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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-50109 said: For me, if I don't feel an initial attraction, then any future romance is unlikely....
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:

For me, if I don't feel an initial attraction, then any future romance is unlikely.

However, I have had friends with whom I had the attraction but who were strictly friends for a long time. Then, it went further when we were both feeling a connection.

One never knows with these things - if you feel something for a gal, I do say you should go for it as soon as possible. A woman needs to know how a man feels for her - she may like you and you won't ever know it because you put the friends label on it and she is afraid to make the move herself.

I also have heard of stories where a couple was close friends for many, many years and then, one day seemingly out of the blue, their eyes turned toward each other and the rest was history.

However, I wouldn't go into any friendship with the hope to convince her of more. I am a big believer in being honest about one's intentions - if you like someone, don't beat about the bush.

--hide--


Carl, I believe that Michelle's first few sentences make the point pretty succinctly.

If someone doesn't have any initial attraction to the other person, any future romance between the two is very unlikely. One would need at least some attraction to the other (it doesn't have to be merely physical; it might be something else about that other person like personality or you admire something about them) from the beginning in order for something to blossom between the two much later.

I'd have to say that there are three categories that guys get put into by the ladies: 1) the romantic prospect, 2) the friend but possible future romantic prospect, or 3) the "friends only" guy.

I'd agree with Michelle and others here that you should try to find out quickly where you stand by being honest with her about your thoughts and feelings. Otherwise you'll probably just be wasting the time you could be using to find "the one" by chasing someone who has you in their "friends only" category. And you deserve better than someone who doesn't truly care about you romantically. Love is only love when it's a two-way street.

I'd say to give a try and see how she feels before you waste time being this guy: www.youtube.com

Just my two cents

Good luck and God bless!

02/18/2013 new
(Quote) William-607613 said: Oh and by the way, if she starts talking to you about problems she's having with guys she's dating, j...
(Quote) William-607613 said:

Oh and by the way, if she starts talking to you about problems she's having with guys she's dating, just walk away. (That is NOT a friendship.) That's what women have homosexual male friends for: a man to share her feelings with, and no concern that he might have a romantic interest.

--hide--
I have guy friends that do this with ME! I dont find it bothersome because we are only friends. I have no expectation of them and I am fine with being a helpful ear if they need it. Huh... I guess we all just view it differently. Now, if I had romantic interest in them, then it might be too tough to deal with. In that case we wouldn't be having a mutual friendship and I would have to bow out.
02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a ...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

A well-meaning friend told me that if you have an interest in a woman early on, you need to make a move immediately, otherwise you risk being banished to the friend zone, which is permanent.

However, I've seen evidence to the contrary, not in all cases but some, where the man and woman had to be friends for a while before the romance could blossom. Does anyone think that this actually could result in a marriage even stronger than if both parties jumped in right away?

--hide--
You seem to be getting conradictory answers from everyone, so I'm not sure we can say for sure for everyone. I guess it is individualized. I know the one time I think I was most in love, I fell in love with someone I thought only of as a friend at first. I mean how great is it to have someone who cares about you for real as a friend before he wants anything physical from you...perhaps LDRs offer the chance for the growth of the friendship first too. EWTN is talking about the importance of the friendship right now in a relationship. I think it shoud be there first.

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: I have guy friends that do this with ME! I dont find it bothersome because we are only friends. I have...
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: I have guy friends that do this with ME! I dont find it bothersome because we are only friends. I have no expectation of them and I am fine with being a helpful ear if they need it. Huh... I guess we all just view it differently. Now, if I had romantic interest in them, then it might be too tough to deal with. In that case we wouldn't be having a mutual friendship and I would have to bow out.
--hide--



Loretta,

Carl's concern was that once one is banished to the friendship zone, then there is no chance of a real relationship afterwards.

Clearly, if you are comfortable with the relationship you describe, then you have no interest in a real relationship afterwards. If these guys are talking to you about relationship problems, then it's a safe bet they don't have an interest in a real relationship with you.

This is all well and good of course, but if someone is interested in a real relationship, then that friendship zone is supposed to be a temporary place; one is supposed to be moving towards marriage.

All I am saying is, if the relationship is one where the woman is complaining to a guy about other guys she is dating, then I believe that she doesn't see a future in the poor guy she's unloading on.



02/18/2013 new

Real friendship (on EWTN right now) is seeking what is best for the other person...to will the good of another....not to see what you can get out of them or what good feelings you get from them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said: The whole friend-zone thing is total sheka if you ask me. It's a term...
(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said:

The whole friend-zone thing is total sheka if you ask me.


It's a term invented by people who cannot admit that there is any rational reason why another human would not want to pursue a romantic relationship with them at that time. Such people tend to be shallow in their approach to "love." For love is not about getting with another, but rather willing the good of the other in all things.


