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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

02/17/2013 new

(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: In IT, we call it 'analysis paralysis'. You can logic and talk the thing to death and never ge...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

In IT, we call it 'analysis paralysis'. You can logic and talk the thing to death and never get the project either off the ground or finished once you start.

Someone (it wasn't me...) said that CM was a 'Catholic Debating Site' instead of a "Catholic Dating Site". Do we pay too much time looking for reasons why not rather than reasons why? I know, there are issues to solve (LDR, anyone?), and things like that...but, if we're here to find a companion on this journey, with God, to our salvation...then why in the h-e-double toothpicks do we place so many roadblocks in the way.

I have to state, for the record, that I'm here to interact with like folks, not looking for (and after a year from May, will be impeded from due to diaconate ordination, all things being equal) marriage, but, as one who was putatively married, went thru an annulment, and has lived as a single person since the 80s...well, I see in pastoral circumstances, and have heard, every excuse, mirrored here, as to why NOT approach the sacrament (and there are reasons why not...but they are few and far between) and trust in the Lord's goodness and guidance.

Not minimizing the possibility that there are just some things which you do have to be careful of (abusive partner, substance abuse, criminal activities, etc), which I would counsel the non-involved party to high-tail it in the other direction. But...'he doesn't like it when I _____" or "she says that she wants to do ____" is a sign of inflexibility or rigidity, not one of loving acceptance of a partner.

Donna: that 80+ year couple. They trusted and made it work. As the Lord says "Let your yes mean yes...and your no mean no". If folks are serious, you make it work. Not just for when you're slim, she looks like a model...but when the kids come and are screaming at each other in the den and you're trying to work, you're sweaty from fixing the yard...and the thin grey hair replaces the thick tresses of youth...and the face lines, and things sag and wrinkle. You make it work. Both of you.
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I once started a thread about how we put our own roadblocks in the path of our own success.. I think it was the first thread I ever had to lock at 200.. I like to think that most people come here looking for a spouse.. But I also think that many sabotage themselves by not being open to what God places in front of them.. YOU may want a supermodel, but God may want the 'few extra pounds' school teacher that pops up in your matches for you.. I also think that many people have very unrealistic expectations of who they can really attract.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I once started a thread about how we put our own roadblocks in the path of our own su...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I once started a thread about how we put our own roadblocks in the path of our own success.. I think it was the first thread I ever had to lock at 200.. I like to think that most people come here looking for a spouse.. But I also think that many sabotage themselves by not being open to what God places in front of them.. YOU may want a supermodel, but God may want the 'few extra pounds' school teacher that pops up in your matches.. I also think that many people have very unrealistic expectations of who they can really attract.

--hide--

clap clapAgreed. Well said, Donna.

Being realistic is MANDATORY - about others AND about ourselves. There are some great people here, but that doesn't mean all of them are truly ready for a serious relationship or marriage - even if they THINK / INSIST they're ready. Don't rush the 'getting to know you' part. Courtship / discernment / marriage is not a race. Each couple needs to allow whatever time they feel is needed to be sure of their decisions.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Bryan-7889 said: In IT, we call it 'analysis paralysis'. You can logic and talk the thing to death and neve...
(Quote) Bryan-7889 said:

In IT, we call it 'analysis paralysis'. You can logic and talk the thing to death and never get the project either off the ground or finished once you start.

Someone (it wasn't me...) said that CM was a 'Catholic Debating Site' instead of a "Catholic Dating Site". Do we pay too much time looking for reasons why not rather than reasons why? I know, there are issues to solve (LDR, anyone?), and things like that...but, if we're here to find a companion on this journey, with God, to our salvation...then why in the h-e-double toothpicks do we place so many roadblocks in the way.

I have to state, for the record, that I'm here to interact with like folks, not looking for (and after a year from May, will be impeded from due to diaconate ordination, all things being equal) marriage, but, as one who was putatively married, went thru an annulment, and has lived as a single person since the 80s...well, I see in pastoral circumstances, and have heard, every excuse, mirrored here, as to why NOT approach the sacrament (and there are reasons why not...but they are few and far between) and trust in the Lord's goodness and guidance.

