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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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When you take the ring off ?

Feb 5th 2013 new

So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles and I wanted to get folks thoughts on when do you take your wedding ring off. Did folks feel comfortable after certain amout of time ? Do you wait for your first face to face date as I assume the date will not go well if you have your wedding ring on ?

Feb 5th 2013 new

If you are wearing a ring, I don't think any CM woman will go near you.


That said, I felt ready to remove my ring after 6 months but I kept it on for a full year because my older kids were very close to their dad and I figured they'd resent it. The day I took it off, my six-year old asked, "Why aren't you wearing your ring?" Immediately the older kids' heads went up with fire in their eyes. I said, "Because I'm not married" and that was the end of that.


If you have kids, or close in-laws, take their feeling under consideration. And don't rush yourself!

Feb 5th 2013 new

Marge thank for your thoughts. I will defintely take my ring off before the first date and yeah I heard that 6 months is typical. I also understand the family dynamics.

Feb 5th 2013 new

It used to be that the period of mourning was a year and a day. Now, I think it is more appropriate that grieving ends when the surviving spouse is ready for it to end. I am not concerned that someone may feel it disrespectful of me to begin dating at whatever time I choose to do so. The proper time to honor and respect one's wife is while she is living.


The wedding ring is a symbol of the marriage and that marriage ended when the spouse died ('til death do us part). That said, it is difficult to not continue wearing the ring. My ring is nearly a part of me, having worn it pretty much continuously for almost 18 years. Some days I feel her close to me and it is a comfort to touch the ring, to look at it and remember us together.


What I have thought to do - haven't done so yet - is get a nice, gold chain to wear around my neck and put the ring on there. That way it is still close to my heart but under my shirt so only I know it is there.

Feb 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Timothy-932923 said: What I have thought to do - haven't done so yet - is get a nice, gold chain to wear aro...
(Quote) Timothy-932923 said:


What I have thought to do - haven't done so yet - is get a nice, gold chain to wear around my neck and put the ring on there. That way it is still close to my heart but under my shirt so only I know it is there.

--hide--
I too have had questions about when to remove the ring. My wife passed away from cancer just two months before what would have been our 25th wedding anniversary, so I too feel the ring is a part of me. Taking it off my finger was a big step and when I did that I immediately placed both rings (hers and mine) on a gold chain which I have worn around my neck almost continuously since. Luckily, her ring fits inside of mine so it is not a bulky thing and fits comfortably under my shirt. While the mark on my finger after 24 years of wearing it has nearly cleared up (it has been 9 months) I am still "wearing" it and it is as Timothy said close to my heart and it makes me feel comfortable with it there. Good luck with your decisions, but the chain thing works well.

Feb 6th 2013 new

Timothy, you said, "I think it is more appropriate that grieving ends when the surviving spouse is ready for it to end."


That is VERY true. However, take it from someone whose loss is not fresh (14 years now) -- you will think you are ready now...then you will think you're ready after a year...but you will be surprised that it will take much, much longer.


You have to learn all over again how to think like a single person -- not easy to do after 15, 20, 25, 40 years of marriage! Single people don't see the world as married people do. When you can think like a single, you are ready to make another person happy.


God bless all of you gents. In my prayers today at Mass. hug hug hug hug

Feb 6th 2013 new

OH, MY GOSH! I was just getting ready to ask this question myself.

I feel 'naked' without my Miraculous Medal and scapular, which I've worn since the 3rd grade. My husband and I were three weeks short of celebrating our 33rd wedding anniversary when he passed away last fall, so a ring on my left hand had become second nature. It feels weird not wearing it, but each day gets a little better. A few of my kids raised their eyebrows and even questioned why I changed my Facebook profile pic to just 'me' and not the one with their dad included.

One way to see if you are 'ready' to remove your wedding ring, is to just do it! When you can remove it and keep it off without feeling 'guilty', then the time has arrived.

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Al-939544 said: So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles a...
(Quote) Al-939544 said:

So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles and I wanted to get folks thoughts on when do you take your wedding ring off. Did folks feel comfortable after certain amout of time ? Do you wait for your first face to face date as I assume the date will not go well if you have your wedding ring on ?

--hide--
Sadly, I took my ring off a week before my husband died... Long sad story.

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Al-939544 said: So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles a...
(Quote) Al-939544 said:

So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles and I wanted to get folks thoughts on when do you take your wedding ring off. Did folks feel comfortable after certain amout of time ? Do you wait for your first face to face date as I assume the date will not go well if you have your wedding ring on ?

--hide--
Hi Al I am sorry for your loss as well as everyone here. I watched a show on EWTN with Johnette Benkovic and two other widows, they had a week long series on widowhood and she said that the earthly marriage was over and to take it off within a couple of months. I wore mine til I saw the show. Father Sylvia was also on and he said he recommends the same thing. I often visit our rings and miss wearing it. I used to wear both after my husband died. So I suppose it is whatever makes someone comfortable. Grief is a thing of time...different things happen at different times. In your own time. Praying hug rosary theheart

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Timothy, you said, "I think it is more appropriate that grieving ends when the surviving spo...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Timothy, you said, "I think it is more appropriate that grieving ends when the surviving spouse is ready for it to end."


That is VERY true. However, take it from someone whose loss is not fresh (14 years now) -- you will think you are ready now...then you will think you're ready after a year...but you will be surprised that it will take much, much longer.


You have to learn all over again how to think like a single person -- not easy to do after 15, 20, 25, 40 years of marriage! Single people don't see the world as married people do. When you can think like a single, you are ready to make another person happy.


God bless all of you gents. In my prayers today at Mass.

--hide--
Marge -- you've echoed my thoughts. There comes a time when we think we're ready to go out and conquer the world again. NOT. Not only do we have to get past the grieving stage, we find ourselves undergoing major renovations -- re-inventing ourselves. That is another process, and it takes time. Jumping back into the dating pool too soon can be conterproductive if we are hoping for a serious relationship. It is probably helpful to start dating for social companionship and to keep ourselves involved.

Comparing one's self a year after the loss of a spouse, then 2 years and so on can be quite revealing. Many changes will have taken place -- some subtle, others major. We need to be capable of standing on our own two feet otherwise we will find it dfficult to be supportive of someone else.

I'm not trying to discourage people from dating, but am emphasizing a healthy perspective on it. Too soon can become too bad. Companionship is helpful and certainly can lead to a meaningful, serious relationship later on.

A key element is to "know thyself."

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