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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said: Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive peo...
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said:

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

--hide--

I can sympathize Cynthia. My husband would have done some serious bodily damage to anyone who had shown me the disrespect of such language or actions. I was shocked the first time it happened and thought maybe I was misreading the words. Even here on CM, I have been shocked at a message or two I received. It makes me wonder what in the world some men are thinking. How would they have felt if their mother or deceased wife had been talked to like that? I tend to freeze when this happens and avoid the person as much as possible.

I was jokingly called a "cold fish" in high school and I guess I've gotten the same name or equal to now. I felt protected when my husband was alive. This issue was one of the biggest shocks I had after he died and the feeling of being unprotected made and makes my stomach turn even now. I have toughened up some, but behind the strong facade is the woman I really am who wishes she didn't have to act so tough. I don't know the answer. I do surround myself with family and friends who are to some degree very protective. But the more time passes, everyone seems to think I have somehow managed to adjust and toughen up...thus the "I am woman watch me roar facade" when necessary. But, showing that tough side does wear me out. I'll look forward to how others handle it.


- Elizabeth

Jan 6th 2013 new

Unfortunately this has happened to me as well. I can think of several instances and two of them involved married men-yuck. It was like they forgot that they were married just because I am now single. One guy followed me into my garage and told me how pretty I was and asked if I did anything different to my hair-his wife (my casual friend) was about 15 feet away with their two small kids. I told him-hmm not really-maybe I washed it this week. Then I handed him the bag of trash and said well as long as you are here maybe you are trash=whoops I mean maybe you can take the trash out.


I guess because of this it has taken this long to finally get the courage to go online to meet people. I do feel like I am exposing myself and maybe taking a risk but I have no idea how to really meet people in everyday situations-it is just not happening.


As women we have to be extra careful. I will tell a girlfriend where I am going if I meet someone online and I will meet in a public place. I am careful not to give out any personal information right away until I have a sense if the person is ok. I wish I did not have to be this vigilant, but this is the world we live in now.

Jan 19th 2013 new
I am amazed that there are so few replies to this post!!! Maybe we just are too embarrassed by our naivety when it first happened to talk about it, maybe we would rather forget the experiences ever happened at all, or maybe we don't know quite how to word it so that we don't sound crude ourselves. BUT, it does happen too many widows soon after losing their spouse. I remember an 86 year old man who 'copped a feel' thinking I hadn't "had it in awhile" and might appreciate it. That wasn't even as bad as the couched phrases thrown my way that could be sworn off by the sender as "I didn't mean it the way she took it, she's just a crazy widow " This is the worst part, having the blame thrown back at you, often times by women. I've had women even question my use of make up and if I wasn't going to the local ballgames looking for "young blood". It was a rude awakening to the cold hard fact that it is not a pleasant world out there and sex still rules in some people's hearts, and so does jealousy. If adultery weren't so prevalent in our society, widows would be cared for the way the Bible asks it of us. Biggest SIGH of my widowhood.
Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said: Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive peo...
(Quote) Cynthia-838348 said:

Since becoming a widow, almost 5 years ago, I have met some truely wonderful and supportive people.

However, I've also met some genuine disgusting types who must think that my pants are burning off. This has led to some of the nastiest / gross come ons and facial expressions from people that a few years ago I would have punched if they had suggested something like that to my face. Now I just feel profoundly sorry for these pathetic individuals. Is anyone else having to deal with unwanted attractions, just because they are widowed? If so how do you stop it, because quite frankly, my husband would have instructed me to keep the thumb to the outside and continue hitting until they were on the ground. A broken jaw, prevents broken language.

--hide--


My compasion to you all for having to deal with those advances - it is inexcusable - and I can only image the insensitivity and ignorance (and selfeshness) of those men. Hopefully, they are not involved in your lives. At times I reflect upon, what if I had passed away and my wife was here to raise our three sons. It is painful to image that she would have been treated this way. If it is within your needs to seek a man in your future, do not settle. You are stronger than most people in this world due to the crosses you carry, and you deserve the best that life has to offer. Best wishes and prayers to you all!

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: I am amazed that there are so few replies to this post!!! Maybe we just are too embarrassed by our naive...
(Quote) Karen-712407 said: I am amazed that there are so few replies to this post!!! Maybe we just are too embarrassed by our naivety when it first happened to talk about it, maybe we would rather forget the experiences ever happened at all, or maybe we don't know quite how to word it so that we don't sound crude ourselves. BUT, it does happen too many widows soon after losing their spouse. I remember an 86 year old man who 'copped a feel' thinking I hadn't "had it in awhile" and might appreciate it. That wasn't even as bad as the couched phrases thrown my way that could be sworn off by the sender as "I didn't mean it the way she took it, she's just a crazy widow " This is the worst part, having the blame thrown back at you, often times by women. I've had women even question my use of make up and if I wasn't going to the local ballgames looking for "young blood". It was a rude awakening to the cold hard fact that it is not a pleasant world out there and sex still rules in some people's hearts, and so does jealousy. If adultery weren't so prevalent in our society, widows would be cared for the way the Bible asks it of us. Biggest SIGH of my widowhood.
--hide--
Hi Karen, wave hug

You hit the nail on the head with this post. It is embarrassing to talk about, but I had this happen to me as well. Let's just say that the jack-hole I was out with never got a second date. I was stunned at his crude remarks about me being a widow and how he was willing to take care of my needs, as he was sure I missed that part of a relationship having been widowed for so long. Trust me, he didn't say it quite like that.

But no worries.....I was not eloquent in my response to him either. Needless to say, the date ended with me leaving him sitting in the restaurant to enjoy his meal by himself. rolling eyes

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Hi Karen, You hit the nail on the head with this post. It is embarrassing to talk...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Hi Karen,

You hit the nail on the head with this post. It is embarrassing to talk about, but I had this happen to me as well. Let's just say that the jack-hole I was out with never got a second date. I was stunned at his crude remarks about me being a widow and how he was willing to take care of my needs, as he was sure I missed that part of a relationship having been widowed for so long. Trust me, he didn't say it quite like that.

But no worries.....I was not eloquent in my response to him either. Needless to say, the date ended with me leaving him sitting in the restaurant to enjoy his meal by himself.

--hide--
Gee, Linda, I hope you managed to get your dinner in a carry-out carton.....

Just because the guy was rude, crude, and lewd, is that a reason to abandon him??? tongue

Seriously, there is no excuse for that kind of behavior, and it gives the good guys (the majority, fortunately) a bad name.

Sad -- pathetic.

You and the others who have posted here can certainly do better!!! Keep looking -- someone will find you eventually.

Jan 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Gee, Linda, I hope you managed to get your dinner in a carry-out carton..... Just because th...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Gee, Linda, I hope you managed to get your dinner in a carry-out carton.....

Just because the guy was rude, crude, and lewd, is that a reason to abandon him???

Seriously, there is no excuse for that kind of behavior, and it gives the good guys (the majority, fortunately) a bad name.

Sad -- pathetic.

You and the others who have posted here can certainly do better!!! Keep looking -- someone will find you eventually.

--hide--
No carry out for me, for some reason I had lost my appetite. wink

BTW....I have done better!!! wink shhh

Jan 19th 2013 new

Thank you Gary and Ray for your compassion and knighthood, knight-errant
Thank you Linda for lightening up an uggggggllly subject, laughing
Thank you Elizabeth and Theresa for sharing examples that show how true this is rose rose
and to you Cynthia for having the courage to start this thread. Bow

Feb 3rd 2013 new

I don't want to laugh, dear, but I read this and thought, "I should be so lucky!"

hug

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