Not minimizing the possibility that there are just some things which you do have to be careful of (abusive partner, substance abuse, criminal activities, etc), which I would counsel the non-involved party to high-tail it in the other direction. But...'he doesn't like it when I _____" or "she says that she wants to do ____" is a sign of inflexibility or rigidity, not one of loving acceptance of a partner.

Donna: that 80+ year couple. They trusted and made it work. As the Lord says "Let your yes mean yes...and your no mean no". If folks are serious, you make it work. Not just for when you're slim, she looks like a model...but when the kids come and are screaming at each other in the den and you're trying to work, you're sweaty from fixing the yard...and the thin grey hair replaces the thick tresses of youth...and the face lines, and things sag and wrinkle. You make it work. Both of you.
--hide--

Bryan - well said! It's much easier to keep up our protective wall and find reasons NOT to move forward then it is to "let go, let God" and trust in the path He's provided. Especially as we get older, it's a lot harder due to past experiences, etc.

02/18/2013 new
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I once started a thread about how we put our own roadblocks in the path of our own success.....
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:




I once started a thread about how we put our own roadblocks in the path of our own success.. I think it was the first thread I ever had to lock at 200.. I like to think that most people come here looking for a spouse.. But I also think that many sabotage themselves by not being open to what God places in front of them.. YOU may want a supermodel, but God may want the 'few extra pounds' school teacher that pops up in your matches for you.. I also think that many people have very unrealistic expectations of who they can really attract.

--hide--


You are so right, Donna. We all have to, as a philosopher once said, 'clarify our thoughts' if we want to divine what is really our path.

For the record, I never wanted a supermodel. It would be like owning a Ferrari or some of the cars they test on the BBC Top Gear show: 1) High maintenance, 2) high-strung, 3) can't take your attention away from the task at hand, 4) prone to breakdowns for various and sundry reasons, and 5) rust away badly.

I never considered myself one of the 'beautiful people'. I'm just me. :) Warts, failings, clumsiness, and all.
02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Wisdom alert.
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Wisdom alert.

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Shara, You are a kick! I enjoy your wisdom alerts and had to say so!

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: Should Catholics have shorter courtship periods before getting married to reduce the temptation for illic...
(Quote) John-220051 said: Should Catholics have shorter courtship periods before getting married to reduce the temptation for illicit sexual activity?
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Courtship should not be equivalent to engagement. Courtship takes whatever it take to know if this is the person you are to come before God and enter into the sacrament of matrimony. For some it is shorter, for others longer. Once the engagement takes place this is not to be a long period of time because of the lavish wedding, or for saving for the marriage. If the time you make the decision to get married, should depend only that this is "the one" and not whether you are rich enough to marry. Our parents and grandparents did not have money but yet they still married and allowed the Lord and their love be the bond in their marriage. They knew went the sacrament of marriage was, not more concerned in the laving trappings of the wedding.

Yet, we should not rush into marriage 'to reduce the temptation for illicit sexual activity' because we then may find out later this was not the right person only over active hormones that wanted to be satisfied, discernment then was not proper.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: Absolutely not! The courthship is a period of discernment. Why would you want to make it shorter...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

Absolutely not! The courthship is a period of discernment. Why would you want to make it shorter?

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As I understand it, under the rules of the "Shotgun Wedding," no discernment is required.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: As I understand it, under the rules of the "Shotgun Wedding," no discernment is require...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

As I understand it, under the rules of the "Shotgun Wedding," no discernment is required.

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laughing laughing

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: YOU may want a supermodel, but God may want the 'few extra pounds' school teacher that pops up in...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: YOU may want a supermodel, but God may want the 'few extra pounds' school teacher that pops up in your matches for you..

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Thanks for the plug about my profile, Donna! wink laughing

I epect to see men of realistic expectations overflowing my "Viewed Me" panel now....

02/18/2013 new

I eloped after four months of dating Phil and I was never once sorry. Would I do it again? Probably not for a lot of reasons. What are the odds that I would achieve that same success again that quick? Plus, there is a lot more to consider now. I think it is personal and I think faith is the biggest component in determining success.

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