People who believe in the whole "friend-zone" concept overlook the good of the other in favor of hurt emotions and selfishness. And that is not the respose of love, but rather the response of a bruised ego.


Mathure adults do not behave like that, and so if you want to be a mature adult, don't buy into that foolishness.

--hide--
That's a good point. I think that is why we shouldn't be friends with someone where there is no potential for more....it could lead to harm. I heard this once......since being friends may lead to more feelings, pick friends who are equally "yoked". Also, they have to be a potential, since I can't see being good friends with someone who is in a relationship with someone else...that could lead to adultery.

02/18/2013 new
(Quote) William-607613 THE CAPS ARE ONLY TO INDICATE MY PART VERSES YOUR PART...I'M NOT MEANING TO YELL OR SCOLD THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESP...
(Quote) William-607613 THE CAPS ARE ONLY TO INDICATE MY PART VERSES YOUR PART...I'M NOT MEANING TO YELL OR SCOLD THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE said:




Loretta,

Carl's concern was that once one is banished to the friendship zone, then there is no chance of a real relationship afterwards. EXACTLY, HENCE MY TAKE ON THE WORD BANISHED

Clearly, if you are comfortable with the relationship you describe, then you have no interest in a real relationship afterwards. AGAIN EXACTLY! If these guys are talking to you about relationship problems, then it's a safe bet they don't have an interest in a real relationship with you. AT LEAST NOT ONE BEYOND FRIENDSHIP

This is all well and good of course, but if someone is interested in a real relationship, then that friendship zone is supposed to be a temporary place; one is supposed to be moving towards marriage. I GENERALLY AGREE THAT FRIENDSHIP IS NORMALLY A BEGINNING

All I am saying is, if the relationship is one where the woman is complaining to a guy about other guys she is dating, then I believe that she doesn't see a future in the poor guy she's unloading on. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE! IF I HAD A REAL HOPE IN A FRIENDSHIP BLOOMING AND HE WAS TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIS WOES WITH ANOTHER LADY I'D TAKE THAT AS A DIRECT CLUE THAT I AM OUT OF THE PICTURE



--hide--
02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: Real friendship (on EWTN right now) is seeking what is best for the other person...to will the g...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

Real friendship (on EWTN right now) is seeking what is best for the other person...to will the good of another....not to see what you can get out of them or what good feelings you get from them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--hide--

clap clap AMEN Cheryl! "Real friendship is seeking what is best for the other person."

We don't always get what WE want. Sometimes we must admit to ourselves the other person just doesn't feel what we feel, period. No blame, no flaw, no fault, no analyzing all the possible reasons why they aren't falling for us. Point is, it's not going to work unless BOTH parties are on the same page, feeling and wanting the same thing, emotionally ready for a real relationship, at the same time. Unless all of that lines up - mature adults should take the high road, wish their crush well, ('to will the good of another") and keep searching for a true match.

I personally believe God leads us to what is best for us in the long run. But it is in HIS time, not ours. theheart Occasionally, there are a few heartbreaking 'lessons' along the way. Don't look back - just keep looking forward. crossfingers Praying

02/20/2013 new

(Quote) William-607613 said: Carl's concern was that once one is banished to the friendship zone, then there is no chance of a ...
(Quote) William-607613 said: Carl's concern was that once one is banished to the friendship zone, then there is no chance of a real relationship afterwards.
--hide--


Having been banished to the friendship zone, I make it a policy not to try to go around OR over the "just friends" boundary after its been laid down. It leads to angry emotions, confused situations and the potential for the loss of a great friend. I don't need any of that angst. I place a premium on my friends and losing one because a boundary has been crossed isn't worth the loss of a great personality who's touched my life emotionally, mentally and in some ways in developing my career. Besides, why make love hard? Life is too short, folks. -Dan

02/20/2013 new

Every gender will put the opposite gender they are not attracted to physically (to put it delicately) in the 'friend zone'.

Men looking for a mate are told to 'be nice' 'be responsible' and 'be friendly' by well intended, but quite wrong women and social leaders. Really what they should be doing is to establish rapport, and show that their interest is potentially romantic and not platonic.

We should take it a higher priority to 'show ones true intentions' which is romantic and not platonic, rather then 'being nice' 'being responsible' and 'being friendly' which will cause a woman to feel like a man is deceiving her if he 'hides' his true intention of love. This is a unfair judgment- men are being trained that 'being nice' 'being a friend first' is the right thing to do, but almost no women from what I have seen actually accepts this behavior in a potential partner.

You can be romantic.. seeing each other... 'as friends' and not boyfriend or girlfriend, but it is still a dating or 'going out together' relationship- which is different from a 'just friends' thing.

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