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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


--hide--

I find it creey when an older guy 15 years plus broweses me and even creepier when they send me a message. I already have a great father I'm not looking for another one. That said everyone has their preferences and should date whomever they feel comfortable with regardless of age. My preference is close to my own age but I've know many others who prefered older or younger and it seemed to work for them. As to the child bearing issue that again is a personal preference though why a guy 46 plus want to have children at his age is a mystery to me their a lot of work and it's better to do that when you're younger. Also why not adopt?

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Ann-69118 said: I find it creey when an older guy 15 years plus broweses me and ev...
(Quote) Ann-69118 said:

I find it creey when an older guy 15 years plus broweses me and even creepier when they send me a message. I already have a great father I'm not looking for another one. That said everyone has their preferences and should date whomever they feel comfortable with regardless of age. My preference is close to my own age but I've know many others who prefered older or younger and it seemed to work for them. As to the child bearing issue that again is a personal preference though why a guy 46 plus want to have children at his age is a mystery to me their a lot of work and it's better to do that when you're younger. Also why not adopt?

--hide--
Everyone has their own criteria,however, to call it creepy is a bit dramatic.My sister was happily married to to her husband who was 17 years older than her.She died of Cancer three years ago at almost 56 years old.He is still living.They were a good match and happy.I think for a woman who is in her twenties,5 to 10 years older maximum.Over 40 yrs old, it's a whole different scenario.Many men age really well. smile

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Bernard-2709 said: Everyone has their own criteria,however, to call it creepy is a bit dramatic.My sister was happil...
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said:

Everyone has their own criteria,however, to call it creepy is a bit dramatic.My sister was happily married to to her husband who was 17 years older than her.She died of Cancer three years ago at almost 56 years old.He is still living.They were a good match and happy.I think for a woman who is in her twenties,5 to 10 years older maximum.Over 40 yrs old, it's a whole different scenario.Many men age really well.

--hide--


Actually, I've found that many men age really poorly (especially after meeting several men this year ages 64-68 some of whom couldn't even keep up walking down a few blocks of city streets (and I had slowed down my pace) without getting out of breath and seeming like they might have a heart attack (lucky that I'm a physician!)). In fact, I have not met one man over the age of 63who seems to be in reasonably decent shape for his age - hopefully there are a few out there!

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Jan 31st 2013 new

I cannot understand for the life of me, the profound fascination individuals have with other people's choice for a spouse. Does it really matter ? Is it going to effect us personally on a negative basis ? Are we obligated to live with their mistakes should things turn out badly for them ? certainly not ! Individuals choose the person THEY find fascinating, and lovable. I hardly doubt they care what others think ! I know I wouldn't ! My suggestion, focus your concern, and energy on your own romantic quest, and finally why not simply live and let live !

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Jan 31st 2013 new

[quote]Ann-69118 said:

Well, I hope your dad is more than 15 year
older than you.. if not, that is great he still turned out to be a great
father... I think when you get older age becomes less of an issue but you are
certainly free to date whomever you please, but I don't think you should label
any guy 15+ years or older as automatically creepy....





If someone doesn't want to have kids at age 46 or wants to adopt, that is fine.
I would imagine that someone who is 46 who doesn't currently havge children
probably wouldn't want anymore in most cases. But if someone doesn't already
have children and wants them at age 46, what is wrong with that? Yes, children
are hard work at any age and 46 is lot different than 64... yes, I would agree
that would probably be too old.

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: I cannot understand for the life of me, the profound fascination individuals have with other peo...
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

I cannot understand for the life of me, the profound fascination individuals have with other people's choice for a spouse. Does it really matter ? Is it going to effect us personally on a negative basis ? Are we obligated to live with their mistakes should things turn out badly for them ? certainly not ! Individuals choose the person THEY find fascinating, and lovable. I hardly doubt they care what others think ! I know I wouldn't ! My suggestion, focus your concern, and energy on your own romantic quest, and finally why not simply live and let live !

--hide--


The guy is my friend.. I would be a jerk NOT to care on atleast some level...... I can assure you that I am far more concerned about any future wife I may have (God willing) than if this respective woman ends up becoming this guy's wife.....

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Jan 31st 2013 new

Hi Patricia, I regret to say I've had the same kind of experience, and all I can think of is why ? It's never too late to make significant improvements, but it does require the dreaded M word - Motivation. So are we to conclude that these individuals have simply abandoned the idea of romance, or perhaps ( naively ) they believe that supply and demand dictates they don't have to put forth the effort to impress. shocked

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

What do you think Ms. Patricia ?

Sheila scratchchin faint

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: Is it going to effect us personally on a negative basis ?
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

Is it going to effect us personally on a negative basis ?

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Actually, this is exactly why many of the middle-aged and older women are so outspoken on this matter: they perceive their choices are being limited because of the perception that many men in their age ranges are interested only/primarily in younger women. (While it is clearly the case that some men fall into this category, what's not clear, anecdotal reports notwithstanding, what portion of the men fall into this category.)

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Jan 31st 2013 new

Admirable thought Patrick, however entirely irrelevant, perhaps you should simply try supporting him. I'm willing to wager if you polled the divorced members on CM if they ( retrospectively ) could have been persuaded to abandoned their respective spouses by anyone, (other than God himself ) the resounding response would be NO ! I apologize if my candor has offended you in any way.

Sheila

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: Hi Patricia, I regret to say I've had the same kind of experience, and all I can think of is...
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

Hi Patricia, I regret to say I've had the same kind of experience, and all I can think of is why ? It's never too late to make significant improvements, but it does require the dreaded M word - Motivation. So are we to conclude that these individuals have simply abandoned the idea of romance, or perhaps ( naively ) they believe that supply and demand dictates they don't have to put forth the effort to impress.

What do you think Ms. Patricia ?

Sheila

--hide--


Hi Sheila, as to why they don't put forth the effort to exercise (at least walk) and eat healthfully and "court" a woman, I honestly don't know. My thoughts though are that they think they are fine just as they are (overweight or out-of-shape) or don't even realize they are out-of-shape. Also, I think they don't honestly realize that they have aged and will not be attractive to a woman who is much younger, much more in-shape, and goes out of her way to ask them questions about themselves (when they rarely if ever ask her about herself). Perhaps there are so many women vs. men at older ages (especially in urban areas) that the laws of supply and demand are in effect and they will find someone who will be interested in trying to form a relationship with them, but what I've really seen is that these men who were 60 years old on here 7 years ago are mostly still on here but now they are 67 and getting to the point where I honestly don't feel they will end up getting married (whether it be for the first time, or second time - widowed or annulled). I would suggest that these older gentlemen might want to be a bit more realistic in who they pursue (if you could call it that)or do some work on themselves (as every single woman I know does - physically, health-wise, psychologically, and intellectually) if they really want to end up in a relationship leading to possible marriage. Just my opinion (I don't want to offend any of the older gentlemen, but I am telling you here what I have experienced and observed, and my analysis of that - if you are that inshape older gentleman looking for someone around your own age, there are many of us ladies here that would be happy to hear from you!)

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