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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Jane-933948 said: Hi Al I am sorry for your loss as well as everyone here. I watched a show on EWTN with Johnette Be...
(Quote) Jane-933948 said:

Hi Al I am sorry for your loss as well as everyone here. I watched a show on EWTN with Johnette Benkovic and two other widows, they had a week long series on widowhood and she said that the earthly marriage was over and to take it off within a couple of months. I wore mine til I saw the show. Father Sylvia was also on and he said he recommends the same thing. I often visit our rings and miss wearing it. I used to wear both after my husband died. So I suppose it is whatever makes someone comfortable. Grief is a thing of time...different things happen at different times. In your own time.

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I'm not sure if there is a "best time" to remove a wedding ring. As you say though, it's a matter of feeling comfortable. Wearing it too long can be self-defeating and prolong the grieving process. Wearing it too long can mean a person isn't ready to move forward.

It can be a totally different situation with women, however. While they may not feel maudlin without their wedding ring, they might want to keep it on in the interest of self-preservation. Once a woman begins to socialize again, she stands a chance of being "hit on". Some women wear wedding rings to avoid that (although that hasn't always prevented unwanted attention either).

This subject was brought up a few days ago. I hadn't checked for more recent posts, but maybe there are more ideas in that thread.

Feb 6th 2013 new

Al, I kept my rings on my left hand for about a year and a half after my husband passed. It was almost like a security blanket to me. I then had them re-cast by the same jeweler into a single ring. She added a tiny birthstone for my husband's birthday, my birthday and for our two kids. I now wear this ring on my right hand. It is a symbol of my new beginning, yet it honors the many years I was married.

Feb 6th 2013 new

I really like that idea. When the funeral director gave me my husband's ring I put it on a chain with my miraculous medal. When I'm ready to take my ring off, I think I also put it on the same chain. The fact that I'm not married anymore was not by choice and I guess continuing to wear it is my little rebellion against reality.

Feb 6th 2013 new

I have been widowed 9 years now, and I know I wore my rings on my right hand for 2-3 years. It felt good, it felt right.

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) John-913295 said: I too have had questions about when to remove the ring. My wife passed away from cancer just two m...
(Quote) John-913295 said:

I too have had questions about when to remove the ring. My wife passed away from cancer just two months before what would have been our 25th wedding anniversary, so I too feel the ring is a part of me. Taking it off my finger was a big step and when I did that I immediately placed both rings (hers and mine) on a gold chain which I have worn around my neck almost continuously since. Luckily, her ring fits inside of mine so it is not a bulky thing and fits comfortably under my shirt. While the mark on my finger after 24 years of wearing it has nearly cleared up (it has been 9 months) I am still "wearing" it and it is as Timothy said close to my heart and it makes me feel comfortable with it there. Good luck with your decisions, but the chain thing works well.

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John, our spouses must have died about the same time. My husband was killed a week before our 25th wedding anniversary. I'm sorry. Lauren

Feb 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Al-939544 said: So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles a...
(Quote) Al-939544 said:

So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles and I wanted to get folks thoughts on when do you take your wedding ring off. Did folks feel comfortable after certain amout of time ? Do you wait for your first face to face date as I assume the date will not go well if you have your wedding ring on ?

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Hi Al,

It's been just over nine months since my husband was killed. Just before our 25th wedding anniversary. When his effects were returned to me, his wedding ring wasn't among them and the funeral director said he wasn't wearing it. I was panicked because I could not find it. He went through phases where he wore it or didn't wear it based on the work he was doing at the time. I looked in his trinket box, I looked through his lunch box, all through the car, everywhere. It's nothing fancy just a titanium band (about his twentieth in 25 years). It was really bothering me, about three weeks after his death I was moving things around in my top dresser drawer and there it was under some garments. It was the oddest place for it. I wear my wedding band still and I have worn his on my right hand middle finger since I found it. I find myself fidgeting with it often but it gives me comfort. I don't know when I'll take them off. Perhaps if I start dating someone, I will feel it time to set them aside. For now, I think I will continue wearing them. Maybe on the one year anniversary I will feel differently, I don't know. Both of them feel a part of me. I have a box, I put the things he had with him when he was killed into the box, perhaps I will add them to the box. Funny, how such a simple and practical question can evoke such a sadness. Lauren

Feb 7th 2013 new

Thanks for everyone's thoughts...I appreciate your words.

Feb 7th 2013 new

To quote my local priest, and an awesome advisor "I find the deep grieving takes 2 years, more for some, but never less." That being said, at some point before the 2 years are over it should feel ok to take the ring off your finger. You might transfer it to a chain around your neck and eventually to a special drawer. Life is a process, grief is a process, and it all takes time. One lady in my church however thought I was taking too much time and she flat out asked when the ring was coming off. That got me to thinking about the transition from married to single. Unfortunately, when you're talking about ring removal, too often the advice is coming from divorcees and not widows or widowers. God bless, it may not seem like it, but you'll know when.

Feb 9th 2013 new

Hi Al:

I am not sure if it was 10 or 11 months that I re sized my husband's ring to fit my right thumb...(depending on the swelling of my hands...I do wear it on either my left middle finger, left and or right thumb). I also re sized my wedding and engagement rings at the same time to fit my right hand finger closer to my baby finger. What prompted me at the time was because there was some interest shown from another person and he did notice that I was still wearing my rings on my wedding finger, although he didn't say anything.

Erinie died Jan. 15th. 2011. I am interested in remarrying, and therefore, need to let others know I am available. I am grateful that I hadn't found anyone too soon. The grieving process has a lot to offer and this takes time.

I am not presently involved in a relationship, so I feel comfortable still wearing these rings, and at the same time accepting the reality that I am not married anymore. However, I was married and thus the presense of these rings reveal this. I am the person I am today because of my marriage.

People do notice my rings, and I am conscious of this and hope that they do not think I am divorced and just want to keep wearing the rings...how silly...but the thought does enter my mind occasionally. I just do not want to belittle my marriage in any way.

I hope Ernie will always have a piece of my heart, even if a very tiny piece in honor of his memory and our memory together. He is still part of my life even though it is in a different dimension. He is still alive (our belief as Catholics). In heaven there is no marriage, however, he is capable of loving me as Christ does now that he is being made in Christ image more so then when he was here on earth. I too still love Ernie, not able to as a wife, but as a child of God and also more as Christ loves him then I could before when he was here.

If and when I meet someone...things could change, however for now...it is what it is.

What a great topic to ponder. Thanks Al for posting.

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Al-939544 said: So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles a...
(Quote) Al-939544 said:

So I am a recent widower and I am also new to CM and I had not seen this topic in the forum titles and I wanted to get folks thoughts on when do you take your wedding ring off. Did folks feel comfortable after certain amout of time ? Do you wait for your first face to face date as I assume the date will not go well if you have your wedding ring on ?

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Hi Al, I kept my ring on for about three months, and removed it from my left hand when we relocated for my new job. For the next six months my ring was on my right hand. I now keep my ring and Christines in a safe place. Over the last six years, I find that I take my ring out less and less. Recently I felt a need to wear my ring again, so did for a few days. All is well and the rings are back in a safe place.

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