Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 18th 2013 new
(Quote) Carl-98335 said: A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediate...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediately, otherwise you risk being banished to the friend zone, which is permanent.

However, I've seen evidence to the contrary, not in all cases but some, where the man and woman had to be friends for a while before the romance could blossom. Does anyone think that this actually could result in a marriage even stronger than if both parties jumped in right away?

--hide--


You are going to get two schools of thought here, Carl...one generally expressed by the distaff side...and one from painful experience. Like all generalizations, there are exceptions...but, the 'friend zone' is one of those amorphous grey areas that women like to use as a safety valve (ie, you're ok, but I'm just not that into you, need a strong back once in a while, and I'm going to wait for my knight on a white horse) while you're thinking "hey, this gal is great...I could see myself with her for the long haul"

Does it exist? Of course it does. Otherwise why would it be a topic of discussion?

That being said...your well-meaning friend had good advice. You end up in the black pit of the 'friend zone' (and, yes, I know you have to be friends with your mate...but the friendship is a deeper relationship than the platonic implications of the 'friend zone'...so, stop with combining the two, people, in an attempt to soften the blow, ok?) when communications, intent, actions, and attitude are NOT clear. Ambiguity is a killer. Be clear, be honest, be honorable. If the lady of your interest drops the "LJBF" (Let's Just Be Friends) bomb on you...decide whether you want an occasional cup of coffee, a phone call to step on a spider or do heavy lifting, and maybe, if you're lucky, a peck on the cheek for your exertions...or you're looking for more.

The only way to stop the games is to refuse to play, Carl. And the "LJBF" ploy is just that. If you want it to go deeper (both sides, folks), let your 'yes' be a 'yes'...and your 'no' be a 'no'. You can be acquaintances...and polite to each other. But, why waste time on something that will distract from finding YOUR happiness?
Feb 18th 2013 new

[quote]Bryan-7889 said:

Ambiguity is a killer. Be clear, be honest, be honorable.


Great thought Bryan. In the end I think that being honest is always a sure bet. My share a similar philosophy (to the one you've so aptly put) which is "you don't know if you don't ask." Sometimes the response is not what you'd like it to be in that moment but it does save a lot of time AND in keeping things honorable you leave the door open for a possible spark in the future. Personally, reassurance of God's perfect timing is everything. I truly believe that when the right person does come along there won't be any questions or confusion for any of us. It will just be. cupid


Feb 18th 2013 new
(Quote) Carl-98335 said: A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediate...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediately, otherwise you risk being banished to the friend zone, which is permanent.

However, I've seen evidence to the contrary, not in all cases but some, where the man and woman had to be friends for a while before the romance could blossom. Does anyone think that this actually could result in a marriage even stronger than if both parties jumped in right away?

--hide--
Friendship is a beautiful foundation but not all friendships develop into romantic interests. I think that as the friendship is established each person has to be tipping their hand that they like, enjoy, and appreciate the other and are curious about the romantic aspects that could develop. If you aren't getting some clues along those lines while you develop the friendship or if you aren't giving a few clues as well then yes.... you will probably end up permanently STUCK in friendship zone.
Feb 18th 2013 new
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: You are going to get two schools of thought here, Carl...one generally expressed by the distaff side...and o...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

You are going to get two schools of thought here, Carl...one generally expressed by the distaff side...and one from painful experience. Like all generalizations, there are exceptions...but, the 'friend zone' is one of those amorphous grey areas that women like to use as a safety valve (ie, you're ok, but I'm just not that into you, need a strong back once in a while, and I'm going to wait for my knight on a white horse) while you're thinking "hey, this gal is great...I could see myself with her for the long haul"

Does it exist? Of course it does. Otherwise why would it be a topic of discussion?

That being said...your well-meaning friend had good advice. You end up in the black pit of the 'friend zone' (and, yes, I know you have to be friends with your mate...but the friendship is a deeper relationship than the platonic implications of the 'friend zone'...so, stop with combining the two, people, in an attempt to soften the blow, ok?) when communications, intent, actions, and attitude are NOT clear. Ambiguity is a killer. Be clear, be honest, be honorable. If the lady of your interest drops the "LJBF" (Let's Just Be Friends) bomb on you...decide whether you want an occasional cup of coffee, a phone call to step on a spider or do heavy lifting, and maybe, if you're lucky, a peck on the cheek for your exertions...or you're looking for more.

