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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Looking for the one you lost?

Feb 11th 2013 new

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

scratchchin

Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--


Sorry to hear that, Steven.. I can't identify; there is no "one who got away" in my life... Prayers!

Feb 11th 2013 new
(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the r...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...



--hide--


Perhaps it is time to take a step back and pray. I find the rosary and adoration along with novenas are very helpful when trying to find a new direction in my life.....
Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--


I can definitely relate to this. I understand the frustrations you are having and what helps me is I realize that by placing those kinds of expectations on a girl is not really fair to her. Just like if a girl had a guy who was a star basketball player and was looking for another guy who is also athletic is not fair to me because I'm not athletic (even though I do love to play sports). We could otherwise have a great connection but because I can't live up to those expectations we both miss out. So when I go through profiles I simply remind myself to have an open mind. Every girl is unique and who knows, maybe I'll find Ms. Right tomorrow even though she wasn't what I was expecting. Someone else mentioned Adoration and I second that! Adoration is a great opportunity to give your heart to Jesus. He'll help you work through your desires and re-orient your focus. Ask Jesus why you feel so attracted to the girl you lost. What about her makes it hard to forget her? For me, I realized that what made her so attractive is that she helped me spiritually. She encouraged me to pray and be closer to Jesus. Well, she certainly isn't the only one who can do that. And I also understood that what I desire most is Jesus. This girl was simply an expression of that desire. So in my search, I don't try to find a girl that matches her, I try to find a girl who can help me fulfill my deepest desire to be with Christ. In the meantime, I pray and work on myself so that I can do the same for her. But it's hard, I know. If I read what I just wrote 2 years ago, I'd laugh at my future self and say, "Yeah right!" But that's the power of prayer. It changes you at your very core.

Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--

Hi Steven,

I think recognizing that it is happenning is the first step to overcoming it. So you're a step ahead at this point. Maybe make a concentrated effort to get to know someone you wouldn't normally gravitate towards, who doesn't fit the profile of the "one that got away". You may just find that you see something special in someone different and new. Getting over someone can be a really long process as well and it is important to make sure to give yourself the time to work through it so you will truly be ready to move on.... God Bless!

Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward..

--hide--

Steven, I guess it all depends on what you are trying to recapture. If you are truly trying to recapture what was by finding a similar person than you doing both yourself and your new person a disservice. You cannot recapture what was. This is a different person with a different soul and different history. Projecting your past onto someone else is unfair and ultimately a set-up for failure. However, if you are looking for someone with a similar personality, I doubt there is something wrong with that. That are just some personality types that your personality will click with. However, you have to avoid comparing new people to old and see them as a unique individual as God sees you. In His eyes, you are not compared to anyone else as you are His unique creation.

Here is a good prayer to St. Raphael to pray as he is the saint of happing meetings.

Prayer to Saint Raphael, Angel of Happy Meetings

O Raphael, lead us towards those we are waiting for, those who are
waiting for us! Raphael, Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand
towards those we are looking for! May all our movements, all their
movements, be guided by your Light and transfigured by your joy.

Angel guide of Tobias, lay the request we now address to you at the feet
of Him on whose unveiled Face you are privileged to gaze. Lonely and
tired, crushed by the separations and sorrows of earth, we feel the need
of calling to you and of pleading for the protection of your wings, so
that we may not be as strangers in the Province of Joy, all ignorant of
the concerns of our country.

Remember the weak, you who are strong--you whose home lies beyond the
region of thunder, in a land that is always peaceful, always serene, and
bright with the resplendent glory of God.
Amen.

Feb 11th 2013 new

I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past...


Ah, sweetie, my heart hurts for you. I'm an old broad. I've had two wonderful men that I would love to duplicate. That's not what it's about. Love is not about infatuation today. It's about when you say the vows you don't really know what they mean, and ten years down the road, you not only understand what the vows mean, you would say them again no matter what the hills were placed in your way to get over those hills. That all sounds like some profound bull - but be looking not for the one you lost but the one who you feel in your gut might be willing to climb those hills with you. And here's the catch - it might not take eons for you to know that in your heart and soul. I am confident that if I have a wonderful third husband he will be nothing like the last two. Nothing at all. I'm not confident about much in life - but I know that with all that is within me. God love's to surprise us!

Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Not me.I am open to God's new unique match for me.

Feb 11th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...
--hide--

Hello Steven; this is NOT a topic I can give advice upon, though if you want to lose weight, I can tell you what has NOT worked for me.

I have not solved the problem, I recall following one girl around who had a face just like the HSSH!

But for my own recollection it helps to date someone with nicer hair, preferrably of a different color. Someone a lot younger maybe 10 years, someone much thinner, who does not go to church as often....Hey that was way too far out- I think the opposite is true- (for everyone sharpening their wooden stakes)- As said, since I am still single, my experienced advice is suspect. But for me, I think it will be helpful to forget about the hair, try someone older than I, and maybe keep my Notre Dame fetish to myself...

(high school sweetheart=HSSH)

Feb 11th 2013 new

"The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter. The winds grow colder, and suddenly, you're older. . . " (The Gal Who Got Away, Frankie. . .)


I had this issue; pray. Meditate on being who makes God happy, who makes you happy, and love yourself, so you can prepare for the woman to keep your heart. . . I've been through this myself. . .Prayers for you, that you will be released from the past and move forward. . . its a mental battlefield sometimes. . .

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