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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 6th 2013 new

I think many are out the door emotionally long before the divorce. Often, as a counselor, people come to me when they are ready to divorce and unless the sessions work "magic" for them they are staying out of the door. It is not gender based with one more than the other seeming to do it. A good bood and workbook for those newly separated or divorced is Marriage Boundaries. I have used it and it helps to get one ready to date and eventually commit.

Jan 6th 2013 new

(Quote) Carol-915328 said: I think many are out the door emotionally long before the divorce. Often, as a counselor, people ...
(Quote) Carol-915328 said:

I think many are out the door emotionally long before the divorce. Often, as a counselor, people come to me when they are ready to divorce and unless the sessions work "magic" for them they are staying out of the door. It is not gender based with one more than the other seeming to do it. A good bood and workbook for those newly separated or divorced is Marriage Boundaries. I have used it and it helps to get one ready to date and eventually commit.

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Carol I have never heard of it so thank you so very much for sharing. Can you please post a link for it as I sure many of us would like to take a look at it? Thanks again.

Jan 6th 2013 new

Woah!... A blanket generalization.

There are a TON of variables involved with divorce for us guys. After that psychologically and emotionally draining experience, I didn't want to admit the existence of another gender for at least a year. However, there are those who want to jump right back into the pool. Some of these individuals are the same ones who had no issue dating even before their divorce. Besides, introspection can be a very scary place for us. Truly, men of strong Faith and character usually prefer to let the dust settle for a while and pray for direction as to what God's will might hold.

From my perspective and observation, I believe the desire to date right away stems from multiple reasons ... a need for acceptance,... for companionship as laid out in God's plan, i.e. fear of being alone,... the 'I'll show her!' syndrome, and so forth. Fortunately for you ladies, instantly dating appears to be a psychological motivation rather than a physical need.

Also, your assistance is manditory when outfitting another cave!

Sheesh!

Feb 13th 2013 new

I was involved in divorce ministry for many years. An expert on dealing with loss of relationships stated that one should wait at least after the relationship's end to even think about dating. I consider this wise but only if the person goes through some kind of healing work to deal with the grief. A person could be wallowing for years in anger & resentment & never become healed & whole so that they could present themselves in a healthy way in a new relationship. Many people choose to skip the healing process whether it be through a divorce recovery program, counseling, reading, research, support grouops. Many don't like to ask for help or to admit they need help. It's probably more prevalent for men to think they don't need any help. Good to remember that we may go down that slippery slope of emotions on & off after the loss. Could be triggered by a holiday or something similar.

Please, everyone, don't try to begin a new relationship before you have done your grieving and your healing work in order to avoid causing more hurt to yourself and to another person!

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-346082 said: In a class I took on divorce & divorce care, the material said that it was approximat...
(Quote) Donna-346082 said:



In a class I took on divorce & divorce care, the material said that it was approximately one year of healing for every 5 years of marriage....and it was gender neutral. Everyone is different so of course their journey too....

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I personally agree with this. I was with my ex for five years and I did notice how things changed for me over the next year and seamed to be good after that. While I will say I didnt date for around nine months, she was with a man two weeks after we split up. I must also agree with the earlier self esteem comment.

Feb 13th 2013 new
(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Isn't that the truth
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:



Isn't that the truth

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don't be so sure... scratchchin

some of us are happily single...we know how to cook, iron, clean the house, scrub the bath, shop, get up on time for work, take care of our bills, aging parents...etc.

would we like companionship? sure. but if it doesn't happen, it is for God's own plan, so we do the best with the hand we're dealt and don't worry about the rest, and just devote time to being the best we can be.
Feb 13th 2013 new
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: don't be so sure... some of us are happily single...we know how to cook, iron, clean the house, ...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

don't be so sure...

some of us are happily single...we know how to cook, iron, clean the house, scrub the bath, shop, get up on time for work, take care of our bills, aging parents...etc.

would we like companionship? sure. but if it doesn't happen, it is for God's own plan, so we do the best with the hand we're dealt and don't worry about the rest, and just devote time to being the best we can be.
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You sound like a big boy! Good for you Bryan as everyone should know that kind of independence whether you are a man or woman. Kudos to you.
Feb 14th 2013 new
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said: Anybody feel free to answer this question if you can...I am sure it applies to both genders but I honestly t...
(Quote) Michelle-920900 said:

Anybody feel free to answer this question if you can...I am sure it applies to both genders but I honestly think men tend to do this more so. Why is it easier for a guy to go out or date a lady so quickly after a divorce?

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You know, I never understood this phenomenon. Among my male friends, it seemed they just were not comfortable with the silence of an empty house...lack of physical closeness (however you want to take that), insecurity in who they were...you name it. Some, I know had walked out the door mentally long before they (or their spouses) physically did so.

I know women, too, who've gone down this same road. Close to the same percentage, but that may be more a function of the population density where I've lived.

Really have no idea why; it's probably as individual as to the reasons as the participants involved.
Feb 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: You know, I never understood this phenomenon. Among my male friends, it seemed they just were not ...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

You know, I never understood this phenomenon. Among my male friends, it seemed they just were not comfortable with the silence of an empty house...lack of physical closeness (however you want to take that), insecurity in who they were...you name it. Some, I know had walked out the door mentally long before they (or their spouses) physically did so.

I know women, too, who've gone down this same road. Close to the same percentage, but that may be more a function of the population density where I've lived.

Really have no idea why; it's probably as individual as to the reasons as the participants involved.
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Just like everything else including courtship it is up to the parties involved as we all wether we like it or not bring our baggage to the party. That is why we especially need God to sort through the muck.

Feb 17th 2013 new

Here you go, Michelle:

www.over40andsingle.com

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