The only way to stop the games is to refuse to play, Carl. And the "LJBF" ploy is just that. If you want it to go deeper (both sides, folks), let your 'yes' be a 'yes'...and your 'no' be a 'no'. You can be acquaintances...and polite to each other. But, why waste time on something that will distract from finding YOUR happiness?
--hide--
I had a man get really upset with me for "toying" with his emotions. I told him early on that we were friends. I told him that I didn't see myself fitting into his life. I told him that if the friendship was too difficult for him that we should just let it go. he asked if we could meet. I went to great lengths to be sure that he understood that we were only friends, that the meeting would be dutch because it was not a date and that the meeting would not change my feelings about it. He agreed to all of it... Yet, despite a nice visit, he gave me a bag full of things at the end of the meeting which indicated to me that he didn't understand that we were only friends. He gave me flowers, and an 8X10 picture of himself. He brought a book that i was prepared for and a magazine which was fine. Sometimes you can try to be clear but some people just don't hear you
Feb 18th 2013 new

Hello Bryan:

Here is another case.


You start off with great connection and you make it clear you are seeking a marriage relationship.The man shares your same Catholic faith. After 5 months he decides he wants to be friends. Won't call ,text,or even sit next to to you at church.Even women friends call, text, and definitely would sit next to you in God's house. Any FRIEND cares when you are sick,and when you have a broken heart. So if there is a close relationship inthe beginning and then one decides it isn't what they want ........it does not help to be that KIND OF FRIEND that has no true interest in your feelings . It is better to just really end it TOTALY as the pain is too much when one cares and the other really could care less. It is better to tell the WHOLE TRUTH. As prolonging a FRIEND relationship to soothe your own conscience is selfish.









Feb 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a ...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediately, otherwise you risk being banished to the friend zone, which is permanent.

However, I've seen evidence to the contrary, not in all cases but some, where the man and woman had to be friends for a while before the romance could blossom. Does anyone think that this actually could result in a marriage even stronger than if both parties jumped in right away?

--hide--



Carl,

A recent mailing from CM referred to Pope Benedict's advice about marrying your best friend; based on the words of the Holy Father, the friend zone can't be a bad place to start a relationship.

If you are in a situation where you come across this person regularly, then you can make it a point to meet her often and speak to her; in a short while, you will grow on each other if you're compatible. If you don't know when you will see this person again, well, then you have to ask for her phone number and make the call. Even then, I would spend more time doing things as friends (visiting a museum, for example) than as dates (dinner and a movie, for example). I'm convinced that for a relationship to work, you have to be friends before you can be "dates."

I hope this helps.







Feb 18th 2013 new

Oh and by the way, if she starts talking to you about problems she's having with guys she's dating, just walk away. (That is NOT a friendship.) That's what women have homosexual male friends for: a man to share her feelings with, and no concern that he might have a romantic interest.

Feb 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said Sometimes you can try to be clear but some people just don't hear you
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said Sometimes you can try to be clear but some people just don't hear you
--hide--


I think they hear it, they just don't want to accept what they are hearing.


They are in denial and are trying to get you to change your mind about them.

Feb 18th 2013 new

Carl,

No one situation or person is exactly the same. For me, if I don't feel an initial attraction, then any future romance is unlikely.

However, I have had friends with whom I had the attraction but who were strictly friends for a long time. Then, it went further when we were both feeling a connection.

One never knows with these things - if you feel something for a gal, I do say you should go for it as soon as possible. A woman needs to know how a man feels for her - she may like you and you won't ever know it because you put the friends label on it and she is afraid to make the move herself.

I also have heard of stories where a couple was close friends for many, many years and then, one day seemingly out of the blue, their eyes turned toward each other and the rest was history.

However, I wouldn't go into any friendship with the hope to convince her of more. I am a big believer in being honest about one's intentions - if you like someone, don't beat about the bush.

Feb 18th 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said: The whole friend-zone thing is total sheka if you ask me. It's a term...
(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said:

The whole friend-zone thing is total sheka if you ask me.


It's a term invented by people who cannot admit that there is any rational reason why another human would not want to pursue a romantic relationship with them at that time. Such people tend to be shallow in their approach to "love." For love is not about getting with another, but rather willing the good of the other in all things.


People who believe in the whole "friend-zone" concept overlook the good of the other in favor of hurt emotions and selfishness. And that is not the respose of love, but rather the response of a bruised ego.


Mathure adults do not behave like that, and so if you want to be a mature adult, don't buy into that foolishness.

--hide--


I totally agree!! clap clap clap



Posts 21 - 30 of 61