excited and scared and can't believe she is actually this far along.

So I need prayers that this goes through for them both safetly as they would make the best parents. She is 35 and healthy as an ox but went through some major hardships with infertility! Praying


Also, just one more thing, Patrick, if your friend is happy with someone his own age, why would that be a problem with you? You noticed I say YOU, right. First of all, 46 is no young buck for him either. Maybe he cares for this woman and her children. So instead of doubting his relationship, be happy for them.

I am sure you will change your tune in a few years if you are still on this dating site or you will be in the dreaded 40+ and unmarried and wondering why some young 20 and/or 30-year-olds don't want to date you sad eyepopping laughing No, I don't wish that for you of course wink

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Jan 30th 2013 new

Infertility is not just a woman's problem. Just had to put my two-cents in.

My younger sister has had fertility problems for the last five years and unfortunately 4 miscarriages. After some surgeries she has just now come out with some good news. She is in her 2nd trimester and is excited and scared and can't believe she is actually this far along.

So I need prayers that this goes through for them both safetly as they would make the best parents. She is 35 and healthy as an ox but went through some major hardships with infertility! Praying


Also, just one more thing, Patrick, if your friend is happy with someone his own age, why would that be a problem with you? You noticed I say YOU, right. First of all, 46 is no young buck for him either. Maybe he cares for this woman and her children. So instead of doubting his relationship, be happy for them.

I am sure you will change your tune in a few years if you are still on this dating site or you will be in the dreaded 40+ and unmarried and wondering why some young 20 and/or 30-year-olds don't want to date you sad eyepopping laughing No, I don't wish that for you of course wink

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Maggie-918313 said: Not at all, Bob. Like you said, a wonderful exception!
(Quote) Maggie-918313 said:


Not at all, Bob. Like you said, a wonderful exception!

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Bingo. One never knows. I was leaving the Apt Fitness Center tonite when another "regular" was arriving for the treadmill (I'm elliptical). We've seen each other several times at the Fitness Center, but seldom talk. There's a certain look in a woman's eyes that lets a man know immediately of a woman's interest of some kind.

I saw that look tonite, and thought "Oh Oh". She's young, probably 30 - 35, but it looks like there's a non-online friend possibility. I'll talk w/ her next time I see her.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
The problem with this topic whenever it is discussed it seems to get caught up so much in emotion - rather than reality. For starters, I understand that a woman can still pregnant until menopause and there despite men being able to father children into a late age, that each individual man is fertile nor does that mean that I think a 60 year old men should start seeking 30 year women to see if they can make a baby.


I dealt with facts: a woman's fertility starts decreasing at 35 or so (generally speaking) up to menopause. I understand, like men, each woman's fertility is different. Second, I did NOT suggest a man should date woman only because of fertility nor that a man should NOT date any woman thought to be infertile. I was more posing a question a basic life mostly to men, who do not currently have children of their own and would still like to father a biological child.

I myself, am 34, and could date women a little older, get married and still have biological children. Yes, it is possible. Yet, I understand the reality id I were to marry some 5 to 10 years younger, the time frame, generally speaking, is longer to have biological kids. Is it certain? Obviously not - I could be turn out to be infertile myself. Futhermore, if I was dating someone I really like and found out she was infertile, it would be cruel and unusual punishment to dump her just for that reason and vice versa.

Having said all that, I know that I want to have biological children so I do generally seek women a little younger for the most part to increase this chance. Certainly, that is NOT the only criteria as I have been on dates with women in their 40's. But, it is something that I can't help but think about.

As for my friend, I think I explained the scenario quite well. If he is happy, fine. Yet, bascially is he did decide to marry this woman, he is giving up any chance to have biological children. I suppose that was something he had to come to terms with when he first started dating this woman. Futhermore, both this woman's kids are older and their father is still an active part of their lives, so it would NOT be the same as adopting as anothe post suggest. For the record, I am very pro adoption and obviously that is always an option, but that doesn't change the sacrifice of giving up any chance to father a biological child.

I really wasn't advocating one way or the other. Just sharing thoughts that I have and I am sure other guys have as well. I wish whenever this topic is discussed women wouldn't get so upset. It is just reality of nature.





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Hi Patrick! If I may.... I've read all the posts in this thread. I in no way mean to speak for you. With that said, what I gathered from your posts is that you are concerned for your friend's "lifestyle" decision. Going the way of his relatively same-age girlfriend denotes one lifestyle choice - marrying into a premade family without the probability of having biological children of his own. If he goes the other way, he would be making the lifestyle choice of a more traditional family - one mom, one dad, and biological or adopted children of their own. You want to be certain, for him, that he is making the right one because in a Catholic marriage it is supposed to be until death do us part.

Actually, I think you are a good friend for contemplating this on his behalf, especially if he asks you for advice down the road. It's good that you are pondering this for yourself, as well, as you are getting a little older yourself. I also understand the posts of the women. There are many reasons to reject a person - I won't even attempt to list them here. Unfortunately, alot of us more mature ladies can feel rejected for our age. Sometimes, we feel we can't "compete" with the younger women - on a variety of levels and too many and different to list here - one of them, though, is definitely biological. Yet, we still have so much to give to the right man in a loving relationship!

My theater arts instructor lives here in the US six months out of the year; she lives in Italy the other six months. She told me that what bothers her the most about being in the US is that, as an older woman, she feels invisible. That's not the case in Europe. Women are still considered valuable, worthwhile, sexy, and I could go on.... Women, no matter what their age, still want to feel desireable to a man (and not just for friendship!) Best, Chelle

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Jan 30th 2013 new

Maybe your friend does not want to have children at 46? Did he tell you that he wanted to have children of his own or is this something that would be important to you if you were him??? Not everyone wants children. Even if your friend would like to have children of his own he is 46 and that does not guarantee that he would have children even if he was married to a woman in her 30's. Age does not guarantee anything. There are many young couples who are unable to have children.

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